More fun than Thankful Thursdays, it's F-You Friday.

Prospect Mom’s out of the hospital, and fifty years ago today, she and Prospect Dad were joined in holy matrimony at St. Michael’s Catholic Church on Main Street in beautiful Staunton, Illinois by the late Father Henehan.

13 months later, they had their first little prospect… that would be me.

So I guess I’ll say “fan ta you” to anyone who doesn’t wish them all the best today… after fifty years together, with all the shit they’ve gone through together, they’ve earned it.

(I hear ya on the squashing your own balls thing, though, Boss…)

B.

is the general “Fuck Detroit” and “Fuck Chicago”. The gods of karma gave me a pretty decent couple of days after last week’s bloody shitshow. ah hell, i’ll just say it – i got laid and i feel a lot better. i would say “Fuck you nuvaring for catching me off guard and weirding me out a bit” but, better safe than sorry i suppose. that and i’m not old enough to sit on my own testicles yet, so i guess there’s that.

1. Fill out taxes and send in.

Thundercunts at IRS (paraphrased): “Please resubmit the HUD 1 form that was in your original package. We’re sure that is was here once, but probably got lost in Jim from payroll’s impromptu run at most pieces of paper simeutaneously inserted into a human rectum record. After you submit it again, we might let you know something in 6-8 weeks.”

2. Contact Title company to reacquire form that I lost due to chronic drinking after getting home after 3rd periord collapses at the DrinkScotch.

Twatwaffles at the IRS (paraphrased): “We are still reviewing your shit. Apparently our annual A2M party gave several of us pink eye. Difficult to read forms while your eyes are watering/pussing/etc. We’ll let you in 45 or so days if there is something else you need to do.”

Souless children raping eunuchs at the IRS (paraphrased): “Hahaha fuck you. Still no first time homebuyer credit. Hahaha. Please prove you live in your house.”

Fuck you, you fucking testicle shitting rectal warts. I have to prove to you that I live in the house that you are currently taxing the bejesus out of me in? It is now likely the gov’t has spent more than 8 grand figuring out whether or not I deserve my 8 grand fist time homebuyer credit.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Where’s the bourbon?

Since the GF and I bought the house in October its been nothing but trouble…..

We opened our pool in May and discovered that the timer didnt work….so the pool guy rewired the pump and filter to run directly off the breaker…and the timer isnt covered by our home warranty…which we payed an extra 150 bucks to cover the pool when we bought the house…..

We used part of the first time home buyers credit to ut a new jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom 2 months ago…..While they put the tub in we used the basement bathroom shower….IT LEAKED…..so we wound up with water damage in the basement that had to be cut out and cleaned which it was less than our deductable but still expensive…..

And ow the other day we discovered the pool is leaking……at first we hoped it was just a tear in the liner, after all it can be patched. Well nope….As of this morning it appears theres a crack in the plumbing from the pump to the bottom inline to the fliter which means theres gonna be some digging involved……..more money out the wazzo…….

all the big stuff coupled with the smaller stuff….a need here a need there……I feel like were eyeball deep in debt and President Fuckwad just gave his staff a %20 raise……..

I almost hate this fucking country now………..

Trying to clean my apartment is sending dust and all sorts of shit in the air, and since I ran out of allergy meds a couple weeks ago, my nose feels like a waterfall. I’ve got a show tonight, I can’t be doing this right now.

Fuck you, late night boredom. The other day, I went to Wal*Mart at 12:30 and ALMOST bought 200 feet of bubblewrap – it would’ve only been $15!

Fuck you, chairs! My computer folding chair broke this week. I’m sitting on the floor reaching up to my keyboard fucking up my back. Sorry, back.

Fuck you, American League! Real Baseball finally wins! Woot!

bears who guard the wild blackberries in the local mtns. I want some too ya fucking hoarders. I’m too old to be dancing around in the brambles with you fucks, you take the picnic baskets and leave me some berries dammit.

FUCK YOU religious jackwagons who bomb innocent civilians. There’s a special little room for your kind in hell.

FUCK YOU rude dumbfuck family at the local amphitheater. Right when the show starts IS NOT the fucking time to drag the whole clan of 20 through the aisle to go get something to eat. FUCK you too for lipping off to the older gentleman who advised you of what a dumbfuck you were, the dog pile would have been epic if you had made a move. Them fucking seniors all come equipped with canes to beat you like a rented mule.

FUCK cable TV. I pay over a hunnert dollars a month and can’t find one god damn 3 Stooges slot on any channel.

FUCK people who are on their deathbed who insist on dragging their sick azz into restaurants. You really think I want to listen to you cough up a lung while I eat? Stay the fuck home when you’re a phlegm factory. Or at least go into the bathroom to give birth to that gigantor hairball you’re trying to hawk up.

FUCK the Blackhawks, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits and crotch.

Ahhh, much better

First, you show about half the Blues games last year, and there was no way of telling which ones would be on and which would be blacked out until I turned on the TV to either glorious hockey or poker. Seriously? Poker? Now, pokers not a bad game but poker is not an equivalent to hockey. In any country. Ever. But I got over it, watched to other games online in worse quality, and lived. But now…

Why are you moving the channels around? What the fuck? First, they move Comedy Central and the Food Network. Food Network I don’t really care about but Comedy Central is a watchable channel. So I lived minus 1 channel for a couple days before they put up a message on the old channel 54 that CC has moved to 73 and FN is somewhere else. OK fine. All the channels are back but now they are inconveniently not where I remember them being. But now, they have taken Discovery and replaced it with the Travel Channel. So I check the old TC and its just static. Not even a message saying something moved. Theres also like 5 other channels in the lower 50s gone but none that I watched. So I decided to flip through all the channels last night to try and find it. Nothing. I did find that there are like 5 shopping channels, 3 weather channels, 2 (Two?!?! WTF!!) Lifetimes, and no Discovery. And motherfucking Shark Week is coming up. If I don’t have Discovery by then, well then fuck.

F-YOU Missouri Dept of Revenue. Really? A fine for late payment more than the initial amount? I payed $36 dollars 7 weeks late and now owe you $70.90??? …and you wonder why the masses hate you.

F-YOU Anthem Health Insurance premiums. It’s bad enough I have to pay your extortion fueled by terrorism, but your computers won’t let my bank pay by computer? You’re stealing money from me and have to make it harder for me to get it to you??? FUCK YOU!!!

F-YOU doxycylin. Thanks for making it potentially possible for me to keep my toe, but why does my sweat smell funny, my over all sense of being feel funny and I can’t drink? I can go days without drinking and not notice, but make me feel odd and tell me I can’t drink and I want to freaking jump off a building with an empty whiskey glass! Piss off!

F-YOU Yankees. I don’t care as much for baseball as I do for HOCKEY, but they lost a couple iconic figures in their organization this past week. They could potentially do what the Cardinals failed to do the year DK and Mr Buck passed. Terrorize their division and make noise in the post season. Our boys don’t seem to get the respect they deserve and it makes me want to punch a nun. (not literally)

F-YOU dumb luck. I bought a piece of equipment a couple years ago and didn’t end up needing it right away. I kept it for various reasons. Got it out of the box for the first time last week and it didn’t work at all!!!! I have payed for this, in full and it is completely useless.
(I will be contacting the manufacturer with this tale. We’ll see if it does any good.)

F-YOU basketball. You would be so much better if you were HOCKEY.
…and I’m saying this in their off season)

…and the obligatory FUCK YOU to Detroit, Kovy, corporate greed and the idiots that pissed on all of you guys.

Have a fantastic weekend!

…always funny…always

so…Fuck Detroit
Fuck Chicago
and Fuck yo’ couch

we get it steinbrennar died, lebrons in miami, yankees are amazing.Tired of hearing about this shit.

Fuck you hockey season for not being here yet

Fuck you facebook. People sending me messages to log onto a porn site. I HAVE A PRIVATE PROFILE FOR A REASON!!

Fuck you Missouri Baptist. How are you billing me for classes? I didn’t even sign up for anything this semester and you’re trying to tell me I owe you for classes? Thats a stupid thing to do and you’re stupid for doing it.

Fuck you chicago. Although I do applaud you for giving us all the comedy we can need for the summer and more, I still hate you. You guys are the bane of my hockey existence. Anything I do hockeywise, its to disprove you.

And finally, fuck Detroit. Why? Because I can.

that the balls are sagging and getting in the way.
Hmmm, at least as my boobs sag it’s easier to sleep on my stomach.
Thanks for making me find the good in things sagging.

Shit has hit the fan this week.

… so my “Suck it, Saturday!” comment has to go with this fucking AP European history training class I have to take next week. I get to be taught how to teach something I already know how to! Wee. Thank God it’s at the “rich” high school in the county. We get breakfast and lunch every day to smooth the pain of the end of summer vacation, along with a water bottle and a flash drive so we don’t waste plastic H2O bottles and paper. Exciting (though I am glad that some school FINALLY caught on to how much paper is wasted at a workshop). I have to admit I’m happy about the classroom resources I’m getting, but I’d be happier if I could continue sitting on my ass at home reading and watching movies and not doing jack or shit.

I don’t like the end of summer vacation. At all.