St. Louis Game Time

By Adam Duke 

May 15, 1984 - John Michael “Ozzy” Osbourne was arrested in Memphis, Tennessee for being “staggering drunk” in public.

What does this have to do with the Blues?

Memphis legend has it that he was traveling by foot to Kalvola, Finland to stop the birth of a child. That child was Hannu Toivonen. Oh, and he was wearing this:

That’s right - Ozzy was foretold of the birth of the one who would destroy the franchise from between its own pipes, threw on his favorite Brian Sutter shirt, and set out for Finland with nothing in his pockets aside from lint and knives… and probably some booze. It’s a long walk.

Ozzy is clearly a man’s man who eats rocks and shits gunpowder, and that’s what this fan base needs more of. I’m sick of seeing frat boys with spiked hair sitting in my section trying to start the wave, and whiny bitches who complain that the geniuses who yell for the towel-boy to “JUUUUUMMMP” after each of his interruptions should stop because it’s mean spirited. It’s not that it’s mean spirited, it’s just that we don’t all menstruate. Ozzy would never pack up his testicles and carry them in a purse, and you shouldn’t either.

The fact that we’re living in a world with images like these…

is evidence enough to understand that Ozzy failed to reach Finland on that day, 24 years ago, and Hannu was born 3 days later. Although he failed on May 15, 1984, it’s important for all of us to remember the spirit that Osbourne embodied on that day. He was the Blue Revolution before whoever wrote that failed marketing campaign was even born.

Here’s to you, John Michael Osbourne - a great Blues fan and a great man who deserves all of our respect for being such a badass.

by The Answer Man

*Ring* Dave Nonis, uh good morning?

Morning, this is the Answer Man. How’s it hanging?

I’m sorry? Who is this?

Hey Bro, it’s the Answer Man, from St. Louis Game Time and North County, duh. What’s up? I hear you met with my beloved Blues.

I did meet with them but I am not commenting on what was discussed.

That’s cool dude, I can dig that. So, when you join the Blues how soon after that should I expect my invite to the Development Camp this summer? I’m training hard six days a week. I’m a lean mean Euro Beating Machine.

Sir, I am not real sure what you are getting at. I am not a member of the St. Louis Blues organization.

OK Buddy, I’ll play a long. What year is your Camaro?

What? I do not have a Camaro.

*picks self off of floor*  What?! Wow, that is a shocker. Didn’t see that coming. I had no idea you were gay. That’s cool dude. The Answer Man doesn’t discriminate against North Americans.

I have to go. It is early in the morning here and I have a busy day.

You are just getting up? Did you have a game or something last night? Yeah, the day after games I skip my 5 a.m 6k with the Answer Dog. Now back to the topic at hand. Can I just show up to Prospect Camp now that we have talked? I’m cool, right? I don’t need a letter or anything, do I? Should I ask for you when I get there or Ray Barile?

This conversation is over, please do not call me ever again.

OK, I’ll just assume you think this is costing me long distance but I have a calling card from Wal-Mart. I’m cool dude. What should I wear to camp and will there be a lock on my locker? I’ll be wicked pissed if someone takes my fanny pack. Oh, lastly, is the “no fighting” rule going to be waved at this year’s camp?

OK, that is it. I am hanging up now.

Who’s your favorite wrestler?

*Click*

By Brad Lee

T.J. Oshie sits on a trainer’s table at the Scottrade Center, texting on his phone…

Hey Eeeeej!

Teeeej! Wadup, playa? U still pretending to take finals?

Naw. I’m taking my physical. Getting ready to sign my contract. Going car shopping later.

Sweeeet. Wait. R U nekid right now?

Dude. No. There’s a fruit Euro in the room. No way. He wants to text U. Hang on. This is him.

Greetings Mr. Eerik Johnson. I am Lars.

From Metallica?

Ha! American humor. I love it. We will make great goals together.

Whatev. Put Teeeeeej back on.

Yo. I gotta go become a millionair. I’ll call you later and buy you beer. I’ll let you use Toews’ old fake ID. You’ll never get caught. Trust me.

SWEET.

In case you’ve forgotten in the intervening days, what with all the Mother’s Day planning, hockey playoffs watching and baseball ignoring, we’re getting together tonight to hoist a few beverages in the name of comraderie.

The details all remain the same:

When: Tonight, May 10.

Where: The Tin Can Tavern & Grille at 1909 Locust.

Who: You and us. Confirmed attendees include writers Brad Lee, Chris Gift, Brian Weidler, Childhood Trauma and vendors John Nicolay, Amy Benoist and Clarence Walker. Additionally, we’ll have Will Horton there and anyone who remembers the painful days when our site was down due to a hacking attack will want to thank Will for getting us back up and running.

Unfortunately, we know that Jeffio and his lovely bride, Bethio, will not be able to make it. Nor will the Answer Man, meaning that I will have to continue to deny that I am him for another few months.

We’ll have a few people start arriving around 8 and we’ll continue until whenever. There is a back room that will be the collection point. Hope to see you there!

By Brad Lee

The Conference Finals are just too damn depressing to talk about after a 4-1 win by the evil empire last night. So let’s get to some time killers!

• In Boston, there’s a new meaning to shaving the ice (picture up top).
• “Controversey” surrounding the world’s largest free-standing hockey stick.
• Damn, there are some strange/annoying/idiotic fans left rooting for teams in the NHL playoffs.
• Baseball mascot loses his head. Note to St. Louis Blues: buy an ATV and make this happen next year.
• Movie actress Elisha Cuthbert likes her hockey players. The former Sean Avery girlfriend is now getting Phaneufed at the beach.

Your links/snarky observations in the comments.

By Brad Lee

Sure the World Wide Leader in sports has John Buccigross and the mulleted Barry Melrose to talk pucks, but they’ve decided to kick it up a notch. They’re going to put Don Cherry on SportsCenter here in the U.S. Anyone who is prone to seizures caused by garrish suits or negative commentary about European hockey players may want to change the channel.

AOL Fanhouse gives us some details (via the Globe and Mail): 

“I guess they like my jackets,” the Hockey Night in Canada personality said yesterday.

Cherry and Hockey Night host Ron MacLean will leave the CBC’s Toronto studio for the road to cover the Philadelphia Flyers-Pittsburgh Penguins series, which will start on Friday.

Cherry will do live hits by remote for ESPN’s SportsCentre at the end of each Flyers-Penguins game.

Of course Cherry will be following the Eastern Conference. Shocking development there.

Cherry was on NBC playoff broadcasts last season and was mostly unmemorable. But ESPN, home of Gasbags on Parade according to Al Michaels, gives its personalities a much longer leash to be opinionated and even controversial. And while you may disagree with Cherry’s brand of rock ‘em, sock ‘em hockey (that’s fine), this is still a good thing. By getting the most recognizable, spirited, opinionated media guy from Canada exposure with the NHL on ESPN, the league will gain some inroads for returning to the most popular sports cable channel in the world and maybe even grow the sport among some non-hockey fans who happen to be watching. We just hope he’s not wearing this:

By Brad Lee

So that “Let’s root for the Montreal Canadiens and the team playing Detroit” strategy we deployed at the beginning of the playoffs is working swimmingly! Detroit has played two games over the minimum in getting to the conference finals and Montreal was lucky not to lose in the first round against a team it had beaten eight times in the regular season before bowing out to the Flyers. Hey, didn’t Philadelphia really suck not that long ago?

We’ve had three series end in the last two days. For your “pleasure,” three photos of dejected and suddenly sad playoff hockey teams. Your captions in the comments, please.

Tomas Plekanec of Montreal:

Martin Straka of the New York Rangers:

Joe Thornton and Evgeni Nabokov of San Jose (who lost in the fourth overtime at about 1:30 a.m. Monday):

If anyone wants us to jinx any of the four remaining teams, our allegiance (estimated value: -$1 million) is up for grabs.

By the Game Time Staff

Friday is sweet. Friday is usually such a half-steppin’ day in corporate America that they might as well let anyone who spends 40 hours a week living in a Cubeville just go home early. Of course, that’d probably kill the Internet’s volume by about 50% for the day, so maybe we’ll shut up for now.

As a way to help us you pass the time on a Friday when you should really be working on your TPS Reports, this is the first in our off-season attempt to bring you some content that’s a little different from what we normally do. These Friday links may have nothing to do with the Blues, or even with hockey, but we like them and therefore assume that you will too. In no particular order, here’s some stuff to enjoy while pretending that you won’t be dealing with a severe case of the Mondays in just 72 hours:

1. We love the blogosphere. We do actually believe that the old-guard of MSM is dying, even though we still subscribe to the daily paper for now. We also love the book and movie versions of “Friday Night Lights.” But Buzz Bissinger makes himself look like an old man railing away against the relentless waves of the future during this roundtable discussion with Deadspin creator Will Leitch on Bob Costas’ new show. Bob, we expected better of you than to set up an ambush like this. That’s not very St. Louis of you.
2. We also love the response of one of the quoted blog authors to Bissinger’s rants. Big Daddy Drew takes the high road.
3. Holy shit do we miss college.
4. Sidney Crosby’s playoff beard is the worst we’ve ever seen. He’s either interviewing for a job as a waiter at a French restaurant or he’s gone gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
5. Speaking of not that there’s anything wrong with that…
6. Failure, apparently, is an option.

Feel free to make this a community effort: add your links in the comments.

It’s the perfect storm, really. We like to drink. You like to drink. We all like hockey. We all like to drink.

So, fuck it. Let’s get together and drink.

The GT Staff cordially invites The Internet to come hoist a few with us, lament the lack of a playoff season, revel in a future of watching great young stars wearing our jersey and to drink. (Did I mention the drinking part?)

Mark your calendars and tell your momma (or baby momma) that you’re going to be hungover when you celebrate her Hallmark holiday on Sunday, because Saturday, May 10th will be the date to get together and make some shit happen.

Here are the details:

Date: May 10, 2008

Time: We’ll start dragging in around 8 p.m.

Place: Tin Can Tavern & Grille, downtown (1909 Locust, St. Louis, 63103)

Who: You and us.

We’ll have several of the GT writers and vendors in attendance and as special guests, the two guys who helped us get our website fixed when we were attacked by a virus back during the season. If you love this site like we do, you find Will Horton and Kevin Wilde and buy ‘em a beer. Of course, we will have already over-plied them, so your help will only be piling on, but what the hell, we owe them.

How to find us: There will be a band and other assorted whatnot going on, but we’ll be in the back room. We’ll have a bunch of GT stickers available to give away, so look for a stack of circle logo stickers on a table to find the epicenter.

Free beers? Nope. But hey, we’re men of the people. The Tin Can is based on can beer at ridiculously low prices, so that PBR is only gonna cost you $1.75. Yes, they accept change.

We’ll be there next Saturday. Will you?

By Sean Gallagher

Up late on a Tuesday night, college junior and Blues prospect TJ Oshie is studying for his final exams…

 Man, if I didn’t think I was gonna need this information, I would have totally dropped this Recreational Studies course…

[ring tone: Coldplay]

Go for Osh.

 Yo, Teej! What. Up. Dawg.

 Nuttin, Eeej. Just studying for these exams. You know, gettin’ my learn on. You know the deal, right? Just like when you were at Minnesota?

Yeah, um, not really. With the Gophers, I didn’t exactly have to spend that much time studying. In fact, I kinda left before that first year was up. I actually spent more time putting up sweet Facebook photos than studying for exams. I’ll send a recent one to your phone:

Um, that actually looks pretty fun. But the college parties here in North Dakota are pretty rad, too, man. The co-ed tail just can’t be beat.

Wrong.

But there are these puck bunny girls…

Wrong.

But…

Wrong.

Hey, hold on for a sec.

[Incoming text from Perron, David.]

[Wrong.]

Told ya. Plus, here in St. Louis, you won’t have to worry about any more run-ins with the law. The cops love us here. Earlier this year, I may or may not have gotten to meet some cops out in Town & Country. Let’s just say that if I did it was because they may have been checking out some suspicious activity in a car parked in Al MacInnis’ driveway.

IfyaknowwhatImean.

And they didn’t do anything? No booking? No stupid charges?

Nup. Plus, once they figured out that her boyfriend’s car didn’t have any warrants or anything, they just left us. I mean, if something like that did happen.

So, you still wanna keep buckling down so hard? I mean, you can pay a dude to math it up for you soon enough.

Dude, education is important. Plus, I was talking to my teammates and…

My teammates are millionaires.

Well, my teammates…

Are not millionaires. They’re fine, I’m sure. But being a millionaire is fun. You should try it.

Hold on.

[Incoming text: Backes, David.]

[Dude, college is a joke. Be a millionaire.]

You know, exams do kinda suck.

Look, Osh, I gotta get out, but it’s time you stop wasting your life with this education bullshit and get on with the real world of being a professional athlete.

[boop boop: waiting incoming call.]

Pick up, pick up, pick up. Come on, pick up.

Aw shit. Not yet, big guy.

[Ignore.]

Hey, EJ, before you go, tell me about that girl in her boyfriend’s car again….

Fin.