What Did He Say?

“With the acquisition of Brad May, the Ducks have announced to the entire league our intent to seriously compete for the Stanley Cup.”

"So the fucking guy says that all the offers START with a fucking first rounder.

"So, I say, ‘Fuck you and that cocksucker first rounder. Bullshit!’ And I hang up.

"But then I started fucking thinking, ‘ah, what the fuck?’ And I go out and get the first fucking rounder.

"So I call the bastard back and I say, "hey, Fucko, I got your fucking first goddamn first cocksucking rounder now. Let’s make a deal for that Bill fucking Guerin sonofabitch.’

"And you know what that prick says to me? He says, ‘Sorry, dickbag, we like the fucking Sharks’ fucking offer WAY fucking better.’

“Aint that a fuckin’ bitch?”

“So I head home for the night. I stop by the grocery store to pick up some milk. It’s 6 fucking 50 for a gallon of 2 percent. I grab the little snot-nosed dairy clerk and yell at him, ‘f you’re going to fuck me in the ass, at least have the descency to give me a reach around.’ Then I punch his lights out.”

“If you’re going to work in the grocery business, you can’t be offended by profanity and violence.”

These are all funny, but Pagan had me rolling.

Is there any way we can work Jonathan Toews into this picture?

“You better get that gotdamn recorder about a foot farther back or I’m gonna stuff it up your Mighty hole, buddy.”

“what, you thought I was going to do better here than I did in Vancouver?? HA!”