All together now, it's F-You Friday!

Why does the day I pick to cart most of my shit to St. Charles have a projected temperature of 90,000 degrees. Just what I want — lifting heavy shit and moving it around in the middle of summer. I’d drink plenty of Juan’s friend, beer, but I don’t think that will help until after the moving is done.

So I am a Kevin Smith of Clerks fame fan. I know he’s done some crap movies and he’s probably his own biggest fan and he’s a little much some times. But Dogma and Clerks and Chasing Amy and maybe even Mallrats are great movies. They came out right when I was the right age to appreciate it.

And he loves hockey. He loves the Devils. That’s fine, he’s Jersey. They played hockey on the roof of the convenience store in Clerks. A guy was wearing a Devils sweater. It’s cool. He’s keepin’ it real. Dawg. And he does things like encourages people to sign up for Gretzky’s charity street hockey tournament. And he wears hockey sweaters to movie premiers. That’s all cool with me.

And now even better, he’s making a hockey movie! In Detroit!

Fuck the heck? There’s a link on Puck Daddy this afternoon that basically says the movie is based on a Warren Zevon song written by…Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press. And when Smith wanted to make the movie based on the song, Albom wanted to meet him in person. Albom had two requests:

1. Don’t make fun of the game.

2. Film it in Murder City. “Because they could use the help.”

Smith’s response….it made me shake my head. “That’s Hockeytown.” And he agreed to it. Now Smith did make a joke that life ended in the 70s there and they don’t have to decorate the set much when doing period stuff from the 70s, but still…

“That’s Hockeytown.”

Fuck you, Silent Bob.

You just struck out on a bad pitch, but Soto dropped the ball and you just started sulking back to the dugout as if you didn’t give a shit. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you can make it first base when that happens, Mr. $18.1 million! (Also, the last time Holliday was Friday Fucked on Game Time, he started going on a tear – lets hope that happens again).

Keeping with the Redbirds, fuck you, Tyler Greene! Today it looks like you’ve never played shortstop in your life! Okay, enough Cardinals fucking.

Fuck you, Karaoke Guy! I was at a local drinking establishment this week on Karaoke Night, when this really cute redhead (the spitting image of a young Julianne Moore) started chatting me up, making fun of a weird guy singing, then suggested we sing together. But when we tried to turn our sheet in, the guy told us he had to quit to pack up the equipment – a full half-hour before closing time! Then he proceeded to not pack shit up! Then the friends I went with left before I could procure a phone number or really anything other than a first name. Thanks Karaoke Guy for contributing to the combined cockblock. I really needed that one, you have no idea.

Stellar’s Jays. You’re the most annoying sounding bird and you’re thieving of my plums and strawberries has doomed your existence.

F you court bailiff. How was I to know that asking you repeatedly “who’s frying the baloney” wasn’t going to work on getting out of jury duty.

F you leaf blower guy. You wanna jump out into the busy road blowing leaves well then we’ll play race pylon with you. Your family can bury you in your bright orange SAFETY vest ya dumb fuck.

F you line cutters at Baskin Robins. If you think you’re cutting me off after I’ve been eyeballing a scoop of Baseball Nut and Mint Chocolate Chip you’re fucking nuts. Back o the line beyotch and take that snot covered ugly azz kid with you.

F you gasoline. Why can’t you have a shelf life more than 2 months? Why do I have to remember to add Stabil to every fucking can or pay the penalty of carburetor tear down. And as long as I’m on gasoline why can’t small engines just run off pure gasoline, why the 2 stroke mix shit so I grab the wrong can and pour the WRONG fuel into my lawnmower, turning it into a mosquito sprayer?

F you BP since you’re in the oil/gas bidness and you’re collateral damage.

F you the other BP (blood pressure) I gotta stop now lest I stroke out.

Fuck you, 16-year-old me. Shoulda just gotten your license while you had the chance. 21 is not the time to be relearning how to drive (though it is much easier the second time around)

Fuck you, SLU, and that bill you just sent me. I don’t even want to be there most of the time, so why am I paying so much? Okay, I know why, but still… this sucks.

Finally
Fuck you, cancer. You know what you did…

Seconding the Fuck You to BP, especially now that it appears that they orchestrated the release of the guy who bombed the Pan Am flight over Scotland so they could win some drilling concessions in Libya.

Fuck You, anyone or anything related to the Chicago Cubs.

Fuck You, men’s dress shirt makers. All I want is a good, subtly colored (because it’s recommended for people on TV to not wear white all the time, since it’s like a reflector of light onto your face), slim fit shirt at a decent price. Everything I found at the mall that I could afford was either weirdly striped, too bright, in “liquid cotton” which is all weird and slick, or some combination of the three. And when I finally found one I liked, it was at Banana Republic and thus $80.

And a special “Reverse Fuck You” to the Blues team store, for enabling my favorite non-Pappy’s Barbecue purchase of the day.
The guy at the store said they just got them in the other day and already they’re placing extra orders.

Fuck You Bettman. Fuck you for attempting to stop something that is completely legal and re-opening the whole shitshow that was the Ilya Kovalchuk saga.

Fuck you Bettman for putting your foot down when the Devils do something, but allow teams full of douches like Philadelphia to the same on multiple occasions (and let them actually cheat the cap).

Fuck you Bettman for making everyone think you’re only doing this because the Devils OWN the Penguins. I’ve heard “Conspiracy against the Devils!” too many times already, when everyone knows it’s just your sheer incompetence.

Fuck you Bettman for putting your foot down at the wrong time, and coincidentally, up your own mouth because the only thing you have is…. NOTHING.

Fuck you Bettman for refusing to admit you suck at your job. At least Brian Rolston knows he’s a liability. You’re just as bad at doing your job as Vesa Toskala is.

Oh, and for completion’s sake, Fuck the Rangers, Flyers and Detroit.

And Bettman again.

You keep catching up with the ones I love WAY too Goddamned early, and it’s starting to piss me off.

First off…

FUCK YOU LANDLORD GUY WHO RENTED THE APARTMENT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT ON OUT FROM UNDER ME!!!!

Fuck you Maxwell for be a douche all week and taking it out on me…

Fuck you July for being a horrible month and therefore causing said fights with Maxwell.

Fuck you Chicago for being so damn expensive to live in.

Fuck you Money for being to little off…

Fuck you Boss man for talking me into NOT quitting!!! AHHHH

Fuck you Blackhawks Fuck You Detroit and for the the fuck of it… Fuck you Gary Bettman and your hobbit ass!

wordz……..

fuck you chicago cubs

FUCK YOU Swedish news show I just saw two minutes ago. In a segment about a Swedish ref who’ll be working in the NHL next year, they talked about the “tough” NHL. ALL the footage of this so-called toughness was of Red Wings players delivering hits. Pissed me off real good. They should have shown the clip of Big Country Walker man-handling Franzén instead. That’s tough, assholes. No one seems to remember how we fucking destroyed Detroit in two straight games over here last year. Fuckers.

Also, fuck the spelling-checker on my iPhone. Fucking took me fifteen minutes to write this.

Day late on this, but still… this is just ignorant. My rear window regulator broke on my Liberty – 4th time that’s happened between the two windows. One I got replaced for $100 under warranty, one I had to plunk down $350 for, and when that one broke within 9 months I got it fixed for free. Like hell I’m paying to have it done again, right? So, I e-mail Jeep’s customer service department with a complaint because I couldn’t find their phone number probably like a week and a half, two weeks ago, asking if there’s a recall and implying that I’d appreciate it if they’d pay to fix this. In the meantime, I’m holding my window up with Duct Tape for cars and having to replace it every day because the 1000 degree heat keeps melting the glue. Oh, and it’s rained about 10 times in the past two weeks – torrential downpours.

I finally get to talk to a customer service guy on Thursday, who tells me to take it down to the “nearest” dealership, and they’ll run diagnostics on the window. Jeep’ll then call the dealership Monday to verify my claim (because I’d pull this out of my ass) and then send me a claim number to have it fixed. I drive aaaaall the way down to the dealership, pull into service, and the guy at the desk gets in, tries to roll it up, and goes “Yep, the regulator’s broken. Sorry they made you drive all the way down here for that.”

All this done and I had to wake up at 7:40 on a Saturday to accomplish it. THANK YOU, Jeep. I was going to have Comcast come out here and overcharge me for cable TV Saturday, but now I need to cancel just in case, for some weird reason, Jeep decides to call me back before then so I can go and get my window fixed.

If someone steals my radar detector out of my Jeep I might tack that onto the bill.

Fuck you work. Too busy or too slow? Can’t there just be ‘work’?
Fuck you allergies. Just fuck you! I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Fuck you not drinking on antibiotics. I’m happy to be alive and not lose a toe, but I had no idea how rough not having a whiskey for five weeks would be.
Fuck you ‘american lagers’. You’re just hang overs in a bottle. I’m an ale or whiskey guy.
Fuck you Bettman. I know I say this with too great a regularity, but this dick squirt is really fucking up our league and our sport!!!!
Fuck you Kovy. Just fuck you.
Fuck you Devils fans that are crying about ‘this is only happening because it’s the Devils’.
You’ve more than got over on more than one player and more than one team. Great players and great seasons in your past? I don’t feel sorry for you. Try following the BLUES for their and your entire existence. Get back to me on that ‘league picking on you’ thing, then. To lose Nedved to the Rangers for talking to Keenan?? Seriously?
Fuck you players going back and forth to the KHL. You cut your teeth and learn about pro sports in the US and then take what you learned back home without regard to the team that trained you? I understand patriotic loyalty, but still… Weak.
Fuck you stuff I have. I seem to own possessions that aren’t useful to me and people want them, but want to take them from me with no compensation.
Fuck you yard work. I’m happy and grateful to have a house and home, but I am so sick of yard work. I’m not good at it and don’t enjoy it. Fuck you!

…especially this part.

Fuck you Devils fans that are crying about ‘this is only happening because it’s the Devils’. You’ve more than got over on more than one player and more than one team. Great players and great seasons in your past? I don’t feel sorry for you. Try following the BLUES for their and your entire existence. Get back to me on that ‘league picking on you’ thing, then. To lose Nedved to the Rangers for talking to Keenan?? Seriously?

B.