Blues Pre-Game Inspirational Speeches

March 19th, 2009, 11:30PM PDT, Vancouver, BC, moments after a 3-0 win for the Vancouver Canucks over the St. Louis Blues...


HOCKEY MEDIA: The St. Louis Blues have made a remarkable run during the second half of the season, after every one, and I mean every single one of us in the media counted them out. It is the most unusual and spectacular thing in the NHL annals. One lone and simple American team giving the middle finger to the greatest sports related media in the world. What they lacked in experience they've made up in fight. But those tired Blues legs are buckling; bleary eyes, voice gone, Technoviking sagging, they can't go on much longer and all the official hockey know-it-alls are here to be in on the kill. Right now team President Davidson has the floor...

DAVIDSON: Just get up off the ground, that's all I ask. Get up there with the teams that are securely in the playoffs already--you'll see the whole parade of what we've carved out for ourself after years of drafting and scouting for something better than just a participation ribbon and a pat on the ass...we are fighting so's we can stand on our own two skates-- free and decent, like the day we signed our first pro contracts. That's what you'll see if you make the playoffs. There's no place out there for golf or greed or Columbus or other compromises with human dignity.

The Blues players look at DAVIDSON with no spark of interest in their eyes. Each holds a copy of their obituary in their hands. DAVIDSON turns and looks at the gathering vulture media...

DAVIDSON: I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Media Men. All you players don't know about lost causes. The media does. They said once they were the only causes worth fighting for, and they fought for them once, for the only reason that any man ever fights for them. Because of just one plain, simple rule: "Fuck Detroit" And in this world today, full of bandwagon jumping Red Wings "fans", a man who knows that one rule has a great trust. You in the media knew that rule and I loved you for it, just as my father did, and my father's father, and my father's father's father..where was I??  Oh yeah!  And you know that you fight for the lost causes harder than for any others. Yes, you'd even die for them, though that is hardly option "A".

You think we're licked. You all think we're licked! Well, we're not licked and I'm going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause even if the papers get filled with lies like these!

DAVIDSON grabs the obits out of the startled players hands and rips them to shreds.

And the media and all their armies of Red Wing sycophants come marching into our place shattering our dreams... Somebody'll listen to me... somebody....

DAVIDSON collapses in a heap. The Blues players rise as one screaming vengence, ripping the media new assholes at a truly Carnie-istic rate.

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