Answer Man suggested in a recent SLGT thread that a Top 11 David Backes Facts should show up in a future Game Time edition, and that I should write it. I thought this was a good enough idea for a FanPost, but I figured . . . if it was going to happen, it was going to happen with ORIGINAL content, not totally rehashed Chuck Norris or Bill Brasky Facts.
If the SLGT "Higher-Up's" would like to publish this in a future edition . . . hey, knock yourselves out!
And so I present to you . . . the Top 11 Facts About David Backes . . . after the jump.
11. David Backes thinks the Detroit Red Wings are gay. Well, he's kinda normal like that.
10. Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, Mr. T and Superman all wear David Backes pajamas.
9. The pilot for the TV show "The Unit" was nothing but a chronicle of David Backes' penis.
8. David Backes' facial hair is considered currency in Cote d'Ivoire.
7. Clint Malarchuk is forever thankful that it was Steve Tuttle who put a skate blade into his neck on that nearly-fateful night in Buffalo. Clint knows this because had it been David Backes, poor Clint's body would have simply exploded on impact.
6. David Backes is 1/4th Chippewa. He wasn't born that way . . . the dude fucking ate Central Michigan University whole.
5. Chet Ripley (played by John Candy) ate "The Ol' 96er" in the movie "The Great Outdoors". David Backes' pregame meal involves eating a whole cow. Fuck you, John Candy . . . but may you rest in peace. (Fixed. Thanks Dooks!)
4. David Backes wears a visor on his helmet not for eye protection, but as a tool to collect opposing players' blood to complete his Annihilation 3000 death robot prototype.
3. David Backes doesn't cross-check other players. Other players' bodies run into David Backes' stick.
2. During David Backes' youth, Barclay Plager's ghost visited the Backes home and patted young David on the shoulder. We now know that moment as "The Death Notice To The Rest Of The NHL".
1. David Backes is God's apology for allowing the Chicago Blackhawks to happen.