This Is Your A-1, B-Vitamin Deficient, C-Ring Cleared, D-List Angering, E-Ron Approved F-You Friday.
by gallagher on Jul 30, 2010 1:00 PM CDT
36 comments
I hate to say that I'm a negative person, but the fact of the matter is this: Even when I have a great week, it's still all the little bullshit that pissed me off that I focus on. So, whatever the word is for that is what I am, I guess. Though I'm sure that word isn't negative. It's probably something like megamonstropolous or something. Or like awesome. Or whatever.
1. Fuck you Legos. Walking through the basement this week I managed to bury a tiny, claw-shaped lego piece so far into my heel that I think it dented my bone. And sure, I could be mad at my kid for leaving that shiv-like piece on the floor, but that's not the point. In my Legos days the pieces were big,chunky, garishly-colored and obvious pieces. If you managed to be blind enough to not see those things, it was kind of your own fault for stepping on them. Plus, if you did step on one, it might hurt, but it didn't bring grown men to near-tears, Barbie shoe style.
No, I blame you, Legos, for going way, way over the top on how intricate and cool and versatile and creative your pieces are now. Your fucking razor-sharp, invisible to the eye, bone-splintering pieces now are nothing more than mini landmines and a bane to my existence.
2. Fuck you reality television. You and your easy money can go fuck yourselves. You're going to try to pussify Bash Brother Kelly Chase by throwing enough cash at him to get him to partake in your ridiculous spectacle? Try your best to soil his toughguy image, Battle of the Blades? Impossible. I don't blame Chaser for doing it and going for the payday, I blame you for what I know is coming - Chase in a really embarrassing outfit doing some sort of ice tango. It's cringeworthy and I won't be a part of it. This is my Chase and always will be.
3. Fuuuuck you, EA Sports. It was bad enough that the NHL's Justin Bieber, Patrick Kane, was your coverboy last year on NHL 10, but following that up by putting the NHL's least interesting captain (apologies to Craig Rivet) in Jonathan "no, it's pronouced like if f-i-n-g-e-r-s was pronounced as 'finvers'" Toews on the cover this year is a terrible choice. In fact, it's almost as bad as deciding that one of this year's new "upgrades" is to include video review and disallowed goals.
So, you're going to "upgrade" gameplay by inserting the most boring, time-consuming aspects of the real game? Awesome choice, yo. Why not just include 70% more cut screen instead? Adding video review is almost as good as when Madden decided to add the ability to challenge calls and then make it so that your challenges were never overturned, even when fuckstick receivers caught balls with BOTH feet out of bounds.
Assholes.
4. Fuck you polical corrects. If Paul Bissonette's cancelled Twitter account can teach us anything it's that the need for people to make sure that no one says anything interesting at all outweighs our desperate need for comedy in this country. People freaked out and he got heat and eventually cancelled his account because he called a Russian player "comrade"? Please. If I got offended every time someone called me a "drunken Mick" I'd be fighting all the time rather than cashing in on free drinks at the bar. Wait, is that a stereotype too?
Meanwhile, you just know that it's some twitchy PR guy who caught wind of the whole Biz Nasty story who sent Erik Johnson a quick text to delete his tweets about his Vegas trip, his pictures from Vegas (including the one we still happen to have on file of him with Cuba Gooding Handsy Jr) and his Vegas-related tweets that may or may not have included fellow weekend Vegas-visitor Ms. Locke. (If I was @erikjohnson6 I think I would have DM'd her the appropriate info based on her twitpics... ask Icion for the directions if you're interested.)
Frankly, I wish these poor guys were allowed to just be themselves. It's a new world as far as information sharing goes, and these younger guys are way more keyed in to social media and the internet than the organizations they get paid by. They're used to sharing more personal information than the generation just older than them and everyone under the age of 30 gets it. It's all of us old fucks who are ruining it for everyone. We complain that athletes never say anything except for cliches, then when they do tell us something good they get roasted for the decision or they get a shitty phone call from some PR dick who tells them to delete everything interesting they've done over the last three days.
Let them be themselves. Let them tweet crazy photos. Let them call Russian dudes comrade (or call me a Mick).
Besides, pictures of homeless people are funny.
5. I don't want to speak for new Blues draftee Jaden Schwartz, but.... Try to read this story and NOT tell someone to go do something unspeakable.
1 recs |
36 comments
|
Email
Print
Comments
There is a special place
for people like Tedd Collins.
Fuck you Tedd Collins, I hope worse things happen to you than the unspeakable.
BTW, they fuck you at the drive thru. Fuck you too.
PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
Fuck you, ungodly heat and humidity.
I’ve never had a $200 electric bill before, but you decided that overnight lows in the mid-80s were perfectly acceptable for late spring and early summer. So instead of buying Starcraft 2, I’m giving all my money to fucking Ameren just to keep the AC on.
Fuck you AT&T and iPhone
although it’s really cool to be able to pretty much run the world from the iPhone, I can’t make or receive fucking phone calls for random hours here and there. What do I get for not being able to make phone calls on the iphone from AT&T??? An extra $30 a month tacked onto my bill each month for the privilege of having a phone that can’t function as a phone.
Fuck you Apple for putting out a new software update for the iPhone, which I put on my iPhone 3G. The software proceeded to make the phone so slow, now, along with not being able to make or receive calls at random hours here and there, it also takes 10-15 seconds to open an application that i use to run the world. Apparently, this software works great with 3GS and the new iPhone 4, but it doesn’t work for 3G really well. Thanks for telling me asshats; now I have to go to the Apple Store to get it fixed (or in their hopes, I buy a new updated iPhone). I got news, I’m not buying another iPhone.
Fuck you AT&T, Apple, and iphone….next year, when my contract is up, Sprint and Android will have a new customer.
dude
mine too. that software update is terrible. fuck off, apple. in the meantime, i tried this today and it helps: http://lifehacker.com/5599406/disable-spotlight-searches-to-improve-iphone-3g-performance-on-ios-4
Next in the Nate the Great mystery series: Nate the Great searches for a free-agent forward who doesn't blow dicks.
by NateTheGreat. on Jul 30, 2010 7:02 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Amazing
Excellent find Nate. I’ve been hating my iPhone ever since I upgraded due to the random lag. Like hockeyno93, I almost missed a call yesterday because the phone wouldn’t register me sliding my finger left to right in order to answer the call. After unchecking all the crap outlined in your link this thing is running close to or better than it was under iOS 3.1.3.
You sir get a Rec.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige
Fuck you, family!
I love you guys and see many of you much too seldom, but when ever we do get together everyone always gets all touchy about EVERYTHING! I’m still wondering why I got bitched at for not cleaning up my “mess” (read: two pepsi cans, a napkin, and a beer I was still working on) until I was down playing Monopoly in that spot! C’mon, chill the fuck out!
Fuck you, limited iPhone Internet! If it weren’t for you, I’d have a Halak jersey on the way by now.
Fuck you, Texas sun! Goddamn you’re hot!
Fuck you, cabin bunk bed with no sheets and one shitty, thin pillow! Oh, the sleep I’ve lost this week.
Fuck you, distant step cousin once removed, or whatever you are to me! You’re a convicted felon, a baby-daddy, and 14! And I thought the worst thing about my family was alcoholism and a few ’Hawks fans!
I know it's time for hockey because I've started singing "Don't Stop Believing" with the words "...born and raised in FUCK DETRIOT!!!"
by J-Mill on Jul 30, 2010 3:59 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
F you
gas stations with slow gas pumps. If your pumps dribble out like grandpa in the bathroom then you need to close the fuck down. Besides measuring the accuracy of the pumps County Weights and Measures should also have a flow test, you don’t pass they close your sorry slow azz down. I got better thangs to do then trying trying to mentally will a fuckin meter to move faster than than the slugs in my garden. Get rid of the one armed monkey hand pumping the shit a buy a real fucking pump.
F you hearing loss. The many years of gunfire and jet engines on the ramp have taken their toll. I thought the neighbors were slicing off a piece on the back patio last night. After about an 15 minutes I got up to watch out the back window when I realized all the groaning and squeaking was a bad spring in my recliner. FML. Is that the tea kettle or the house alarm going off now? Fuck!!!
F you arsonists. Yeah we see you working and it’s just a matter of time until someone calls you in. You seriously fuck up people’s ranches and homes just so you can spank your self in the excitement. Get professional help you sick fuckos.
F you illegal immigrants and your supporters. You’ve driven my city, county, state and now country into insolvency. You wanna work here get in fucking line and do it legal. F you to all the Mexican drug cartels also who are also invading my town and country and turning it into a free fire zone. Just like Pablo Escabar, you’re not gonna prevail.
F you clueless azzholes at the local amphitheater who insist on talking on their cellphones when the quiet part of the Celtic band song is playing. Cupping your hand over you loud pie hole does nothing to stifle your annoying yapping. Since glares don’t seem to work from those around you, tasers should be issued to every row to deal with your kind. There’s plenty of nice soft grass for the ushers to drag your azz off into while you recover.
Oh and the condition I think Sean’s suffers from is we called heat rash. The boy is all “galled up” as the old folks used to say. Us farm boys used corn starch or even some baby powder works wonders.
Just a chew toy for the hockey gods
Dayum
VLed up??? LOL.
My old Cheby Blazer used to do that shit, specially in Mexican in July at the Baja 500 when it was real fucking hot. 5 minute cool down and she was good to go. Even putting insulation on the gas line and rerouting it did no good.
Just a chew toy for the hockey gods
Join the club.
St. Louis Game Time . . . I need another beer.
And I can also write things in 140 characters or fewer.
Fuck you, job market?
I’ve been humping no-pay/low-pay internship the last two years (sorry chief — in PR), building my resume and keeping my game fresh and STILL nobody’s hiring? Ugh…it’s gotten so bad, I just applied for a PR Assistant position with the ’Hawks and I have to be excited about it.
(poll: if offered a job with Chicago, you know you’d be giddy. Sure, it’s the Blackhawks, but come on — it’s the NHL…)
I once shot a man just to see him die...then I got distracted and missed it.
by TheDuke32 on Jul 30, 2010 6:42 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
F you EA
Blackhawks on the cover 2 years in a row. id boycott your game if 2k didnt suck ass
Straight from the crazy unfiltered mind of a fifteen year-old Blues fan.
F-U EA, part 2
Still no PC version? Yep, still no purchase. Fuck you and your ridiculous console-only developers.
by BleedBlue42 on Jul 30, 2010 10:38 PM CDT up reply actions
F U
Not having enough money to get texting on my phone much less an interweb package.
Old eyes and having to wear contacts to see the tv and a permanent dent on my nose because the granny glasses are needed to see the laptop.
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.
It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all. Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey rain get fucked
I’ve seen almost 16 inches of you falling from the sky this month alone. I live in Missouri, not fucking England. If you’re going to visit so frequently, the least you could do is cool this bitch down for longer than five minutes. It’s 90% humidity before and after you rain so I’m still hot and now I have a lovely mixture of sweaty, rain-soaked clothes. Not cool.
St. Louis Game Time Fact: Morning links are part of a well-balanced meal.
SBNSTL Writing about the Blues in more than one line is tough.
Ah
Sweet, sweet memories of the flood of ’93. Rain or threats of rain everyday for close to two months. Has Hannibal put up the flood gates?
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige
the gates have been in pretty much all july.
they took ‘em out for the fourth, but after that, the gates are in. It’s a nice view from my apt.
St. Louis Game Time Fact: Morning links are part of a well-balanced meal.
SBNSTL Writing about the Blues in more than one line is tough.
Fuck you life
fuck you tourette’s for stealing my body
fuck the medication that doesn’t work and makes it so i can’t drink without getting super sick
fuck the people that fucking stare at me and think they can be so cruel to me
fuck my stupid job that doesn’t pay enough for the work i do
fuck the sun for being too fucking hot
fuck the clouds for making too much rain
fuck the sand for being too…SANDY!
fuck the roommate that forgot to bring the weed!
"I wanna be an achiever like Bad Horse.... I meant Ghandi" ~ Dr. Horrible
I could
REALLY go for a Butter Burger right now!
DON’T KILL ME WITH MY OWN GUN!
/End Zombieland
<3 Carnie
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige
Ehhhhhhh..... I agree to F you EA sports about Towus (or however its spelled)...
….but I am excited as an “11 year old who just found his dad’s playboy stash” about the goal reviews/disallowed on NHL ’11.
"Brad Winchester playing on a line with Perron and Berglund is like the fat kid who you invite to play one day because you didn't have enough skaters, yet you don't have the heart to tell them to leave the next few times you play. Damn you Andy Murray." -Author Unknown
by -DJ- on Jul 31, 2010 1:05 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
oh God is it 11 when they start looking at these?
Hubby and better hide them better from our 11yo
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.
It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all. Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fuck it.
Yeah, just “it”.
St. Louis Game Time . . . I need another beer.
And I can also write things in 140 characters or fewer.
Fuck You Cancer
Still got your ass beat for over 3 years now.
Fuck You Otakon
Seriously, why the fucking hell are you going to walk around downtown Baltimore dressed like various anime characters and dear HOD in heaven there should be a law…if you are an obese man you do not wear a Sailor moon outfit…ever.
Baltimore Blast - 6-time MISL/NISL Champions
Let's go Blues!
Now THAT'S a mental picture I could have lived without...
if you are an obese man you do not wear a Sailor Moon outfit…ever.
"If we do not prepare for ourselves the role of the hammer, there will be nothing left but that of the anvil."
-- Otto von Bismarck, 1851
http://futurenotes.blogspot.com
by Tomorrows Blues on Jul 31, 2010 1:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Hope it's not too late, but FAN TA IKEA
Seriously, after going up to Crappy Chicago Suburb #27 (better known to you as “Downers Grove”) this weekend to get some good, modern furniture at an excellent price point (plus $1.99 for scrambled eggs, bacon, homefries and weird Swedish pancakes in their restaurant…all tasty), I began to get pissed that they haven’t purchased the land that used to be the old Chrysler plant off 44 and Bowles and made it into one of their excellent stores.
After I checked online about locations, I found out that fucking Detroit (among other weird cities…Charlotte? Austin? Pittsburgh?) had one, but noooooo, us provincial-types can’t have their greatness. Someone needs to lend me a suit like Prof. Harold Hill wore in The Music Man and write me a catchy song about Ikea.
Also, fuck traffic, fuck IDOT for screwing up a stretch of I-55 from about Dwight to Kankakee with your night construction, fuck some silly music festival for making it so my Special Lady Friend couldn’t see me, and fuck all the Bandwagonhawks fans I saw for not realizing they’ll be paying out the ass this year to be in Salary Cap Hell.
And finally, fuck depression. Shit is the worst thing imaginable.
It's a funny name.
Wait. They're still doing road construction projects in the northern part of Illinois?
The current director of IDOT is a downstater (and, actually, was the state representative of my district before he took the job – I know him, he’s good people actually) and it seemed he moved all the construction projects down here, including one that’s gonna fuck up my drive home for a while starting Monday.
Color me stunned!
St. Louis Game Time . . . I need another beer.
And I can also write things in 140 characters or fewer.
Theres a 15 mile of stretch down here that is now 1 lane both ways. I haven’t seen progress on it in months. I will check tomorrow on my drive but I’m pretty certain that the north lane is still completely tore up after they ripped it apart in early June.
He raged at the world, at his family, at his life. But mostly he just raged.
Just because Jay McClement is the best defensive forward in the NHL doesn't mean he should win the Selke.
if IDOT is anything like MDOT
I feel for ya. MDOT can stretch a simple repair into years. I thought 61 north of STL was supposed to have orange cones as permanent landscaping. Did they ever finish that? The 2 sudden curves where they built the highway and didn’t meet up at the right spot was comical. They finally fixed that shit.
Just a chew toy for the hockey gods
Is it around Exit 18 in Troy?
They’re finally making that overpass a 4-lane path. Which, of course, should’ve been done as few as 15 years ago but they’re finally getting around to it, which is pleasant to hear I guess.
St. Louis Game Time . . . I need another beer.
And I can also write things in 140 characters or fewer.
Nah
Its a stretch of road between Biehle and Jackson.
He raged at the world, at his family, at his life. But mostly he just raged.
Just because Jay McClement is the best defensive forward in the NHL doesn't mean he should win the Selke.
Not familiar with it. Must be in Missouri.
At least the folks in Illinois are somewhat working on the roads over here, I guess. Sounds like you got a raw deal.
St. Louis Game Time . . . I need another beer.
And I can also write things in 140 characters or fewer.
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
Related FanPosts on St. Louis Game Time
Related FanShots on St. Louis Game Time
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recent FanPosts
FanShots
Quick hits of video, photos, quotes, chats, links and lists that you find around the web.
Recommended FanShots
Recent FanShots
In Association With
Latest Puck Daddy - NHL from Yahoo! Sports
- Puck Daddy chats with Paul Bissonnette about his triumphant return to Twitter, plans for a bum tattoo
- In which former NHL coach Ken Hitchcock foils a shoplifter
- Montreal's Price talks new 2-year contract, expectations post-Halak
- Donald Fehr aware of Kovalchuk drama, mum on everything else
- Puck Headlines: Savard's agent rants on Bettman; Halak in Montreal
Certain photos copyright © 2010 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
