One Act Theater: Dave Checketts needs some money

Checketts_mediumWell now that Towerbrook is pulling out, it looks like we need some money. I guess it's time to call some of my friends.

8425900451press1114200711222pm_mediumHullie here ... who the fuck is this?

Checketts_medium Oh ... umm hello Brett. It's Dave Checketts.

8425900451press1114200711222pm_medium Who?

D_1_mediumDave Checketts. I own the Blues. We have had two nights to honor you. We retired your number and are building a statue for you.

 

8425900451press1114200711222pm_medium Oh yeah. What's up?

Modano-mike_mediumHullie, it's your shot.

D_1_medium Is this is a bad time, Brett?

Hull_brett240_mediumNo. I'm doing some work. I take my roll as Executive Vice President of the Dallas Stars very seriously. We're working on some strategies to get back the playoffs.

Modano-mike_medium Hullie, you gonna putt or not?

Checketts_medium Look Brett, I'll be blunt. I need money. I know you toyed with the idea of owning the Stars, why don't you send some of that money to St. Louis.

8425900451press1114200711222pm_medium You know Don ...

D_1_medium It's Dave.

8425900451press1114200711222pm_medium Right, whatever. I'm going to have to decline. I like Dallas too much. I couldn't leave and uproot my family.

D_1_medium We'll make your statue twice the size of Federko's.

8425900451press1114200711222pm_medium Maybe. Get back to me in a few. I gotta finish this hole ... I mean I gotta finish the meeting.

Checketts_mediumLet's see who else I can call.

 Wayne-gretzky_mediumHello?

Checketts_medium Wayne? Dave Checketts.

Wayne_gretzky3_mediumWho?

D_1_medium Dave Checketts.

Wayne_gretzky3_medium...

D_1_medium I own the Blues. We worked together in New York.

Wayne-gretzky_medium Oh yeah. What's up, Dave?

Checketts_mediumI know you're probably used to hearing this after working in Phoenix, but the Blues need some money.

P1_gretzky_mediumOh geez. Dave, I'm sorry but I'm not looking to get into the ownership game again ...

D_1_medium Not even with Hull and Modano in Dallas?

P1_gretzky_medium Uhhh ...

D_1_medium Listen Wayne, after you handed the puck to Steve Yzerman, you bailed on the Blues. You gave him the puck and cost the Blues a chance at the Cup and then left for New York. You made future internet-writers who bought ugly posters and ugly shirts of you in an ugly jeresy cry. You owe him. And St. Louis.

P1_gretzky_medium Listen Dave, I gotta go. Sorry I can't help.

D_1_medium Mario was better.

P1_gretzky_medium Bye Dave.

Checketts_medium Let's see who else can I call ...

A7e7303faefa5d6a9156ab05618a6741_mediumYou've got Eddie the Eagle.

Checketts_medium Ed? Hey, Dave Checketts with the St. Louis Blues.

A7e7303faefa5d6a9156ab05618a6741_mediumI don't work for you anymore.

Checketts_mediumI know. Listen, I need some money and I did a google search for you and found something from a few years back you and a billion dollars. I didn't read it all, but it said you offered some folks a billion dollars, so you have to have some left to offer the Blues. We'd love to have you back in the organization.

A7e7303faefa5d6a9156ab05618a6741_medium About that — I was drunk.

Checketts_mediumWe all have our demons, Ed.

A7e7303faefa5d6a9156ab05618a6741_medium No I was dru — you know what, never mind. No.

D_1_medium Fine. Thanks for nothing. Quitter.

Pleau_larry250_mediumMr. Checketts you have a phone call.

Checketts_medium Hello?

 

Walmart_facebook_5b1_5d_mediumDave? It's Bill Laurie. I couldn't help but notice you guys needed some money.

Checketts_medium Would you like to invest?

Walmart_facebook_5b1_5d_medium Oh heavens no. I was just going to offer some advice. If you're going to sell the franchise, you've got some work to do. You need to trade Erik Johnson and that Oshie kid. Strip the team of any value, and the team will sell. Trust me, I duped some moron from Utah a few years back by doing the same thing ...

D_1_medium Uhh Bill, that was me.

Walmart_facebook_5b1_5d_medium Oh wow ... I gotta go. Remember, no marketable talent makes a team attractive to buyers.

D_1_medium Jerk.

*End scene.*

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