11. Don't have to write one of those patented A2M, "We're not bitter, THEY'RE bitter" posts.
10. Don't have to suck Maltby's dick for the thousandth time.
9. Not regretting that I've been so condescending/cocky for the last, um, well for ever.
8. Don't have to pretend like I'm really rebellious by using the word "bitch."
7. No need to pretend like this year's version of our team is better than last year's version of our team.
6. Don't have a complex about St. Louis Game Time.
5. Not watching the town I love literally collapse in on itself.
4. No dreams with Johan Frankenstein Franzen in them.
3. Haven't been raped by Kris Draper.
2. Have enough friends to cover the website when I'm gone for three weeks.
1. Didn't jack off using my own tears as lube last night.
From the 12 Fluid Ounces of Gallagher's Brain.