This Is Your A-1, B-Vitamin Deficient, C-Ring Cleared, D-List Angering, E-Ron Approved F-You Friday.
by gallagher on Jul 30, 2010 1:00 PM CDT
12 comments
I hate to say that I'm a negative person, but the fact of the matter is this: Even when I have a great week, it's still all the little bullshit that pissed me off that I focus on. So, whatever the word is for that is what I am, I guess. Though I'm sure that word isn't negative. It's probably something like megamonstropolous or something. Or like awesome. Or whatever.
1. Fuck you Legos. Walking through the basement this week I managed to bury a tiny, claw-shaped lego piece so far into my heel that I think it dented my bone. And sure, I could be mad at my kid for leaving that shiv-like piece on the floor, but that's not the point. In my Legos days the pieces were big,chunky, garishly-colored and obvious pieces. If you managed to be blind enough to not see those things, it was kind of your own fault for stepping on them. Plus, if you did step on one, it might hurt, but it didn't bring grown men to near-tears, Barbie shoe style.
No, I blame you, Legos, for going way, way over the top on how intricate and cool and versatile and creative your pieces are now. Your fucking razor-sharp, invisible to the eye, bone-splintering pieces now are nothing more than mini landmines and a bane to my existence.
2. Fuck you reality television. You and your easy money can go fuck yourselves. You're going to try to pussify Bash Brother Kelly Chase by throwing enough cash at him to get him to partake in your ridiculous spectacle? Try your best to soil his toughguy image, Battle of the Blades? Impossible. I don't blame Chaser for doing it and going for the payday, I blame you for what I know is coming - Chase in a really embarrassing outfit doing some sort of ice tango. It's cringeworthy and I won't be a part of it. This is my Chase and always will be.
3. Fuuuuck you, EA Sports. It was bad enough that the NHL's Justin Bieber, Patrick Kane, was your coverboy last year on NHL 10, but following that up by putting the NHL's least interesting captain (apologies to Craig Rivet) in Jonathan "no, it's pronouced like if f-i-n-g-e-r-s was pronounced as 'finvers'" Toews on the cover this year is a terrible choice. In fact, it's almost as bad as deciding that one of this year's new "upgrades" is to include video review and disallowed goals.
So, you're going to "upgrade" gameplay by inserting the most boring, time-consuming aspects of the real game? Awesome choice, yo. Why not just include 70% more cut screen instead? Adding video review is almost as good as when Madden decided to add the ability to challenge calls and then make it so that your challenges were never overturned, even when fuckstick receivers caught balls with BOTH feet out of bounds.
Assholes.
4. Fuck you polical corrects. If Paul Bissonette's cancelled Twitter account can teach us anything it's that the need for people to make sure that no one says anything interesting at all outweighs our desperate need for comedy in this country. People freaked out and he got heat and eventually cancelled his account because he called a Russian player "comrade"? Please. If I got offended every time someone called me a "drunken Mick" I'd be fighting all the time rather than cashing in on free drinks at the bar. Wait, is that a stereotype too?
Meanwhile, you just know that it's some twitchy PR guy who caught wind of the whole Biz Nasty story who sent Erik Johnson a quick text to delete his tweets about his Vegas trip, his pictures from Vegas (including the one we still happen to have on file of him with Cuba Gooding Handsy Jr) and his Vegas-related tweets that may or may not have included fellow weekend Vegas-visitor Ms. Locke. (If I was @erikjohnson6 I think I would have DM'd her the appropriate info based on her twitpics... ask Icion for the directions if you're interested.)
Frankly, I wish these poor guys were allowed to just be themselves. It's a new world as far as information sharing goes, and these younger guys are way more keyed in to social media and the internet than the organizations they get paid by. They're used to sharing more personal information than the generation just older than them and everyone under the age of 30 gets it. It's all of us old fucks who are ruining it for everyone. We complain that athletes never say anything except for cliches, then when they do tell us something good they get roasted for the decision or they get a shitty phone call from some PR dick who tells them to delete everything interesting they've done over the last three days.
Let them be themselves. Let them tweet crazy photos. Let them call Russian dudes comrade (or call me a Mick).
Besides, pictures of homeless people are funny.
5. I don't want to speak for new Blues draftee Jaden Schwartz, but.... Try to read this story and NOT tell someone to go do something unspeakable.
12 comments | 1 recs |
Condo For Sale
by gallagher on Jul 30, 2010 9:01 AM CDT
2 comments
Available now, motivated seller, fabulous condominium in non-exclusive area of semi-unicorporated St. Charles County! Lots of amenities included as standard. On top of a great condo surrounded by fun neighbors who love to hang out with and do all manner of errands and favors for the new owner (provided that new owner is a professional hockey player. Or baseball player - that would probably work too), this sometimes-gated community is a perfect location for any professional athlete one!
- Carpet "signed" by Blues stars Cam Janssen, David Perron and D.J. King.
- Shared pool apparently "makeable" from condo balcony.
- Perfect for "crackin' parties" and other social events.
- New-urban decorating includes "industrial" look including fist-sized holes in several walls, hilarious graffiti-covered dining room and communist-bloc level plumbing.
- Bathroom toilets have been upgraded to industrial strength!
- Keg-er-ator stays with the unit; porn stash negotiable.
- Over 85% of window panes remain unbroken!
- All appliances remain with unit, including refrigerator and "the experiment" in the Crisper Drawer.
- Plenty of undamaged hardwood!
- Bonus room easily accommodates spray-painted foosball table, beer pong table and Blues jersey-wearing dog.
- Second bedroom "puck-bunny approved."
- Purple, feathered pimp hat stays with unit; serious inquiries only please.
Friday links: Nothing going on open thread edition
by averagejoe on Jul 30, 2010 5:00 AM CDT
18 comments
The Blues aren't doing anything, no one in the league is doing anything and I'm tired of Kovalchuk. So today, I conclude animals on vehicals week with a video and present an open thread for you to chat until the day's postings. We got a real estate listing coming up at 9 a.m., and, of course, F-U Friday later on in the afternoon.
Here's your video:
OK fine, here's a bonus video from Mr. Particle.
And here's your discussion topic: Which Blues player really needs to have a career-year in 2010-11. I say Erik Johnson. Share yours in the comments.
Poor College Student has the weekend shift. Hit him up at gametimelinks(at)gmail.com.
Toodles, bitches.
Thursday links: Wondering who will take over the condo now edition
by averagejoe on Jul 29, 2010 5:00 AM CDT
48 comments
Farewell, D.J. King. May D.C. have a nice crib for you to host dance parties.
Blues news
- D.J. King has been sent to the Capitals for Stefan Della Rovere. Hope he's able to get out of his lease at the condo. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
- Allan Muir at Sports Illustrated thinks the Blues are the fifth-most improved team. [SI.com]
- The charity supported by Jaden Schwartz and his sister is being investigated for fraud. Schwartz has, apparently, done nothing wrong.[St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Hockey news
- Pretty much missing the whole point, the KHL president has offered Ilya Kovalchuk a 17-year deal ... to any team. [Puck Daddy]
- Like everyone involved with hockey, the Devils owner hopes this Kovalchuk thing is resolved quickly. [TSN]
- (Hat tip: John) Rick Wamsley is back in the NHL. The former Blues assistant has joined the Senators staff. [TSN]
- Having fixed the Panthers, Dale Tallon is out golfing. Wait, Florida still sucks? Huh. [Litter Box Cats]
- Denis Grebeshkov is leaving the NHL for the KHL. I suspect a lot of players without deals are looking at this route. [TSN]
- Ben Eager has a new deal for the Thrashers, avoiding arbitration. [TSN]
- The Ducks and Cam Fowler, a 2010 first-round pick, have agreed to terms. [ESPN]
Other links
- The 50 fattiest foods in the States all look good. Question though, why is Missouri singled out for Hardee's? [Health.com]
- The Trix Rabbit gets a raw deal. [Bash]
- Japan can take something like walking, talking turtles and make it even weirder. [Cracked]
Videos
Tuesday we had Wheelchair Cat, Wednesday was Lawn Mower Dog. Today? Water skiing squirrel.
Carnie shares a video of a really, really happy DJ — and it's not Mr. King.
There might be some stuff later, but not from me. gametimelinks(at)gmail.com
DJ King traded to Capitals
by drfrankentweed on Jul 28, 2010 3:48 PM CDT
49 comments
According to an Andy Strickland tweet, DJ King has been traded to the Washington Capitals:
"The Blues have traded tough guy D.J. King to the Washington Capitals...expect an announcement soon"
Talbot...looks like the Capitals just got Ovechkin a tiny bit of protection there, bud.
Be interesting to see what we get in return. Ovechkin? Nah...I somehow don't think so....
At least King is in the Eastern Conference - I'd have hated seeing him up against us a few times a season.
Dear Erik Johnson, Where's The Love?
by Brad Lee on Jul 28, 2010 9:01 AM CDT
12 comments
(An open letter to Blues defenseman Erik Johnson. Or his Twitter account. Either or really.)
Dear Erik Johnson,
When we put on our site over the weekend the image of shirtless you getting hugged with both hands by shirtless Cuba Gooding Jr. in a cabana in Vegas, we did it all in good fun. You had talked about going on the trip on your Twitter, asked others if they were going to be there. You posted the photo to your image account and tweeted the link. You may have had other updates from your trip, but I can't go back and look at them (the updates aren't cached on Google). Now we'll never know because you deleted all mention of the trip in specific terms, including the photo. You know, this photo:
Sir, we as fans have enjoyed and have been looking forward to the coming season with you, David Perron, Patrik Berglund, Ian Cole, Cam Janssen, Roman Polak, Brad Winchester and possibly T.J. Oshie all on Twitter. Even Louie the big blue bear has his own account. This social networking tool connects players and their fan base better than anything else in the past. Let us in on conversations, show us your personality and demonstrate some appreciation to fans and you will build a bridge to St. Louis few players have enjoyed during their careers.
Sure, there's a possibility some photos you don't want your parents to see end up on the account. What happens in Vegas will stay in Vegas...as long as you don't Tweet it. And there's always a chance you let your guard down and say something you regret later. That's always a potential pitfall. But that just lends to your personality and the authenticity of the account.
Take Paul Bissonnette with Phoenix. Not a well-known player. He's an enforcer for the Coyotes. He had started the Twitter account @PaulBizNasty. He started taking photos with homeless guys and talked about how many lap dances Ilya Kovalchuk could buy with his new contract. Of course when the Kovalchuk contract was thrown out by the league, he kind of went risque by saying, "sorry communist. back to the soviet." He's since apologized and deleted his account. And that sucks. It was a joke. But some people with Russian roots got their feelings hurt, they took offense to it and PaulBizNasty is no more.
Don't fall for the politically correct police, EJ. Stand your ground and Tweet whatever the hell you want to tweet. Tweet it big, Tweet it loud. Tweet it proud. Post some shirtless photos of Perron and Berglund. Play some jokes on teammates. Don't make every update "On the ice 3 days this week. Season getting closer, cant wait." Or, " Off to bed. Up early tmrw to get a workout in before a noon flight. Can't wait!" If that's all you want to say, I'm not sure Cuba wants to hug you anymore. He doesn't even follow you on Twitter.
Bring back the love, EJ.
Sincerely,
St. Louis Game Time and the undersigned in the comments.
Wednesday links: Kelly Chase and figure skating don't belong together edition
by averagejoe on Jul 28, 2010 5:00 AM CDT
10 comments
When the only news for the local team is about a figure-skating ex-enforcer, you know it's the dog days of summer.
Blues news
- Kelly Chase is blogging about figure skating. I'll take sentences I never thought I'd write for $500, Alex. [Blues]
Hockey news
- The NHL may, although probably won't, return to ESPN. [Blueshirt Banter]
- WIM looks at the Nashville problem — and it's not the Predators or country music. [Winging It In Motown]
- Alex Ponikarovsky is the newest King. [TSN]
- Maxime Talbot thinks Alex Ovechkin is a real douche. [TSN]
- The Penguins and Capitals kicked off the hype for the Winter Classic on Tuesday. [TSN]
- Ice Edge's purchase of the Coyotes may be in trouble. Is it? Not sure. I stopped caring about this story last July. [TSN]
Other links
- Ever wondered how long it would take you swim from Alcatraz to land? There's a website for that. [Alcatraz Swim-o-Meter]
- Some pretty sweet pics of a pilot making a good call and ejecting from his plane. [theBRIGADE]
- If you've seen "Inception," you may find this funny. If you haven't go see the movie. [Geekosystem]
Videos
Reason No. 1231 why dogs are better than cats.
Ryan passes along the best soccer goal celebration of all time.
More stuff later today, but not from me.
gametimelinks(at)gmail.com
Media Bracket: Pang vs. Ackerman
by Brad Lee on Jul 27, 2010 8:00 AM CDT
23 comments
We return to the never ending first round of our media match-up bracket showdown vote-a-rama thing. In case you missed vote after vote after vote last week, we've taken 32 mainstream media people here in St. Louis (there's actually more than that if you can believe it) that remotely cover the Blues, we ranked them, we put those rankings in a bracket and we roll them out for a vote. See who wins. It's not even August yet. NHL training camp isn't even a glimmer in the players' eyes. Roll with it.
Half the first round is done. I'm sure it will move much faster than this the rest of the way. Up next is a radio guy against a TV guy. Baldness vs. wonderful hair. Let's see who wins.
No. 2 Seed Doug Wickenheiser Group
Darren Pang - Color commentator Fox Sports Midwest
Before becoming the analyst for Blues television broadcasts in the 2009-10 season, Pang was the analyst for Phoenix Coyotes games on a nightly basis as well as holding down several national gigs. He has been featured this summer on TSN's Free Agent Frenzy show. Previously the former diminutive Blackhawk goaltender worked for NBC as the reporter on the glass before the network found a taller bald Canadian. He also broadcast games for ABC, ESPN and NBC at the 2002 Olympics. Full disclosure: he was the best man in Steve Yzerman's wedding.
No. 7 Seed Doug Wickenheiser Group
Tom Ackerman - Host KMOX 1120 AM
Ackerman was primary host of Sports Open Line for several years before becoming sports director at KMOX. He does sports updates for the Total Information A.M. radio show as well as some work on broadcasts surrounding Blues games. The St. Louis native has worked a number of basketball broadcasts for the University of Missouri system in Columbia and St. Louis. He got his start broadcasting games for the University of Indiana. Full disclosure: he has wonderful hair.
***
Remember, polls close in 48 hours here in the first round. You like one more than the other? Make your case down in the comments.
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