The Hockey Prof: New Season's Resolutions

by Rich of GASL on Sep 18, 2009 12:50 PM CDT

I've never been a big fan of New Year's resolutions. I've never really figured out why hitting January 1st should mean anything to anybody. OK, fine, we have to buy a new calendar, but why should I re-evaluate my entire life just because I bought another set of 12 Far Side cartoons?

Besides, I've always been wary of New Year's resolutions because I suspected the people pushing us to make them were the same Catholic bastards that made New Year's a holy day of obligation. Oh, yeah, like I'm so fucking sure it was totally coincidental that I was being forced to go to church after a night dedicated to heavy drinking. Sorry, bishops, but I ain't buying it for a minute.

However, the start of the hockey season is something that has special meaning to me. Life is noticeably different once the Blues are skating for real. So it makes sense, to me at least, for this to be the time of year where I decide to make changes to what is important to me. Now, it isn't my fault that, because it is this time of year, my resolutions will all be about hockey. If you don't like it Mr. Bishop I suggest you go read a golf blog or something. (Sit down Ben, I'm not talking to you!)

Resolution #1 - This season I resolve to cut Brad Winchester some fucking slack.

Resolution #2 - If I'm watching a Blues/Red Wings game and the Note goes down by two goals, I resolve to no longer threaten to slash my wrists, nor will I any longer promise to "take out" anyone who tries to console me.

Resolution #3 - I resolve to finally make it to the Excel to see the Blues play the Wild, even if I have to pay some scumbag scalper out the wazoo for the privilege.

Resolution #4 - I resolve to drink more on game nights.

Resolution #5 - No matter where the Blues sit in the standings at any given date, I resolve to wait until the end of the season before I speculate on whether Coach Murray's parents were ever married.

I think that is about all the self-improvement I can stand at a single sitting. But, if you have any resolutions you would like to announce I think this is the place to do it.

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I only have one.

I resolve to knock out anyone who shows up at the ~~Savvis~~ ~~DrinkScotch~~ ~~ScotchTape~~ ~~Admiral Stockdale~~ Kiel Center for a Blues game with those ridiculous fucking “bangers” they gave out before Game 4. Then they’re gonna get stabbed with a bowling ball. Don’t know HOW that’ll happen, but I’ll figure it out.

Drop them shits, people.

One day, David Backes and Albert Pujols will combine forces to become the most awesome piece of violent force known to man.

by Donut King on Sep 18, 2009 1:02 PM CDT reply actions

Of course . . .

this will only apply to the handful of games I’ll be there.

One day, David Backes and Albert Pujols will combine forces to become the most awesome piece of violent force known to man.

by Donut King on Sep 18, 2009 1:04 PM CDT up reply actions

Why do these all have to do with booze?

I promise to leverage cheap pitcher deals at Maggie’s to insight unruly fandom at Drink Scotch.

I promise to try my best to use British swear words when there are children within ear shot.

I promise to continue to ridicule Louie so much for not wearing pants that he vows to never return to 307.

I promise to make the corridor outside 306/307 the most inviting for Blues fans and uncomfortable for away fans.

I promise that after a big win (or a when I am significantly drunk) I will celebrate with a dangerous physical feat (i.e. run down the metal area between the escalators or broad jump from pylon to pylon in the Union Station parking lot).

I promise to sing “When the Blues Go Marching In” as loud as I can after every goal.

I have to get back to work so that is all I have for now.

PS I guess I’ll promise to stop K10 from falling over the railing if he gets close again. He just got married and his wife seems like a nice lady.

by dvdvrhs on Sep 18, 2009 1:15 PM CDT reply actions

I guess I’ll promise to stop K10 from falling over the railing if he gets close again. He just got married and his wife seems like a nice lady.

Unless she seems like a real nice lady. Then let him fall, if you know what I mean….

by Rich of GASL on Sep 18, 2009 1:40 PM CDT up reply actions

So how will we decide

who gets to console the widow?

by Icion on Sep 18, 2009 10:04 PM CDT up reply actions

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

Here am I, trying to cultivate a new Blues fan, and you all are conspiring on ways to kill me…I see how it is! I’ll be back with my own personal resolutions, as soon as I figure out a way to not “fall over the railing” on my own. Thanks Game Time patrons, you vondrooks!

by k10patel on Sep 18, 2009 10:54 PM CDT up reply actions

Real friends

Joke about bumping you off to your face.

by Icion on Sep 18, 2009 11:24 PM CDT up reply actions

Fair enough...

Now for my resolutions…

I promise, that I will continue to ask Tom Calhoun “what quantity of time measurement remains” when appropriate (by appropriate, I mean right before the last minute of play in each period, wink wink).

I promise to make sure Dave does not look back at our own section and yell at them to “Suck It”.

I promise to counter 306’s “Let’s Go Blues” with our own, even if that means the entire length of a period, or even the full game.

I promise to not set precedence again, and stick to the bylaws of booing, by not booing old ladies in the face, or young kids. The young kids’ parents however, are fair game, for their negligence in rearing their child.

I promise to sing “The Song” as we leave Drink Scotch after a win, and reserve “The Song” only for wins.

I promise not to get our group banned from TGI Friday’s on Kiener Plaza again.

Finally,
I promise not to fall over the railing at any point of a game, in any state of drunkenness, just for the fact of keeping all of your hands off of my wife!

LET’S GO BLUES!

by k10patel on Sep 19, 2009 12:18 AM CDT up reply actions

rich has a very good point

how nice is she

After 5 No-Dozes I feel great.. only except that i can hear my ears.. and I believe that toenails are the funniest thing I have ever seen.
Come Root on the blues at
www.stlouisgametime.com

by MSUBluenoter on Sep 19, 2009 1:15 PM CDT up reply actions

Resolution 4

seems like the most logical decision.

by Busch Ice on Sep 18, 2009 1:33 PM CDT reply actions

I resolve

to recruit more GT readers, and I mean the rag, not here…
to help the rag as much as possible, top elevens, over/unders / bingo, news, whatever, these guys work their ass off for my entertainment.
to stop insanely texting Sean while I am at the games cause I am too lazy to walk over a dozen Blues fans
on the way to Sect. 307 to visit irl….
to stop hassling John at 14th and Clark…ok, nevermind, that won’t stop…..
to follow # 2 above… this team CAN come back and win….
to yell at all the fucktards that insist on starting the wave during a fucking HOCKEY game…. fuckers.
to yell at all the fuckurds that think they can get up and leave quickly WHILE the puck is in play. fuckers.
to remind everyone what it was like to have Mike Eastwood on the ice….
to try and forget Wayne what’s his name used to play for the Blues…
to utter the phrase “Fuck Detroit!!!” as much as humanly possible.
There will be more…

by DanGNR on Sep 18, 2009 2:53 PM CDT reply actions

to remind everyone what it was like to have Mike Eastwood on the ice….

Something to the tune of:

Back in my day, we had to deal with Rich Pilon and we LIKED IT!

No beer and no TV make Homer...something something.

by Poor College Student on Sep 19, 2009 4:42 PM CDT up reply actions

i reckon i can do better this year with resolution #4

make it to a game. (i live in SW Colorado and the nearest NHL rink is Denver, 5hr drive)

by patchlips on Sep 18, 2009 3:57 PM CDT reply actions

I resolve to

eat/drink nothing but Budweiser and scotch on game days
take it easier on Jackman this season
roadtrip to detroit as well as chicago and take a shit somewhere, anywhere, as well as UPPERDECK random sports bars
piss all over joe louis arena when possible
laugh at the full families donning the Oshie jersey
not hate Daryl Sydor when his age is prevalent
buy a Jay Mcclement jersey, he is the shitballs
amongst other things

"I quit because I didn't feel like the Detroit Lions had a chance to win. It just killed my enjoyment of the game."
-Barry Sanders
(Soon to be the Detroit RedWings - Henrik Zetterberg '11)

by DasBlues74 on Sep 18, 2009 4:36 PM CDT reply actions

I pledge

to drink on game nights and to not remember any losses in the morning
to start posting more regularly
to be wierded the fuck out at the fact that there are players younger than me

After 5 No-Dozes I feel great.. only except that i can hear my ears.. and I believe that toenails are the funniest thing I have ever seen.
Come Root on the blues at
www.stlouisgametime.com

by MSUBluenoter on Sep 19, 2009 1:18 PM CDT reply actions