New Blues Products

by Brad Lee on Mar 1, 2009 5:47 PM CST

With the St. Louis Blues finally relevant again in the NHL, ownership has obviously moved quickly to step in and capitalize on the newfound popularity of the team. And in today's NHL, that means products fans can snatch up. You can put the Blue Note on almost anything. Trust me.

Blues Snuggie

It's not just for wannabe cult members anymore! Do you get cold sitting around your house reading a magazine or your latest copy of Game Time? Then you probably are freezing at the Drinkscotch Center for Blues games. So now you can wear your favorite blanket with arms and root on your favorite hockey team at the same time. And no, it's not totally creepy at all! They come in ridiculously large and tent-size.

Blues Shamwow

Why spend all that money on paper towels that you're going to have to buy again every month when you could get the Blues Shamwow?!!??! Stay with me, commenter. It's made in Germany, so you know it's good. And it also absorbs blood, so you can bring it with you to Detroit and Chicago games!

Erik Johnson Grill

When you're a professional hockey player and you're out for the year and you can't golf, apparently you cook. Now you can too with the Erik Johnson Grill. The fat just drips away like years left on an NHL entry contract.

Operators are standing by. Limit 12 per person. Offer not valid in Puerto Rico and Detroti.

Commenters, tell us what other products the Blues might be pimping any day now.

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Comments

Just a few...

The Jay Mckee instant first-aid kit
Big Walts Personal Liposuction machine
Techno Viking Crash Couch
Cam Janssen Bobble-Fist

You say 'Tomato', I say 'FUCK DETROIT', so lets call the season off

by RFJCC on Mar 1, 2009 5:58 PM CST reply actions

does the Bobble Fist look anything like Answer Man’s avatar photo? I bet he might be the only person to buy one

by Dooks on Mar 2, 2009 2:20 PM CST up reply actions

The Bernie Federko cardboard cutout Insta-Wife

Fuck Detroit

by Poor College Student on Mar 1, 2009 6:00 PM CST reply actions

The T.J. Oshie hair dryer.
Chris Mason’s head razor — now anyone can look like a penis!
Alex Steen air freshener — he knows what smells bad.
the Andy Murray Dog House (warning, may be currently occupied by Perron or Berglund).

by averagejoe on Mar 1, 2009 6:10 PM CST reply actions

Barret Jackman’s Guide to Making People Feel Stupid With Just a Look.
The David Backes’ Brass Balls — you too can play hockey like Chuck Norris would.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige

by Dan. on Mar 1, 2009 6:33 PM CST reply actions

I thought.....

he had ballz of steel

Life is relevant. You can put your hands on a hot stove and a fraction of a second seems like hours. Yet you can put your hands on a hot woman and hours seem to turn into seconds.

by spectr17 on Mar 2, 2009 2:55 AM CST up reply actions

Umm...

Fragile Jay’s Rascals- When extended stays on the DL leave you too tired to walk.
PerOshBerg’s Instant Pregnancy/STD Tests-‘nuff said
Jax Guide of Sarcastic Looks- When you think your roughing penalty should’ve gone uncalled.

by Nancy's Boy on Mar 1, 2009 6:39 PM CST reply actions

Perron’s Poutine cola “Now the great taste of Poutine..in a can!”
The Carlo Colaiacovo guide to name pronunciation
Paul Kariya Junior Houdini disappearing kit
Murray Corp. Pumpkin Bombs and Gliders

Hatred Walking

by Doc Whiskey on Mar 1, 2009 7:16 PM CST reply actions

A few more . . .

- The Teej Raggedy Ann/Andy Dolls (The Cabbage Patch Kids ain’t got shit on this one)
- The David Backes Shit-Disturbance Zamboni Replica (and the first caller gets the Annihilation 3000 Death Robot Prototype . . . ABSOLUTELY FREE!)
- The Kerry Fraser Punching Bag Made Especially For Blues Fans (Answer Man might already have this one)
- The David Perron JCVD Look-Alike Doll (spoooooooooooky)
And of course . . .
- The Cam Janssen ShowYouMyTits Pop-Up Figurine (this isn’t just your ordinary jack-in-the-box, kids!)

"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive." -- W.C. Fields

by Donut King on Mar 1, 2009 7:18 PM CST reply actions

The David Backes Shit-Disturbance Zamboni you say?

by Dooks on Mar 2, 2009 2:27 PM CST up reply actions

Tell them fucks from Pittsburgh . . .

that they need to bring that shizz back to the STL . . . NOW!

"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive." -- W.C. Fields

by Donut King on Mar 2, 2009 11:52 PM CST up reply actions

The Silent Jay McClemment Ball Gag and Zipper Mask- Call Jay for all of your fetish/gimp needs. Trust us, your bitch will come around.

Beating Me Is Tougher Then A Dog In A Bathtub. Confused? Check out this link for an explanation:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dog%20In%20A%20Bath%20Tub

by Answer Man on Mar 1, 2009 7:52 PM CST reply actions

Laughing so hard I was choking.

On one hand…not cool. On the other, sooooo amazing.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige

by Dan. on Mar 1, 2009 7:59 PM CST up reply actions

you are very kind

I just thought with his recent surge in production he may break his vow of silence and come out as leader of the zipper masked gimps. Jay’s a solid dude fo shoooooo

Beating Me Is Tougher Then A Dog In A Bathtub. Confused? Check out this link for an explanation:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dog%20In%20A%20Bath%20Tub

by Answer Man on Mar 1, 2009 8:47 PM CST up reply actions

Hot off the Presses

by Rich of GASL on Mar 1, 2009 8:47 PM CST reply actions

That was awesome

We should totally give you a column.

www.stlouisgametime.com

by Brad Lee on Mar 1, 2009 8:51 PM CST up reply actions

Nah....

….you probably couldn’t afford me.

by Rich of GASL on Mar 1, 2009 8:52 PM CST up reply actions

haha aweosme

You say 'Tomato', I say 'FUCK DETROIT', so lets call the season off

by RFJCC on Mar 1, 2009 9:00 PM CST up reply actions

LOL what the fuck?!

FUCK DETROIT IN EYEBALLS

"Go to sleep bitch! Die motherfucker die! Times up bitch close your eyes!" ~Eminem
"Turned into a monster I'm a motherfucker!!!" ~ Static X

by Carnie on Mar 1, 2009 9:47 PM CST up reply actions

The Bill and Nancy Laurie escape kit

Fuck Detroit

by Poor College Student on Mar 1, 2009 9:01 PM CST reply actions

thats cold

its almost as bad as The Saint Louis Arena Do-it-Yourself Demolition Kit

You say 'Tomato', I say 'FUCK DETROIT', so lets call the season off

by RFJCC on Mar 1, 2009 9:09 PM CST up reply actions

The first two products

Made me think of some potential St. Louis slogans.

1. After a Blues loss, we cuddle like none-other.
2. St. Louis, rocking the faux-hawk into the playoffs since 2009.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige

by Dan. on Mar 1, 2009 11:25 PM CST reply actions

Rent-A-Walt.

Let's go Blues!!!

by Milo. on Mar 2, 2009 3:24 AM CST reply actions

Steen’s F5 Deluxe Pool Vac. When it’s time to winterize and you need the horsepower to empty the pool in time for the game.

Pic’s “Oration For The Masses” (turd edition). Even Navajo code talkers are impressed with this ground breaking book from the master that’s recently be updated.

The Emmanuel Ole’ Pancake Flipper. Move like a pro in the kitchen.

Gasser’s Nighty Night Elixir. When you need a sock right betweenst the eyes to end the insomnia.

Cam’s Noogie Cream. Great for covering up black eyes, hickeys and other skin problems.

Life is relevant. You can put your hands on a hot stove and a fraction of a second seems like hours. Yet you can put your hands on a hot woman and hours seem to turn into seconds.

by spectr17 on Mar 2, 2009 3:36 AM CST reply actions