-You pass up the nachos with jalapenos for toast points with caviar

-The biggest check you see at a home game is handed to a local charity

-Instead of a horn guy you have a string quartet

-You wonder why you haven't seen that Gretzky fellow all game

-You're not quite sure what a "playoffs" is

-Goal horn?  Scares the hell out of your chihuahua

-Think fighting is barbaric and think the matter would best be decided via a discussion over a nice spot of tea

-You think the logo the 2nd grader drew for your third jersey is cutting edge art

-Wish the team would reconsider changing their name to the Foppish Dandys

-You actually think you have a chance beating the Blues tomorrow night