Screw Boston

by Brad Lee on Apr 14, 2008 11:14 AM CDT

Marc Savard jumps into the waiting arms of the guy the Blues traded for Bradley Boyes.

By Brad Lee

In case you weren't watching last night, the Boston Bruins beat the Montreal Canadiens for the first time all season 2-1 in overtime in Boston. When the Bruins took the lead last night, it was the first time in 614 minutes of play this season that Boston led Montreal. Unreal. The Washington Generals even think that's a little one-sided.

Our friends at Four Habs Fans summed up their feelings from last night very succintly:

Other than Greek Lightning and TFS, everyone fucking sucked last night.

(Note to self: find out the identities of Greek Lightning and TFS.)

Obviously our other rooting interest, the freakin' Predators, has generated more chatter around these parts. No problem. But those Hicks will be heading for their moonshine stills in the foothills by hump day this week. As the locals would say in Nashville: It ain't pertty. With that in mind, we give you a few reasons you should be rooting for the Canadiens to beat the Bruins in the first round:

The Bruins
I hope he lands on his skull.

That's Bobby Orr soaring after scoring the Stanley Cup-winning goal on the St. Louis Blues. Noel Piccard is the one who lauched Orr after the goal. It's one of the most famous photos in the history of the NHL and it depicts the Blues losing. If your'e a diehard Blues fan, how could you not root against the Bruins?

The Red Sox
How do you spell douche bag? R-E-D S-O-X F-A-N.

These jackasses are Boston Red Sox fans celebrating their team's first World Series victory in 86 years at Busch Stadium in 2004. The Cardinals hadn't won the World Series since 1982 and hadn't been in one since 1987. They got swept. It sucked. And the Sox winning led to Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore running onto the field at Busch to celebrate for their horrible movie that I will never allow anyone in my home to watch, "Fever Pitch."

We're kind of glad his movie career sucks.

The Patriots
Our spies tell us the Patriots should not have won that game.

The St. Louis Rams were going to be a dynasy. They had won the Super Bowl after the 1999 season. They had an incredible offense but suspect defense in 2000. They made the playoffs, but the defense had to be better. And in the 2001 season, they were. The Rams waltzed into the Super Bowl almost unchallenged. They were a huge favorite to win. And if you go to the videotape, you'll see they lost. It sucks. Regardless of the Patriots cheating (please, they obviously did), the Rams were the better team and choked the game away, mainly due to bad decisions on the coaching staff. Suddenly the Rams were vulnerable, Kurt Warner's deal with the devil expired, Mike Martz got a lobotomy and the team has not been the same since. It sucks.

We won't mention that trading the draft rights for Bill Russell to the Celtics doomed the St. Louis Hawks or that "Boston Legal" is crappy television. We won't even speculate about how much of the tea dumped in Boston Harbor might have been destined for St. Louis. And even though the Bruins gave us a love for Boyes, they also traded the Blues this guy:

Thanks for nothing.

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Comments

Greek Lightning = Tom Kostopopolpolpolous

TFS = The Franchise Saviour, Carey Price, sometimes written as TFS to assert our intellectual property rights over it (damn lawyers!)

by HabsFan29 on Apr 14, 2008 11:39 AM CDT reply actions

Merci, monsieur.

by Brad Lee on Apr 14, 2008 12:44 PM CDT reply actions

No one should ever watch “Fever Pitch” (the movie) because well to put it simply the book isn’t even about baseball. It’s the story of an Arsenal fan. For those of you non-soccer loving souls Arsenal is a team in North London. Plus Jimmy Fallon has sucked since he left weekend update

by Johnny Stats on Apr 14, 2008 2:43 PM CDT reply actions

Do watch the british version of “Fever Pitch” starring Colin Firth, which captures being a lonely desperate fanatic pretty damn well. (The section in the book where Hornby laments taking his girlfriend to the Oxford United game is one of the funniest things ever written.)

by Rich Horton on Apr 14, 2008 5:12 PM CDT reply actions

Oh, I almost forgot: Die, Boston, die.

by Rich Horton on Apr 14, 2008 5:13 PM CDT reply actions

Oh, but thanks for Boyes.

Now fuck off and die.

by Rich Horton on Apr 14, 2008 5:14 PM CDT reply actions

And all this time, I thought that douche bag was spelled: t-o-o-t-o-o

by JGB on Apr 15, 2008 12:07 AM CDT reply actions

What no mention of #6 in the first picture – Our old friend Dennis Wideman!
I noticed he is playing around 28 minutes a game for the B’s – would woulda thought?

by Diana on Apr 15, 2008 10:27 AM CDT reply actions

yo,
i just wanted to point out that that picture of Toivonen isn’t the correct one.
it should look like this:
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b73/stinkdified/tovo.jpg

by That guy on Apr 16, 2008 8:57 PM CDT reply actions