Dear Public Skating Session Jackass

by Answer Man on Jan 11, 2009 1:00 AM CST Comment 10 comments

Dear Public Session Jackass,

I’m glad we got a chance to speak Friday night at the public skate. I’d like to reiterate a few things to you.

First off, the reason why I asked you if you had a hockey game that night is because you were wearing hockey gloves at a public skating session. Maybe you were trying to break them in? Why did you take offense to it? Is it because you are a low-life piece of shit trying to show off for some 12 year old girls when you are clearly over the age of 21?

Once you conveyed to me you don’t play on a hockey team, I am still confused as to why you’d wear hockey gloves to a public skating session. They clearly aren’t used for warmth.

Secondly, I asked if the dude with the moobs you were with was your lover because you two were skating so closely together. It was either that or you two were coordinating how you’d get to the next “Meeting of the Juggalos”.

I’m going to let you in on some thing. No one gives a shit how fast you can skate. No one gives a shit how much you can jump through the crowd of people on the ice. No one gives a shit how high the snow goes when you hockey stop. In fact it makes you look like and even bigger douche bag.

I’ll be extremely honest with you. If the Answer Man Crew wasn’t on our outing as “Positive Adult Role Models” that evening, I would have dragged you off the ice and beat you senseless in front of the little kid you knocked down.

That’s it for now. Have a great night with Moobs and tell ICP they suck.

Hugs,

-AM-

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"Positive Adult Role Models"

That’s just all kinds of disturbing.

Used to be Aaron, but some douchebag Celtics fan has that one already.

by Fuck Detroit on Jan 11, 2009 1:44 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Maybe he didn’t know they were hockey gloves. He sounds like such a cool guy, maybe he saw them next to the skates & just thought they’d keep his fingers from getting sliced off? Or maybe you’re just a little older & more hairy than the sandbox snatch that his cool hockey gloves usually attract, “I mean what a mature, cool guy! And he’s got hockey gloves on so he must play. And judging by the way he just plowed over that todler & the hockey… He must be real tough!” said one sixth grade girl to the other. Either he was special (as in ed) or Chris Hansen material, either way, wouldn’t being a “positive adult role model” been pounding his perverted ass into the ice. Set the example that only certain fights away from the rink are OK.

by Nancy's Boy on Jan 11, 2009 7:10 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Edit button? What edit button?

Guess it wouldn’t truly be “away from the rink,” but it wasn’t functioning as a hockey rink, so ya get the point.

by Nancy's Boy on Jan 11, 2009 7:13 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

the only excuse I can think of for wearing hockey gloves during public skating would be that if he should fall, they’d protect his hands better than regular/no gloves

by Dooks on Jan 11, 2009 8:25 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

The verdict is in . . .

This man is a “Whistling Asshat Douche”.

I have a feeling you’ll be hearing that term a bunch in the coming months.

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield

by Donut King on Jan 11, 2009 11:04 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

I get the whole "positive role model" thing, AM...

…but I think I would have still thumped that douchebag’s ass for him.

Running over little kids at public skating sessions is just all kinds of uncool.

"If we do not prepare for ourselves the role of the hammer, there will be nothing left but that of the anvil."

-- Otto von Bismarck, 1851

http://www.tomorrowsblues.net

by Tomorrows Blues on Jan 11, 2009 12:02 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

I'm surprised...

He didn’t have a Cam Janssen jersey on. Seriously I’m pretty sure the Janssen family coat of arms has a picture of a large douche bag right in the center (with a picture of a monkey raping a goat because you need the family origin story on there somewhere)

by Doc Whiskey on Jan 11, 2009 12:31 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Wow.

This makes me wish I could draw.

SWYD

by gallagher on Jan 11, 2009 12:49 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Guys...

I’m not a huge Cam Jan fan, but seriously…hockey zombies have feelings too.

by Dan. on Jan 11, 2009 3:35 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

My favorite guy at public rinks is the kid in his early 20’s or so who just skates backwards at his top speed the entire fucking time trying to show off how great he is.. when he slams into the 8 year old skating for the first time you really want to “accidentally” skate over his Achilles tendon…

I also like the figure skater that gets pissed at you for taking up her space in the center where she’s spinning a bunch..

www.SecondCityHockey.com

by Matthew Dirt on Jan 12, 2009 9:27 PM CST reply actions 0 recs