If You Were The Blues…

by gallagher on Sep 2, 2007 1:03 AM CDT

By Sean Gallagher

And you were going to rip off yet another shitty PR scheme from yet another NHL team, how would you modify the Isles and their "Christie Brinkley Was Hot Once And She Likes The Islanders; You Should Buy Some Tickets!" campaign?

We're gonna need some backlighting and a fan up in here. I mean, St. Louis has some talentless ladies known for being pretty in the 80's right?

Sure, Janet Jones Gretzky is a So. County girl, but she's unavailable due to her recent roles as "Unindicted Co-Conspirator To Federal Racketeering Charges" and her greatest Hollywood role ever: "Talentless Woman Who Pegged The Money Machine By Landing The Greatest Hockey Player Of All Time And Convincing Him To Leave His Homeland And Any Chance Of Ever Winning Another Stanley Cup In Order To Move To Los Angeles So I Can Not Pursue A Hollywood Career That Doesn't Exist Anyway Because I'm Basically A Talentless Woman Who Thinks She Can Be In Movies, But I Can't Really And Who Cares Anyway Because I Just Landed A Super Rich Hockey Player And Convinced Him To Leave Canada And Force A Trade To Los Angeles So I Could Then Spend His Money And Not Make Any Movies But At Least I'm Now Rich And No Longer Live In St. Louis. Hmm, Maybe I'll Start Gambling Tons Of Money On Sports With My Husband's Assistant Coach. God, I Hate Arizona, But At Least It's Not South County St. Louis."

There's got to be someone out there the Blues can throw a jersey on, hit the fan and shoot some Glamour Shots of, right?

Bring 'em on in the Comments, and we'll post pictures of your suggestions here.

Reader Suggestions:

She Knows Why The Cged Bird Sings

Maya Angelou - St. Louis born poet

Because it's about time white men had an old white woman stand up against womens' rights.

Phyllis Schlafy - St. Louis born antifeminist

Joli in one of her non-naked moments

Justine Joli - St. Louis reared, um, "starlet"

All she wants to do, is have some fun.

Sheryl Crow - Not from St. Louis, but we don't care.

She's from Nor Co, so it's a safe bet she likes hockey anyway.

Shandi Finnessey - St. Louis born Miss USA 2004

Tina Turner - Beyond CheckerDome

Tina Turner - St. Louis raised singer and Mad Max co-star

Which one would YOU pick?

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Comments

hmm let’s get Valerei Bure back so we can use his wife Candace Cameron (as you may remember as DJ Tanner from “Full House”)

by Dooks on Sep 2, 2007 9:04 AM CDT reply actions

hmmm there is maya angelo. didn’t she write a book about manny legace, i know why the caged blues sings?

phyliss schlaffly, anyone from the loo and anti=baseball (stop eras now!) has to be a hockey fan.

plus they both look equally well in a crop top

or if you simply must go some other way. there is justine joli
she looks equally good in or out of a crop top

by Childhood Trauma on Sep 2, 2007 10:37 PM CDT reply actions

Sheryl Crow isn’t from St. Louis, but she IS from Missouri
or
does it have to be female? we always got Nelly. check the pic
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v160/DookieRulz/Nelly_Blues.jpg

by Dooks on Sep 4, 2007 12:20 AM CDT reply actions

Obviously, the person needs to be from North County. What about Miss USA 2004, Shandi Finnessey? She can ride in my camaro any time and I mean ANY time. OK, if that doesn’t work, I’d suggest hiring Kajagoogoo. Everybody likes them.

by Answer Man on Sep 4, 2007 9:41 AM CDT reply actions

what? no justine joli photos? turn that adult filter off first… lol.

by Childhood Trauma on Sep 4, 2007 10:52 AM CDT reply actions

Sheryl Crow and/or Shandi Finnessey would work…

by GT Prospect Department on Sep 4, 2007 2:05 PM CDT reply actions

Tina Turner.

by Brad Lee on Sep 4, 2007 2:50 PM CDT reply actions

According to Strickland, Dan Hinote is engaged to Amy McCarthy. She happens to be the sister of Jenny McCarthy. How about two spokeswomen?

by Brad Lee on Sep 5, 2007 1:35 PM CDT reply actions

One of my favorite St. Louis media personalities is looking for a new gig…

K-Hits 96 s**tcanned Jen Sparks a few weeks back. She’s a St. Louis girl, cute as all get-out, and she digs sports. I know she’s a Cards’ fan; don’t know about the Blues so much, but she’s probably a more, um… realistic option than anyone else listed here so far.

by GT Prospect Department on Sep 8, 2007 8:34 PM CDT reply actions