Bored at the Condo

By Sean Gallagher

One member of the Blues' walking wounded is having a hard time just limping around his new condo.

teej, bored.[boop boop, beep, boop, beep beep, booooop.]

That freakin' tight-clothes wearin' Swede better pick up.

Berglund, not bummed.[ringtone: TechnoViking.] Yo! Go for IceBerg!

The Teej.IceBerg! Teej. What. Is. Uuuuup?

Berglund, icy.Nothing, dreamy. Just chilling in this Californias. Did you get the condo cleaned up?

Teej, not one for cleaning.Um, yeah. But can I ask that we cut back on the frigging meatballs? Straight from IKEA or not, that shit sucks to clean up. So, how's the trip?

Bergs, not letting on.Um. It's just so... Um. Ja. So, um. Boring?

Teej, unbelieving.Dude, you're a shitty liar.

bergs, beaming.OK, college boy, you're on to him! This is the best! Did you see last night? Two points, my bitching! How many does The Osh have? Four? Five? The IceBerg has seven!

That's almost as many as IceBerg has sweet American blondies around him now! How is condo again?

Teej, jealous.Fuck Detroit! I knew it! Stupid, stupid high portion of my ankle!

Tell me, how are the ladies? Do they compare to the college girls in North Dakota?

Berglund, evaluating.Look, I don't know from North of Dakoting. I do know from Sweden and these girls are no Swedens. They are, though, more fond of blowing the jobs. Fantastic for hockey!

How is the ankles, Teej, my man?

Teej, really bummed.It's feeling worse and worse and I'm feeling more and more like ignoring it. Maybe I'll see if I can join you guys in...

Berglund, giving up his phone.Hold on, my Teejer. Guys wanting the phone...

Perron, underaged.Teejie! Teejiie! TEEJIE!

Teej, getting annoyed.Key-reist!Perron, is that you? Frenchie! Frenchie, what the fucking Detroit. FRENCHIE!

Perron, getting control.WOOO! TEEGIE! Teegers! Your ankles must not be sprained so much! The jobs, my man, the jobs that get blowinged here! WOOO! You know my commercial with the good hands?

Teej, less and less happyYeah, of course I saw it. It's everywhe...

perron, on fireMy hands are nothing compared to these chickseses! [muffled shuffling of cellphone.]

Wagner, fuzzy-headed.Yo! Dancin' Steve here. Who the fuck's on the fucksing line?

Teej, getting weary.*Sigh* Go for Osh.

Wags, dancin'.Duuuuuuude! You won't believe the team bonding that is going on right now. It's just a silly amount of bonding. Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey. Hey, um, is the Deej there?

Teej, not Deej.Wrong condo, dude.

Wagner, confusilated.GAH! Hey, hold on a sec...

Berglabumps.Teej! Hey, it's time for me to be calling Sweden to tell girlfriend about the love I have for hers. Los Angeles tomorrow for Saturday nights, Teej! Saturday nights!

Hey, after that is Buffalo on next week! Meet us in Buffalo! It must be crazy too, Teej! On to Buffalo! BUFF-A-LOS!

[click.]

Teej, resigned.Holy shit do I hate ankles.

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