With our arch nemesis Detroit currently shitting the bed like a 4 year old on laxatives, I decided to investigate how their blog, Winging It In Motown was handling Detroits plummet from power.
* Almost none of what follows is based in any sort of legitimate reporting, except the fact that the Red Wings suck and that Detroit makes most of eastern Europe look like Disneyworld.
My Investigation hit a roadblock the minute it started. I was bluntly reminded that my RFJCC profile was serving a lifetime ban from WIM do to an unfortunate 'misunderstanding'. (Seriously, I thought they would enjoy meatspin) Thus I was forced to dust off SuperDetroitFan an alter-ego that almost gained a position as a story writer for WIM, however today it was only to be used to allow me to take a look around and chat up the base creatures that roamed its pages.
Upon arriving at the blog's home page, my computer immediately began to emit a smell comparable to rotting flesh and I quickly realized that they still hadn't done anything about that homeless guy who was frozen in ice last winter. Even though the smell was unbearable, I covered my nose and dove deeper, searching for people to talk to.
After looking around for a minute, I realized that the place was emptier than love from a stripper. Even though there was a came going on, there were about 46 total comments through the 2nd period, and most of them were made by a MrNorrisTrophy. I tried to chat the fellow up, but he recognized my alias and began demanding that I be banned again. However this won't stop me from making shit up about him that is loosely based upon what I found on his profile. The first thing that I notice was his picture, which made him look like a fat fuck from my elementary school who was dumber than shit and slower than molecules at absolute kelvin. Next I read his profile which basically told me that he uses his love of sports to keep him from focusing that he is a lonely man with a very small penis. (Ok so I made up part of that, I'm sure some women like his small package).
Next up was a mpetrella whose profile pic told that, 'I'm a humongous doucehat who used hipster culture to land a semi hot hipster girlfriend who probably believes that Matt and Kim is the second coming of christ'. Now these two fuckwads combined for most of WIM comments and can be considered the only two remaining detroit fans who also happen to own computers. Neither of them would answer any of my questions, most likely because they were too busy guzzling cum. (If mpetrella's GF is reading this, I recommend dumping him and swinging by STLGT, I'm sure we could hook you up with a nice, non-gay guy who also happens to not be a Douchetroit fan)
And what of their fearless (and might I add ball-less) leader Christy? At first I was impressed to meet a female from Detroit who was not an aging hooker out looking to score some crack, but then the fact that she was a Red Wings fan began to sour our relationship. Now I can't honestly say anything bad about Ms. Christy, she works hard to run a quality blog (even if it is inhabited by shitheads and fuckwads) and almost gave me a job as a writer, even tough I was totally lying to her about my love for Detroit and supposed journalistic skills. All in all she seems like a nice girl, if only we could convert her to a Blues fan.
In conclusion, WIM is rapidly crumbling, many of their followers are abandoning ship to avoid watching the Red Wings return to their 1980's glory. Though it was never in doubt who had the better blog site, WIM has sunk so low that it leaves us only one option, to continue to insult them at every opportunity. I mean what type of Blues fans would we be if we didn't kick those red bastards while they were down?