Wednesday links: Tired of these long breaks edition

Cut Jordin Tootoo. Dude is fucking worthless as tits on a boar and does nothing but fly around and encourage the other team to injure his teammates. I wish I were kidding.

Plus, increase fighting? Pretty sure Crombeen destroyed O’Brien in a fight the last game. Embarrassing if you’re a Preds fan. I’m sure the Blues would be GLAD to go at it on Thursday. Again.

Try not to make him faint again – no loud noises or sudden movement, ok?

I’m sure that Mason’ll appreciate not facing 40 SOG for the 10th time this season.

I wish there was a “Fuck Detroit” button on Facebook. Just so I wouldn’t have to type it every time a Red Wings fan comments “go Wings!”

I’m desperate for one and the link appears to be broken

First lock I ever picked was with a playing card when my rotten cousin locked me in the closet. The spring type door latch. Simple but effective. Then my friend’s older brother the cop showed me how to slip handcuffs. That came in handy a time or two later in life. The military is where I got my advance MacGyver training. I still carry the picks for work and have to open a gate or unlock old equipment sometimes.

One lock pick story. Right after 9/11 I’m flying to the Lou and I check my carry on bag for shit like knives, guns and grenades tweezers, stuff they say isn’t allowed any more. I’m clean, or so I thought. I’m in line and the x-ray dude says I got tweezers in my bag. No I fuckin don’t I tell the guy, I don’t pluck shit on my body. Out they pull my azz for deeper inspection. They finally find my lock picks, it was the broken key extracter the dude was freaking on. Somehow I had missed the slim leather case the picks were in. Anyhoo, I’m about to be let go when the goof Sgt. starts looking at my rakes, the ones you rake the tumblers with. They look just like shanks and off I go to secondary with everyone pointing and watching what might be a terrorist.

They shake me down hard and I finally drop my get out of jail free card and they verify I justified to be carrying lock picks. I still have to give them up, they wouldn’t let me fly with them even though I point out how a person could use a ballpoint pen to jab into someone’s carotid artery for the same effect.

I get on the plane finally and I hear hushed whispers and there’s subtle pointing about me being the shive dude in the x-ray line. We get airborne and I gotta take a leak so I stand up and I hear a gasp from grandma behind me. Every seat was eyeballing me the whole way to the can and back. If I had so much as sneezed half that plane would have dogpiled me. Can’t say I would have blamed them either.