Tuesdays With Hildy: What Did The Blues Do To Tick Off The Hockey Gods?
Thank you much to averagejoe for the idea for today's TwH. I'm a bit fried and recently have been having problems coming up with either jack or shit for here or Thrashing the Blues.
I am not one for wailing or gnashing of teeth. Generally, people consider me the cool and collected one of my friends, or at the very least the one who has the emotional depth of a puddle. My response to adverse situations is usually either a snide comment or ducking my head back into a book or under the covers until it goes away, and that isn't any different when it comes to hockey.
I've been doing it so often these past five or so years that you could say that I might have become a better professional turtler than even Jordin Tootoo. I am my own personal Denmark - I have no expectations of anything, and if something negative happens it usually doesn't phase me. If something positive happens? Pleasant surprise.
That's how I viewed St. Louis' start to this season - a wonderful surprise. Did I expect it to last forever and for us to end the season with a record that looks like it came from a season of NHL 11? Naaaah. I was happy, though, because I took it to mean that hard work, drafting, and maturation of youth were coming together. Even with the recent losing streak I still take it to mean that. But my God, what the hell has been going on recently?
We're already losing massive games to injury: Carlo Colaiacovo and Brad Winchester (!) might be back, but TJ Oshie, David Perron, Roman Polak, and Barret Jackman are still gone. Not only do we either not have a timetable for their return (Perron) or too-long of a timetable (Oshie), we lost them all in about three weeks' time. At first, it was ok, but after a while the injuries have piled up, culminating in TJ Oshie's fractured ankle in some blowout game that already was painful enough.
Oh, and then he's on the All Star ballot for a game that he won't even be able to play in, as though someone just has to rub salt in that wound. It's been harder and harder to maintain momentum, and despite Cola's triumphant return and Brad Boyes scoring some sort of weird "power play" goal or something last night (I heard a goal from Boyes was like finding El Dorado, so what the hell is a PP goal from Boyes like?), the team still seems to be letting recent personnel losses drag them down.
So what say you, Game Timers - are we being punished for our hot start? Does all of this mean nothing and is just a run of unfortunate circumstances? Or could it be something more, and someone up in Montreal is sticking pins in their Jaroslav Halak voodoo doll?
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I think
it might have gone something like this:
“Hmmmm…what can I do to really fuck with those Blues fans this year? I know…I’ll lull them into a false sense of security by letting them get Halak. Then….let them have a good start to the season. Then…JUST when they’re getting settled and thinking they might, just might, have a team to contend for the Cup, I’ll hit them with a total clusterfuck of injuries and a really shitty November schedule….”
BLUE SKIES - new St Louis Blues hockey blog.
"Hello...I'm the Doctor. Basically....run."
"There's one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one thing you never, ever put in a trap...ME."
The Eleventh Doctor - he's da man!
"We told St. Louis to give up their hockey dreams with the Eagles, but nooo..."
“So we gave them some old guys and some rookies and they did good for the first three years. But each season should have been the last! They lost the Cup Finals three years in a row! I tell you Pokecheckticus, son of Twolinepassius the Inviolate, these… Blues… have no sense of what it means to be the original six!”
“And yet, Trappus Blockus, we have not crushed their fans’ spirits! Why do they not flock to the Black Hawks or Red Wings as we have decreed? Why do they defy us?”
“I do not know, but I shall place a call to Pontifex Obsequious Bettman and have him relocate the team to Haiti.”
“Why not just send them across the river to Brooklyn instead?”
“By the Mustache of Snepst, I am not that cruel, Pokecheckticus!”
I’m pretty sure that’s how the Hockey Gods talk. They probably sound a lot like the badly-dubbed Hercules movies that KPLR used to play.
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 16, 2010 2:40 PM CST reply actions 13 recs
rec'd
like my dreams of an NHL11-esque season.
I LOLed.
#SilentJay4Selke
@ProdigiousOne - twitter
Halak to Move it Move it
then you gotta actually 'rec' it.
Click ‘actions’ then the ‘rec’ button. If the comment gets enough recs it turns green and everyone sees how genius it is.
I rec’d it.
ever forget?
happened to me once.
#SilentJay4Selke
@ProdigiousOne - twitter
Halak to Move it Move it
Rec'd too
bloody fantastic.
Scarily…I could visualise it…
BLUE SKIES - new St Louis Blues hockey blog.
"Hello...I'm the Doctor. Basically....run."
"There's one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one thing you never, ever put in a trap...ME."
The Eleventh Doctor - he's da man!
by drfrankentweed on Nov 16, 2010 3:50 PM CST up reply actions
Isn't KPLR where they used to show Blues games?
At least before Dish and FuckMidwest fucked it up?
anyway, Rec’d like the Blues creative marketing dept.
PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
Hell yeah it was
back when they had Ken “Oh Baby” Wilson. My favorite catch phrase ever
Yep. Blues games and Voltron.
Two of a kids’ best friends on television.
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 16, 2010 7:26 PM CST up reply actions
13 inch black n white TV in the bedroom with rabbit eats
Rasslin At The Chase on Sundays.
Just a chew toy for the hockey gods
by spectr17 on Nov 16, 2010 8:15 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Hell yes
It’s too bad Larry Matasyk couldn’t have kept the tapes of those shows. I think KPLR reused most of them…
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 16, 2010 9:09 PM CST up reply actions
Yep
I’d watch the replay of the Mizzou game at 10:30pm Saturday night
the Wrasslin’ at the Chase on Sunday morning.
Exactly like this with my 13" b&w tv.
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.
It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all. Laura Ingalls Wilder
Those were the days, weren't they?
"If we do not prepare for ourselves the role of the hammer, there will be nothing left but that of the anvil."
-- Otto von Bismarck, 1851
http://futurenotes.blogspot.com
by Tomorrows Blues on Nov 17, 2010 8:19 AM CST up reply actions
I also miss the commercials for Phone Power.
“Use Phone Power… AND BE HEARD!”
I also miss staying up to watch amazingly-uncensored episodes of Bizarre and Benny Hill, then following that up with four hours of the Three Stooges…
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 17, 2010 2:26 PM CST up reply actions
This can't be rec'd enough.
St. Louis Game Time . . . I need another beer.
And I can also write things in 140 characters or fewer.
Thanks!
I’m also tempted to submit my idea for the Jr. Blues new mascot contest. Anyone can have a pantsless rat, angry raccoon on steroids or the like. Not too many mascots, though, can reflect the makeup of the workers of the city of Springfield properly.
Until now.
I present to you… The Bluereaucrat! Normally ensconced in the Department of Hockey Services, the state worker known only as the Bluereaucrat shows up to remind everyone that there are certain ever-evolving rules to be followed at Jr. Blues games:
No Goals Without a Permit
Jersey Fouls Will Be Subject to Fines
Hit the Appropriate Targets In The Restrooms
Fans Don’t Cut In Line at the Beer Tent
Say No To Puck Bunnies
Your Costume Must Be Properly Creepy To Be A Mascot.
You know, stuff like that.
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 16, 2010 4:21 PM CST reply actions
You should definitely submit that...
The idea of a bureaucratic doofus stumbling around Springfield perfectly captures the spirit of the city. :-D
"If we do not prepare for ourselves the role of the hammer, there will be nothing left but that of the anvil."
-- Otto von Bismarck, 1851
http://futurenotes.blogspot.com
by Tomorrows Blues on Nov 17, 2010 8:20 AM CST up reply actions
There's only one problem
The balding guy with glasses look affects not just state bureaucrats, but also Davis Payne and his clone/ brother Dan Bylsma. Having a guy run around in a mascot costume with a giant Davis Payne head would be awesome, though.
And there’s no way you could get away with making them look like any of the elected government officials.
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 17, 2010 2:09 PM CST up reply actions
so what the hell is a PP goal from Boyes like?
Finding Atlantis??
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.
It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all. Laura Ingalls Wilder
The Hockey Gods definitely
took the gem out of my doughnut the past week.

Just a chew toy for the hockey gods
C'mon, its the Blues
You didn’t think this was gonna be easy did you?
It doesn’t matter how good a team they have, how well they play. They are gonna break all of our hearts. I’ve had mine broken 40 times now (I missed the first 2 seasons) and I’m resigned to it.
But please, hockey gods, the baseball gods finally let the Red Sox off the hook. Do you think you could do it for the Blues? Just once before I die? I’m praying here…
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. But that's the way to bet. - Damon Runyon
It's a double rainbow conspiracy I tell ya...
All the sports gods get together over a couple of suds and donuts and discuss who they’re gonna fuck over….
PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
True.
“Pokecheckticus! Shall we give the Blues a Cup this year?”
“Nay, Trappus Blockus, son of Gearfunkus! While there are teams in major markets yet un-Cupped there shall be no love for the Blues!”
“Wait. You consider Detroit a major market, Pokecheckticus?”
“There’s nothing wrong with Detroit!”
“Have you been outside the Wings’ stadium?”
“It would be the epitome of foolishness to do so! After Onsidus Kickus got shot at the liquor store near Ford Field, the Football Gods made them go 0 and 16!”
“Well, football gods are a bunch of pussies. It was only a 9mm, Pokecheckticus.”
“Still, I would rather not get shot, Trappus Blockus. Not even the Hockey Gods would risk the ire of armed Wings fans. Those people are crazy. We dare not risk such tomfoolery!”
“How about the Kings?”
“Done!”
“Now, let us go piddle on the remains of the St. Louis Arena, friend Pokecheckticus! And after that, we’ll fill Sidney Crosby’s dreams with naked images of Alexander Ovechkin!”
“How does this differ from normal, friend Trappus Blockus?”
Exeunt the Hockey Gods, laughing
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 17, 2010 2:23 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
Once again... brilliant post...
Rec’d like the “free Honda Civic to one luck fan in detroit promotion.”
BTW, have we met IRL?
PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
Nope. Probably not.
I don’t get down to the St. Louis area very often, maybe once every couple of years.
by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 18, 2010 12:10 PM CST up reply actions
Hildy
I have an idea for the next Tuesday post if you wouldn’t mind me taking it. I can email you with the details or something, just to make sure that it hasn’t been done before. Just let me know.
Barret Jackman is my hero.
Fueled. These new shores burn. Shadow, my sweet shadow, to you I look no more.

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