Post-loss meeting: JD, Checketts, Murray

This morning, after last night's sweep, Blues coach Andy Murray was drowning his sorrows in a glass of officially sponsored Drinkscotch on the rocks. Out of nowhere, Blues security physically hauled him out of the coach's office and escorted him to a private meeting upstairs.

"Fuck ... man! There's a beverage here!"

"Start talking and talk fast, you lousy bum!"

"We've been frantically trying to reach you, Green Goblin."

"Where's my goddamn playoff win, you bum?!"

"Well we--I don't--... Bettman--"

  "The fans, they did not receive a playoff win, you nitwit!  They did not receive the goddamn win. THEIR SEASON WAS IN YOUR HANDS!"

  "This is our concern, Goblin."

"Wha-? No, man, nothing is fucked here--"

"NOTHING IS FUCKED?! WE WERE SWEPT! THAT GODDAMN LOUIE HAS JUMPED OFF THE ROOF AND CRASHED INTO KUNG FU BUNNY!"

"C'mon man, who're you gonna believe? Some homer Canuck media? Some guy who calls himself 'The Hockey Guy?' That asshat on the radio? Those guys are-- ... I almost won Game 3 and 4--"

"WHAT?!"

   "I--us, uh, "we," you know, the editorial-- uh, the team is one collective "I," uh ... I played the kids, exactly as per--Look, I've got certain information, certain things have come to light. and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just be, not, you know, not just such a simple loss, but uh ... you know?

  "What in God's holy name are you blathering about?"

"I'll tell you what I'm blathering about!  I got information--new shit has come to light and--shit, man!  Bettman did this himself! ...

Well sure! Look at it:  Greasy ex-Islanders goaltender and a washed up Swede -- I mean, in the parlance of our times -- owes money to casinos all over Canada, including to known pornographers-- and that's cool, that's cool-- but I'm saying, he needs Cup glory, and the league wants-- and of course they're gonna ...

Look, we didn't win 'cause Bettman wants it, man, he's gotta feed Sundin and the twins. I mean--hasn't that ever occurred to you...?  Sir?

  "No.  No, Mr. Murray, that had not occurred to me."

   "That had not occurred to us, Goblin."

  "Well, okay, you're not privy to all the new shit, so uh, you know, but that's what you canned Kitchen for.  Speaking of which, would it be possible for me to get my playoff bonus in cash?  I gotta check this with my accountant of course, but my concern is that, you know, a sweep might get you guys to reconsider uh--"

  "Checketts, give him the envelope."

  "Well, okay, if you've already made out the check..."

[Checketts hands over a refund demand from a pink-Cardinals-hat wearing fan who signed up for Blues season tickets last week.]

  "We received it this morning."

  "Since you have failed to achieve, even in the modest task that was your charge, since you have stolen the money due me for a home Game 6, and since you have unrepentantly betrayed our fans. ... I have no choice but to tell the bums at St. Louis Game Time that they should do whatever is necessary to recover their playoff money from you, Andy Murray. 

And with Checketts as my witness, I tell you this:  Any further anguish visited upon Blues fans, shall be visited tenfold upon your head.

...By God sir, I will not abide another loss to those Swedish fucking Canucks or their greasy fucking goalie."