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Ok i cranked two of the submitted prompts out in like 20 minutes. In my opinion it's not my best work, but you guys seem to enjoy these so here we go...

 

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Prompt: How did the book Star Girl change your life?(Submitted by Carnie)

 

         According to Wikipedia, Jerry Spinelli’s novel Stargirl “centers on a new 10th grade student at Mica Area High School in Arizona: Stargirl Caraway, otherwise known as Susan Julia Caraway, an eccentric and compassionate girl who has spent her previous years in homeschooling.” Upon reading this quick description I immediately think of our friend Carnie, but then realize that the girl is described as ‘compassionate’ and realize that I am waaayyy off. As I read further I realize that this is one of those books you give to kids in order to teach them to be unique by acting shit-fucking crazy all the time. Dear god I can’t begin to tell you how annoying this is, especially when I’m working at a camp filled with kids who were spoon-fed this nonsense. Oh I just glanced again at the Wiki article again and found out that this chick plays the goddamn Ukulele…WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT? I mean why not learn the guitar, one it’s cooler and two it scores you way more ass than the Ukulele. (Seriously when was the last time you ever hear of a Ukulele player scoring with anyone other than his or her hand? (Rosey Palms anyone?)) Wait hold up, it seems that Wiki is informing me that because this girl is clinically insane, the narrator of the novel falls in love with her. OH FUCK ME RUNNING, are you serious? I mean it’s dumb for a person to fall like someone solely for their looks, but isn’t equally dumb to like someone because they act like they’ve had a lobotomy? Ok now give me a second to finish reading this plot recap and I’ll let you know how it ends……Oh man it’s worse than I imagined. Ok so like any stereotypical book about high school, the basketball team goes to the state play-offs. (Can anyone here name a novel where the high school basketball was mediocre?) Then it seems that the high school blames Stargirl for them losing in the playoffs. (Brad and Juan I blame the two of you for what happened to the Blues, yea that makes TOTAL sense) Now because of this, stargirl realizes that it’s not cool to act retarded (you think her parents would have told her that) and tries to fit in. In a hilarious turn of events, she fails and returns to being crazy, which causes the narrator to dump her, (seriously this guy might be more fucked up than stargirl) right before the big dance, and response stargirl basically whores herself out to a bunch of guys at the dance. (Wow, now that is and ORIGINAL way to respond to being dumped) She then disappears leaving the narrator, and the reader, wondering ‘what the hell just happened to me?’. In conclusion, I hate books that teach kids to be unique by acting as fucked up as possible. Here’s a tip, if you like doing something, keep doing it. Who gives a rat’s ass if it is conforming or not. It’s your goddamn life so do whatever you want and fuck the rest.(I think I stole that from a movie...)

 

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Prompt: If you were a wealthy landowner in the South would you support slavery? Would you own slaves?(Submitted by Wennington4)

 

(This is intended to be humorous, not racist…Please bear with me)

 

            Ah slavery, the American equivalent of the holocaust (of course since we were first chronologically, does that mean the holocaust was the German equivalent of slavery?) Anyway I’m pretty sure that this question half answers itself. I mean how the hell could I acquire wealth and land without slavers? It’s like scoring 50 goals all without a hockey stick, it cant be done and you’re gonna look like a fool for trying. I mean can you imagine the conversations my neighbors would have once they found out that I was farming my own land?

 

Neighbor One: Y’all hear about Mister Jennings down the road, I hear he works in the field all day

Neighbor Two: I do declare, you mean he works all day like a common slave?

Neighbor One: Indeed he claims he enjoys the work but I think he wants to fit in with the Negros.

Neighbor Two: Be like a negro? That wont happen till they start recording their music and invent such things as rock n roll, hip hop and afro’s

Neighbor One: Hip hop? Afro’s? Son what are you talking about?

Neighbor Two: I never told you? I can see into the future…

Neighbor One: WITCH! YOURE A WITCH! YOU MUST BURN!!!

(The next day I’m down to one neighbor who smells a lot like smoke)

 

So yes if I were a wealthy land-owner way down in Dixie I would have a whole slew of slaves to my work, leaving me free to pursue a higher level of education like so many southerners do today. (See what I did there?) Now as for supporting slavery, I’m pretty sure I would question the morality of it on a daily basis and it would probably make me feel bad. Naturally I would counteract this feeling of guilt by consuming large amounts of alcohol every night so I guess my overall feelings towards slavery would be neutral. Of course if we ignore the morality of the situation (I do this more and more theses days, like last week when I robbed to local 7 eleven in order to pay for a hit I put out on one of the prostitutes I was pimping. (I totally ignored morality on that one)) then I think owning slaves would be kinda awesome. I mean who doesn’t want a bunch of free help that will do whatever you need them to do? (Actually today you can just go to mexico for that, but you’ll need a truck, and a friend on the border patrol) In conclusion if I were a wealthy landowner in the South, I would most likely own salves and would probably support slavery just so I would fit in and not cause one of my fine neighbors to be burned at the stake.

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(If the reviews stay positive, more will follow!!)

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