D.J. King Will End Us All

by Brad Lee on Jan 11, 2008 9:10 AM CST

By Marcus Pettersson

There's no reason to deny it anymore. All the evidence is right there for everyone to see. I know he's been trying hard to disguise himself by buying a condo, throwing parties and whatnot. But the act is up now. No need to lie anymore. DJ "Party Boy" King is in fact none other than Cronus (one of the Twelve Titans in Greek mythology) reincarnated!

Pretty ~~crazy~~, ~~stupid~~, ~~idiotic~~, bold statement, huh? "Where's the proof", you ask? "Been drinkin' too much of that sweet Swedish vodka, you ~~sissy~~, ~~euro queen~~, ~~moron~~, nice guy?"

Well, here's the proof right here! Just look at the photo above and compare it to the famous Goya painting:

Don't mess with the King, kid!

Uncanny, right? That should be proof enough! But, if you still can't believe it, read these Wikipedia lines about Cronus:

"Gaia created a great sickle and gathered together Cronus and his brothers to persuade them to kill Uranus. Only Cronus was willing to do the deed, so Gaia gave him the sickle and placed him in ambush. When Uranus met with Gaia, Cronus attacked Uranus with the sickle by cutting off his genitals, castrating him and casting the severed member into the sea."

Just like coach Dafoe use to persuade King to take on other goons, right? Castrating dudes, just like King did to Darcy Hordichuk in that game, see? And it continues...

"Cronus learned from Gaia and Uranus that he was destined to be overcome by his own son, just as he had overthrown his father. As a result [...] he swallowed [his own children] all as soon as they were born to preempt the prophecy."

Sadistical? Check. Paranoid? Check. Really hungry? Eats his own children?! Likes to party? Check. Check. And check again!

All other teams better beware. DJ Cronus is coming... Now, I've got another bottle to finish. Tada!

P.S. We are all doomed. D.S.

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Comments

I found that photo and was going to use it somehow. But any effort of mine would have been horrible compared to this. Well done, Mr. Swedish Game Time correspondent.

By the way, did you notice tonight’s game is live on the Internets through Yahoo!? Plus it’s an earlier start time so you might not be totally drunk and be able to throw some comments in the live blog.

by Brad Lee on Jan 11, 2008 9:24 AM CST reply actions

The Yahoo games only work in NA, unfortunately. Don’t know exactly how that works, sucks though.

No promises about being sober, but I’ll be here later on for some comments, for sure.

by Marcus Pettersson on Jan 11, 2008 9:50 AM CST reply actions

Marcus, that was awesome!

by Answer Man on Jan 11, 2008 9:55 AM CST reply actions

Give sopcast a try.

And I think Dwayne King drinks the spilled blood of his enemies.

by Brad Lee on Jan 11, 2008 9:57 AM CST reply actions

just remember : “kindney yank” is an anagram of dwayne king. coincidence? obviously not.

by Childhood Trauma on Jan 11, 2008 11:52 AM CST reply actions

King Cronus only wishes to crush his enemies, see them driven before him, and to hear the lamentation of the women.

(sorry overused, but couldn’t help it)

by pdub on Jan 11, 2008 12:39 PM CST reply actions

i like how deej wiped his brow after the fight last night, notice he was bleeding and cursed. apparently he doesn’t like the sight of his own blood nearly as much as other people’s.

by Jessica on Jan 11, 2008 1:03 PM CST reply actions

I guess if the Blues have more promotions where we can meet the players we should keep young children and small animals away from Kinger. I had my cousin with me at the mall the other day and lost him. When I looked around all I saw was a trail of blood and King with a big smile on his face.

by Pagan on Jan 11, 2008 3:42 PM CST reply actions