On This Day in Blues History…

by TheFantasyFiles on May 15, 2008 9:29 AM CDT

By Adam Duke

May 15, 1984 - John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne was arrested in Memphis, Tennessee for being "staggering drunk" in public.

What does this have to do with the Blues?

Memphis legend has it that he was traveling by foot to Kalvola, Finland to stop the birth of a child. That child was Hannu Toivonen. Oh, and he was wearing this:

That's right - Ozzy was foretold of the birth of the one who would destroy the franchise from between its own pipes, threw on his favorite Brian Sutter shirt, and set out for Finland with nothing in his pockets aside from lint and knives... and probably some booze. It's a long walk.

Ozzy is clearly a man's man who eats rocks and shits gunpowder, and that's what this fan base needs more of. I'm sick of seeing frat boys with spiked hair sitting in my section trying to start the wave, and whiny bitches who complain that the geniuses who yell for the towel-boy to "JUUUUUMMMP" after each of his interruptions should stop because it's mean spirited. It's not that it's mean spirited, it's just that we don't all menstruate. Ozzy would never pack up his testicles and carry them in a purse, and you shouldn't either.

The fact that we're living in a world with images like these...

Ozzy saw this in a vision, 24 years ago today. Kermit, however, could have never envisioned this.

is evidence enough to understand that Ozzy failed to reach Finland on that day, 24 years ago, and Hannu was born 3 days later. Although he failed on May 15, 1984, it's important for all of us to remember the spirit that Osbourne embodied on that day. He was the Blue Revolution before whoever wrote that failed marketing campaign was even born.

Here's to you, John Michael Osbourne - a great Blues fan and a great man who deserves all of our respect for being such a badass.

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Comments

I was impressed with Ozzy when he got arrested taking a piss on the Alamo.

by Brad Lee on May 15, 2008 11:13 AM CDT reply actions

why did you post a picture of ozzy with pascal laclaire?!?

by Childhood Trauma on May 15, 2008 11:29 AM CDT reply actions

The father of the JUUUUUUUMP movement, Drunk Gary, likewise is a devote of that monument-pissing saint.

CIRCLE OF LIFE, Simba.

by Johnny Hangover on May 15, 2008 12:00 PM CDT reply actions

While reading your article I was thinking about how mean you’re being to Hannu. Then I got to the the part about the Towel guy and what us whiny, menstruating bitches say and just burst out laughing.

Don’t you think that our inability to score may have played a part in the team’s “destruction”? Hell, we once had a 5 on 3 for close to two minutes and couldn’t manage to light the lamp. However, I do see the irony of Ozzy’s arrest and Hannu’s birth almost coinciding.

by Laura on May 15, 2008 1:12 PM CDT reply actions

trauma- that was pascal leclaire? i thought it was a picture of ozzy with strickland. my bad.

by Jessica on May 15, 2008 1:21 PM CDT reply actions

People look to Oz and ask
Is the cup near?
who should wear our mask?
What’s the future of robo-brewer
How do we get lee to shoot much truer?

Every team goes thru changes
Looking to find the cup
Don’t look at oz for answers
Don’t ask oz—-He don’t know!!

How Oz supposed to know
Why Murray’s teams second halves blow
Yan and Cam are from the past
local boys and so were put in the cast

You gotta believe in someone
Asking Oz who is right
Asking Oz who to root for
Don’t ask Oz—-He don’t know!!
He don’t know!!
He don’t know!!
He don’t know!!

Bridge:

Oz is just a Brit
So his hockey sense is full o shit
You gotta believe in monday miracles
It’s not how you play the game
It’s if you win or lose
You can choose
Don’t confuse
Win or lose
It’s up to you!!
It’s up to you!!
It’s up to you!!
It’s up to you!!
GO!! GO!! GO!!

Solo

People look to Oz and Ask
Is the cup near?
Who should wear our mask?
What’s the future Robo-Brewer
Will Cam or Dj be our bruiser?

Everyone goes through changes
Looking to find the truth
Don’t look at Oz for answers
Don’t ask Oz—-He don’t know!!

by Childhood Trauma on May 15, 2008 2:28 PM CDT reply actions