Fellow Game Timer's, welcome to the first (and possibly only) edition of the GT Bob Plager Invitational Weekly Wrapup. Being the stat whore that I've become this fantasy season, I thought it would be
FUCKING AMAZING quasi-interesting to have a weekly summary of the league leaders in goals, assists, shitty calls against the Blues penalty minutes, etc. Let's get started shall we?
Alright, let's get this shiznit started. (Full stats can be found at the bottom. However, if you skip my witty commentary I will hunt your sorry ass down and force you to wear a Red Wings sweater.)
Bleeding Blue's pack of crafty puck hogs managed to slip 14 goals past opposing 'tenders this week. Which begs the question do these guys ever pass? Oh yea...I guess they do, because they also came to the show in a four-way tie for 3rd place with 22 assists. I guess they're just good or something.
Coming in a close second was Pabst Smears. Man, the images that name invokes...nice work CT. The Pabst Smears mustered 13 goals this week and were also part of the four-way tie mentioned above.
The Penis Machinists must have this guy on their team because they fucking dished it out like nobody's business, registering 27 helpers for the week. That's damn near four assists per day. Insanity.
Not slouching a bit in the "A" category was the Route 66 Racers who notched 25 assists.
Power Play Points
Ah, power play points...that wonderful stat that I wish our Blues notched on a more frequent basis (read "every game.") The Penis Machinists made it evident they are indeed the juggernaut. Bitch. Tallying a whopping 18 power play points this week, I can't help but say fuck Detroit.
The next nearest competitor...although none of us really came close, was the DookieDozen (I'm still trying to figure out if that's something similar to a baker's dozen) who put 14 PPP's on the board. And no, PPP ≠ Pension Plan Puppets.
Shots On Goal
141 shots. In one week. Those are Bonzo numbers. (Do-King you follow me on that right?) That's what Marmot's team put on net this past week. The goaltenders his team faced saw more rubber than a two-dollar whore that looks like Jessica Alba giving a half-price special. Crazily enough, for all that work to get pucks on net, the Marmot's only put up 7 goals last week.
Bleeding Blue edged out DookieDozen by one shot to squeak out 2nd place in SOG with 126.
What a fucking bunch of hooligans. The Route 66 Racers felt shame last week. A lot of shame. Fifty-seven minutes of it to be exact. I wonder if they have any relation to the Broad Street Bullies....things that make you go "hmmm?"
The DookieDozen also fielded a team of miscreants notching fifty-four PIM's. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Yea...I'm just gonna lump these three stats into one field, because Pagan Puck Pounders' netminders beat all of our asses this week. Not just a little beating either. If our fantasy teams could all be encapsulated in one picture this week, this is what we'd look like. The Pagan Puck Pounders threw down for 5 wins, a 1.19 goals against average, and a .956 save percentage. And they did that using only two fucking netminders. TWO. I have three 'tenders on my roster and I STILL sometimes have trouble hitting the three game minimum. All I have to say is nice fucking drafting Pagan.
This table is likely to come out fucked up looking but here goes nothing. In no particular order:
|The Fantasy Files||9||12||50||6||106||3||2.46||0.924|
|The Penis Machinists||12||27||30||18||121||2||3.61||0.892|
|Route 66 Racers||8||25||57||8||113||4||1.32||0.949|
|Don Buster Cherries||8||20||23||9||87||3||3.46||0.888|
|Matt Walker Hat Trick||10||14||44||12||102||2||3.37||0.88|
|Pagan Puck Pounders||12||17||41||12||121||5||1.19||0.956|
|Lehigh River Ferries||7||22||37||12||114||2||2.59||0.921|
|Hombres de cavernas||11||14||31||9||101||2||3.09||0.901|
|Golf Cart Polo Champs||11||21||20||12||111||1||3.24||0.893|
|The Ragin' Asians||6||18||20||7||89||1||2.5||0.936|
Do Pagan Puck Pounder's netminders have force fields?
Without a doubt (0 votes)
No, they sold their souls to the Devil for goaltending ability (3 votes)
Who cares? Fuck Detroit. (15 votes)
18 total votes