11. Viva El Birdos staff thought I said the word "fuck" too much . . . Game Timers: impressed

10. There can never be enough pasty white people on a writing staff

9. Site needs more 1990's music references

8. Leaders of the site and staff figured I needed something to do on the six nights I'm not bowling

7. Apparently one Macoupin County native wasn't enough

6. Staff needed one more person whose job was boring enough to waste time here

5. The new guy always brings the donuts to staff meetings . . . hey, WAIT JUST ONE DAMN MINUTE!

4. More sentences involving terms such as "Douchetastic Fuckweasel" and "Assburger Shithead" were needed in actual articles rather than in a mess of Game Day Threads

3. Staff needed someone who dislikes the Blackhawks more than they dislike the Red Wings . . . you know, to balance things out

2. Two words: Blackmail.  Photos.

1. Well, obviously SOMEONE was drunk . . . .