FanPost

Live, Horsie, Live! New Team Names That Don't Really Suck


Hi again.  I think I've beaten this subject of team names to death, so this'll be it.  If anything, other posts I make will probably be relegated to things like talking about the season's hopes and minor league games in the area.

As time slows down to torture us until the tease of pre-season games and training camp reports, I figured "use the Rule of Three" like I learned in public speaking class.  At least I think it was Public Speaking.  It may have also been Talking Through Your Hat 101, I can't remember.  That's not what's important though.  What's important is that I beat the subject of team names to death for a third and final time.  This time, though, how about names for teams where you think "Okay, that's new and I kind of like it."  Or if you're really into it you think "THIS PLEASES THE HOCKEY GODS!  SERVANTS!  FETCH MY QUALITY CHEAP BOOZE FOR THE CELEBRATION!"

Who's up for the first round?  Anyone?

Well, how about the NAHL's Motor City Metal Jackets?  Read on...

Okay, yeah, they have the whole Robocop on Skates mascot.  I give that a plus because it's a reference to the coolest thing about Detroit in the past 25 years:  Robocop.  Never mind that they decided to film in Dallas instead of Detroit, it ties in to the city's industrial past and its future of someday hosting an all-cyborg hockey team.  The Wings are already trying an all-zombie lineup starting with Chris Chelios, so the minor leagues went with an all-cyborg team.  No news yet if ED-209 will start in goal.  So for tying in pop culture, a city's bright and shining past and the willingness to celebrate partially-robotic lifeforms, I give the Metal Jackets a "good on ya."

Next up, also in the NAHL, the Chicago Hitmen.  Well, enough said there, I think.  No, wait, too much of a joke there, so it actually verges on sucking.  This leads to the actual not-sucking version of the name in the form of the Calgary Hitmen of the Western Hockey League.  I don't know if Bret Hart funded the team or not (but I'm sure he had something in there to do with naming the team) but it's a great name to honor a once-great entertainer.

Finally, the best name out there in minor-league hockey today:  the ECHL's Wheeling Nailers.  It's Millionaires-esque.  Okay, let's face it.  With a name like the Nailers, the mascot ought to be named Studs and have the universe's most magnificent pornstache.  He should also be checking around the arena secretary's office to see if he can "help fix her back door problems."  Okay, that's actually kind of creepy even without the bass riff, but still, it doesn't really suck.  It's a better-than-average name, isn't an Ice + Animal combination, and has some originality to it.

There's plenty of really decent names out there, I figured I'd just go with the first three I could think of as topics for further discussion.  Now, repeat after me:  HURRY UP, SEASON OPENER... HURRY UP SEASON OPENER...

Please make sure that any content you post is appropriate to Game Time, which means that it pertains to hockey, the Blues, frosty adult beverages, or puppies.

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