Scene: A golf course in suburban Dallas. Brett Hull is in a golf cart talking on his cell phone.
Yeah, I'm over the Avery thing. He's with the Rangers. Who knew they'd be interested in our sloppy seconds. (click) I've got a call on the other line. This is Hullie, shootin' par and smiling. What's up?
Call me tomorrow. Or send me a tweeter thing. I'm playing golf.
The deadline's today, dumbass. I'll Twitter your (click)...I've got a call on the other line. This is Burke. Don't waste my time.
Burkie, Bobby Gainey here. I'm trying to unload one of my mafia guys. Or maybe get a goaltender that doesn't wet the bed at night. Interested?
Do I look like John Ferguson Jr. to you?
No. He has better hair. (click) I've got a call on the other line. Bonjour. Je m'appelle Bob.
Hey poutine breath. Doug Risebrough here. Have I got a deal for you. For the low price of your three best defensive forwards in your system, you can have Marian Gaborik and his surgically enhanced groin. I'm ready to do this thing.
Does he speak French? And what if we don't have any defensive players in our system?
Dangit. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Who wouldn't want Gaborik? He's looked great in all six games he played this season. (click) I've got a call on the other line. Minnesota Wild, we like offense, I promise. This is Doug.
Just kidding! I haven't been able to perform mind control on someone since Judge Houston died. You're safe...for now. (click) I have a call on the other line. Devils Hockey where Newark isn't as much of a war zone as you think. This is Darth Lou.
No. Trade me Oshie.
You will trade me Oshie.
I'm wearing garlic around my neck and I'm holding an oversized silver cross. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU to trade for Tkachuk. (click) I've got a call on the other line. This is Pleau. Geaux.
Larry, Ken Holland with the defending Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings. I'd like to acquire Ke (click) ith...hello? Larry? Dammit, he hung up again. I wonder why?