Condo For Sale

This lovely condo is available immediately! Friends and alcohol included free (professional athletes only)!

Available now, motivated seller, fabulous condominium in non-exclusive area of semi-unicorporated St. Charles County! Lots of amenities included as standard. On top of a great condo surrounded by fun neighbors who love to hang out with and do all manner of errands and favors for the new owner (provided that new owner is a professional hockey player. Or baseball player - that would probably work too), this sometimes-gated community is a perfect location for any professional athlete one!

  • Carpet "signed" by Blues stars Cam Janssen, David Perron and D.J. King.
  • Shared pool apparently "makeable" from condo balcony.
  • Perfect for "crackin' parties" and other social events.
  • New-urban decorating includes "industrial" look including fist-sized holes in several walls, hilarious graffiti-covered dining room and communist-bloc level plumbing.
  • Bathroom toilets have been upgraded to industrial strength!
  • Keg-er-ator stays with the unit; porn stash negotiable.
  • Over 85% of window panes remain unbroken!
  • All appliances remain with unit, including refrigerator and "the experiment" in the Crisper Drawer.
  • Plenty of undamaged hardwood!
  • Bonus room easily accommodates spray-painted foosball table, beer pong table and Blues jersey-wearing dog.
  • Second bedroom "puck-bunny approved."
  • Purple, feathered pimp hat stays with unit; serious inquiries only please.
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