11. Wife keeps asking why you're just standing around in the kitchen. You're right in the way, you know.
10. Liver starting to get cocky.
9. The 'friends' you hang out with during the rest of the year not even 10% as much fun as the friends you hang out with 41 times a season.
8. This might just be the year that Towel Douche heeds our advice and does actually jump.
7. Charles Glenn on Opening Night = Natural Viagra.
6. Got nine bucks just burning a hole in your beer fund.
5. Finally gonna win the pool by kicking Louie the Big Blue Rat right in the nuts.
4. Waking up sober and rested on a Wednesday is for fucking suckers.
3. Can't wait to put a pic on your Facebook of you humping the new MacInnis statue.
2. Red Berenson Cowboy promised you he'd show you his patented "back way" into Illinois this year.
1. April was like a million years ago.
From the 12 Fluid Ounces of Gallagher's Brain