The Call From Peoria; Blues One Act Theater

[Ringtone: Walking On Sunshine.]

Go for Walt.

This is the operator. Will you accept a collect call from Emmanuel Fernandez Legace?

Emmanuel Fernande... Oh yeah. Sure, sure. I'll accept the charges.

 One second, please. Caller, you are connected.

Walter. How are you? You haven't sent anything back on my Twitters.

Yeah, I was gonna say something about that, buddy. Um, I don't know what a Twitters is. And your email about Tweets and all that... is that a Peoria thing?

Oh god do I ever not want to talk about Peoria.

Wow. Kind of awkward. Hey, here's someone else to talk to!

*sigh*

Go! For! Osh!

Hey kid, it's Manny. How's it going? I hear you're the new King of St. Louis.

That's wild, man, because I hear you're the new King of Peoria.

Not that cool, Teej.

Nothing bad meant by it, Manny. I hear Peoria is... umm. That Peoria is.... Is. Peoria.

Anyone else around, Furnace Face?

You bet, Emmanuel. Say hi to Dancin' Stevie Wagner for me. Hold on, I'll get someone for you.

Steve Wagner. Like I talk to anyone down here. Stupid.

Yo, Masonry here. Who callin' on my phone?

Oh. Hey Mason. It's Manny.

Manny. Manny. Manny. OH! Uh, hey Manny. Um, how's it, uh, goin'?

You know. Great or whatever. You?

Uh. You know. Nineteen straight starts and whatnot... uh. So.

So.

So. Yeah.

What's that?

What?

Oh. I thought you said something.

Nah.

No.

Nope.

Oh. Because I thought...

Yeah, no.

 (fucking Oshie. I'm gonna kill that kid.)

   (fucking Oshie. I'm gonna kill that kid.)

Hey, hold on, 34. I got someone here for you.

Yeah, I wear number 35 now. Ah forget it.

Yo, go for Bling Ben!

Bling Ben? Since when, rook?

(whispering) Hey, Manny. I told the guys that's what they call me in Peoria. Do a kid a solid, would ya, and don't say shizz to nobizz, OK?

Hey, how's my cat doing? You're feeding him, right?

Yeah, man, yeah.

And you're keeping the apartment clizzean, right? I don't want to have to deal with dirty dishes whe... IF I come back.

Aw hell, if I don't have to come back you can have all those dirrrrty dish-ass, homes! Ya feel me?

Bishop.

Yeah Manny?

Shut the fuck up.

Okay Manny.

Hey hold on, someone's grabbing the phone.

Dude, you're still on this collect call? Whaddaya think I am, made of money. Oh wait, that's right, I am made of money. Ha!

Great Walt. Great.

Come on, man, that shit is wicked funny.

Walt, this sucks. I'm in a race for a playoff race in the AHL and you guys might make the real playoffs. Everyone is going crazy for Mason and... and... it's like it's all over for me. No one even knows I'm down here.

Come on man, it's not that bad. One of the kids told me that some Peoria blog was saying good stuff about you. Hey, is a blog like a Twitters?

Sort of. Yes. Well, no. Not really. Yes. Whatever. I don't know.

 Well maybe the blogtwitterses people are right. You could get signed again this summer and be back in the NHL. Hell, I heard the Red Wings are going to be looking for some new goalies this summer.

You've been there before. You could go back. How's that sound? Back to Detroit?

Aw come on, man. Fuck Detroit.

Yeah. Good point.