An Open Letter To The Hockey Gods Regarding The Blackhawks

Whatever happens, it will be omitted from my personal history books.

Trying to sell myself on a “Win Ian Laperierre the Cup” campaign, the way ESPN hijacked the 2001 playoffs for a two-month long “Win Ray the Cup” commercial.

Are the bandwagon fans who claim to not be. They talk about how they were fans in the 90s and toss out names like Roenick and Belfour, but then say they stopped following a few years back, not because the team sucked, but because the owner was so bad.

Basically, the going got tough and these “fans” jumped ship. Now that things are good, but they’re back on board. Fuck that. If you wanna celebrate the good, you have to stick with the bad. The thought of seeing these assclowns celebrate a Cup win makes me sick.

Hockey gods can be cruel spiteful deities
They twist fate for shits ’n giggles
Hopefully Hossa losing in the SCF for a 3rd straight year will be their greatest amusement

…I’m rooting for the ‘Hawks. Maybe it’s my Illinois-ness (despite many Chicagoans not recognizing our region as ‘Illinois’) or maybe it’s that I have some friends who are legitimate hockey fans that root for the Blackhawks, but I’m pulling for them.

In a perfect world, both Kane and Hossa will be ineffective and they’ll when in spite of them. Chicago really has some players that are easy to root for though and, hand to my heart, I’ll be rooting for them.

/Commence death threats and questionsof my fandom/manhood…

I do not want to go back to Mizzou for my senior year and be surrounded by idiots who won’t shut up about hockey now but openly mocked it three years ago, think Eric Daze was an ’80s pop singer and also root for that baseball team on the North Side.

So…gulp Go Flyers. Even though you have Cheaty Chris Pronger, and unfrozen ’70s porn star Dan Carcillo.

Fuck Chicago.

http://www.goatlocker.org/sound/GENQUTR.WAV

Dig out any amulets you have. Lucky rabbit’s feet and 4 leaf clovers too.

If you know any bhuddist monks or shaman you need to get them on board here and signed up.

Do whatever you have to we need all hands on deck to stop the Blackhawks.

Holy crap fellas.

I hate the Blues as any self-respecting Hawks fan would, but I’d be rooting for you ahead of the fucking Flyers, for God’s sake. Carcillo and Briere are the only players in the game to have been called for diving on nights they don’t even play. Pronger and Hartnell? Watch your back, and your knees. And Philadelphia fans in general!!!???

I can semi-understand the Hossa hate, but how is it ‘ditching your team’ when you’re a UFA? I’ll give you Kane—that hatred is easy. And attendance? I seem to remember some pretty lean years in St Louis, no? And by some I mean many.

I’m not here to cause a commotion … but Philly? Wow.

We just got linked on the front page. Imma go put out the good silverware.

btw, will you guys be talking a lot of the games during the Finals? i might swing by and join you, since i’m hopping on the flyers bandwagon.

I wish good luck to both.

I live outside Allentown, PA now and all my rec-league, non-check teammates are Flyer fans. I’ll be happy for them [and Prongs] if the Flyers win — just like I was for my brothers and my football-loving friends that dropped big $$ on the Rams, a team for which I have no emotional connection, when they won the SuperBowl.

Frankly, I have a hard time maintaining my hate for the Hawks. I like Pat Kane for no other reason than he turns out for the Red, White & Blue whenever USA Hockey calls. I like Cpt Serious — he’s a college friend of Oshie’s. I don’t like Quenneville — I love him! He gave everything to the Blues and when he left, it was because he no more to give.

I just hope it’s an entertaining and long series.

Remember, the Hawks sucked hard for a long time to assemble their team [hard enough to get the #1 (Kane) and #3 (Toews) overall picks in consecutive years] and it’s no fun playing them 10 times a year when they’re no good.

BTW, you Hawks trolls please keep coming to our board and to St. Louis for the games. Go out to dinner, stay the night and wear your red the whole time. Just don’t be surprised if the natives take offense if you disrespect our anthem. Do whatever you please at the Utd Center, but don’t make noise during our anthem unless you want a fight on your hands, in which case you will be obliged by your kind hosts.

I actually am rooting for the meteor. Sorry. There are guys I like on both teams, and things I respect about both teams’ play, but I don’t care for either organization as a whole.

Chicago, well, the hate’s bred in. It’s not even a hate, it’s more of a contemptive dislike because I know I’m supposed to. Detroit? That’s hatred – and something I think fans of the Hawks and Blues can agree with.

Rivalries are fun, and I promise, we’re just poking at the Hawks fans, so please be like the cool people who follow your team and get a sense of humor. Bandwagon fan + holier than thou attitude = Detroit Fan. And that’s regardless of what team you root for. Bandwagon Blues fans piss me off, too, and honestly – I’d rather not have the bandwagoners there than sell a seat to someone who won’t get off their phone and who won’t pay attention to the game. I know business wise that’s counter-productive, but there is nothing worse than sitting to some drunk ass screaming into his iPhone and taking shitty photos the entire game to show his buddies how awesome his seats are.

I’m a bit of a hockey snob when it comes to the teams I support. It’s a hard line to walk between “God, I wish people’d come to the games” and “God, I wish that guy in the suit would STFU.” Even at Thrashers games, where the average attendance is about 10K – and that’s probably fluffed – I’d rather there be less fans who care and who are loud than a bunch of asses in the seats who could care less if anything happens on the ice. The guys who play down here always comment how great the fans are because they’re loud and they care – it’s never about numbers, or “gee I wish people’d come” or anything like that.

In conclusion – loosen the hell up, guys. You’re in the SCF. Good on you. But remember, the Blues’ve been just as good if not better than you guys in the past, have swept you in the playoffs before, and won the Stanley Cup same amount of times as you have in 6 fewer years.

Frankly, all it takes is for the East to stop padding everyone in the West’s point totals, and the Blues would have made the playoffs this year, and probably will next year. We’ll do this without having to worry about cap hell because our GM and assistant GM knew what they were doing when it came to signing people to contracts – and know how to get them to folks on time (and yes, I know the irony of that b/c your assistant GM is now Atlanta’s new GM, but aside from his ability to scout talent, I have doubts on his ability to pay said talent the correct amount).

We’ve always been open to fans stopping buy and taking a dump in the comments. We actually find it kind of funny, especially when it’s humorless Red Wings fans who don’t get that we’re laughing at them when they don’t realize they’ve probably been baited.

Thanks.
The Management.

It’s simple, really.

We just hate you.

I actually like the Blues, simply for Oshie. I went to North Dakota, and just love the way the kid plays. I also gained a huge amount of respect for Erik Johnson during the Olympics (even though he is a goddam Gopher).

I want the Blues to be successful, because this rivalry is fun (unlike the Detroit one, which is just raw hate), and I actually like to visit St. Louis. I would never in my right mind stay in Detroit. It’s just a waystation to the heaven that is Windsor, Ontario.

Also, I am a defacto Cardinals fan due to my White Sox fanaticism.

In conclusion: Please let your team suck less next year. All this winning is getting kinda boring.

Yeah, you knew I was gonna trot this photo out in this thread… :D

B.