F-You Friday, The Free Form Edition

I decide to trim just one-sixteenth extra off you, and you bleed like a motherfucker, then look like a Goddamn mutant being growing outside a womb, then hurt like a bitch when I take you bowling. Fucking asshole, that right thumb.

Fuck you, everyone who thinks the Blackhawks are going to win the Central. Sure, the nucleus is back, but unless 20¢ & Captain Seriously-Need-To-Spell-Your-Fucking-Name-Right plan on playing 40 fucking minutes a night without injury, that team goes nowhere. Silly prognosticators.

And fuck you, new laptop I ordered Labor Day weekend. You’re not here yet, so I’ll hate you until you show up. Them’s the breaks, yo.

to my dear sister. Telling me she’d only need me to babysit for 2 hours…from 7.30pm to 9.30pm. What time did she roll in? 2am!!!! Fuck sake.

Fuck you, migraines for crippling me for two days this week.

I was going to say fuck you to British Telecom…because my broadband went kabloom and they sent me a new Home Hub…which constantly restarted and kept kicking me offline. But they’ve redeemed themselves by not quibbling at all and sending me another brand new, adorable and shiny home hub which seems to be working fine.

For lodging in my upper lungs and trachea. Now every time I cough it turns into 25 to 30 seconds of muscle-spasming joy and oxygen deprivation.

Halo: ODST, Halo: Reach & Fable II on Xbox and your stupid ass dumb as shit endings. I get all excited going through the game and then its like “thats it??!!” 3 freakin’ games in a row that I’ve recently beat and I’m like WTF?

F-U to my piece of SHIT Olds Alero & its stupid fucking annoying habit of its glitch “lock out” when I try to start it to go somewhere. I’m fucking tired of sitting there for 10 minutes with the key in the ON position while it “resets” itself so I can then so graciously be allowed to go. If I could predict when this would happen, that’d be maybe more tolerable…but its always out of the blue and ALWAYS at the WORST FREAKING TIME!! F-U CAR!!!

And all the other teams at the Grinnell Ultimate Tournament. Mercy is not an opiton.

For manipulating our league settings so you could pick up Brandon Jackson on the waiver board before anyone else. Another FU for black balling my team after I called you out on it on the league message board. Stop cheating, grow a pair, and move on.

I don’t like having to take you off all of your individual stems to eat. I want to eat you by the handful and go about my day.

I am completely capable of donating plasma. I know I can do this STOP FUCKING DEFERRING ME!!!

You already fucking told me I was eligible to donate THE BOOK SAID PEOPLE LIKE ME ARE ALLOWED TO FUCKING DONATE SO JUST LET ME FUCKING DONATE!!!!!

“well… even though you already donated once, we are going to talk to our doctor to see if you are still eligible”
“what do you mean? I donated once before and it went perfectly”
“well… our book says that people with tourette’s are allowed to donate if their tics do not cause their arms to thrash about”
“I already described my tics to the nurse, I don’t thrash my arms”
“well….”

AHHH JUST LET ME FUCKING DONATE!!!!!

And fuck every single one of you fucking asshats in my dorm who think it’s funny to imitate my tics EVERY FUCKING TIME you walk past my door. It’s really FUCKING OBVIOUS!! You know what asshats??!!? Next time I will be standing behind my door with a fucking knife and so help me god if I hear you again I will jump out from behind the door and I will STAB YOU IN THE LARYNX SO YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO TALK AGAIN!!!

And fuck everyone of you asshole who make me feel like I can’t leave my room, can’t walk down the hallway, and can’t eat in the cafeteria without being harassed. Guess what?! I PAID JUST AS MUCH AS YOU TO COME HERE!!! And you know what? I am no longer going to sit quietly, I will fucking rip your fucking face off and shove a pole so far up your ass it comes out your eye socket.

/bad week.

Life would be so much easier if I could be like Captain Roboto and not feel human emotion. That whole acting thing I do might be a bit harder, but at least I could get shit done when it had to be instead of dwelling on every little fucking thing I have little to no control over!

Fuck you, Wednesday and Friday schedule! I don’t get a single break on those days from 9:30 am until 4 in the afternoon – and then I have rehearsal from 6pm-10 every night! Now starting this coming Wednesday I’ll be adding another hour or so to the day, meaning in a 12 and a half hour period, I’ll have one hour to even fucking eat!

for stopping me from seeing the first days of training camp…….

FUCK YOU to my department director for firing my manager….now I cant call in as much cause I might actually get in trouble for it………otherwise Id call in for training camp……..

And finally

FUCK DETROIT!!!!!!!……..just cause………….

FUCK YEAH HOCKEY IS BACK IN THE LOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously man. I have enough problems of my own without have to be forced to listen to you bitch about how the government is trying to spy on you and how hard your job is. I didn’t know you actually worked. You know unless sitting at the office computer all day playing on facebook counts as work. Be thankful you have a job in these times! Also shut the fuck up about how many more repeat customers I have than you. That’s not my fault. Well maybe it is on the count that I have a better personality, have more talent than you, and don’t smell like a sack of rotting potatoes.

My best friend and her boyfriend break up because he’s a total douche, so I’m in total damage control mode. Then, I get a job interview that goes really well Monday, and the guy basically says “there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get this job”. Tuesday, my 18 year old cat dies, had him since I was 3. Thursday, I find out that no, in fact, I did not get the job I basically desperately needed.

bangs head on wall This. Week. Sucked.

you heard me. FUCK CHUCK NORRIS for being on the stars team this seasn. i mean seriesly, chuck should do a gordie how hatrick all over dallas’ goalie. hell he should do a norris hatrick. (win a fight, score a goal, grab and assist, and impregnat the entire first row simutaneously)

um well, this week has been exceptionally good to me, I have no FUs

Went to the Route 66 Rendezvous cruise in Berdoo and saw some great seat covers and awesome sleds.

Today was the 48th annual wild game feed where we drank beer all day , smoked fine ceegars and consumed mass quantities of dead animals from all over the world. I won a $250 tuna rod in the raffle and my bird won me $50 in the ostrich races.

Shit I wish the week wouldn’t end but that would delay the Blues opener.

stupid asshole teenagers that run through my work (dick’s sporting goods) on friday nights and act like fuckin 5 year olds that dont know how to listen to us to tell them to stop runnin.. fuckin jackasses… just pisses me off….

but i gotta give props publicly to a co-worker of mine from new york who took my shift on tuesday so i could go to the first preseason game =) Thanks Amy!!! youre the best

GO BLUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll tell you now, I never did like you. And since I’m at it, fuck you Eric Daze wherever you are.

I can deal w/ it being boring but it sucks that my older cousin had to bury her husband on that day. So I’ve been thinking of her and her kids which are closer in age.
Fuck sharing a car, I hate it. I got sutff to do and I hate sharing a fucking car. While my oldest brother has a brand new camero and gets to use my nephew’s new jeep, while his wife and daughter have a car of their own. While I get to share a car w/ a sister and brother because mine broke down. Grr. And I get attitude w/ said dauther and wife. Fuck you bitches.
Fuck you for taking so long to change to electric heating, come on for fucks sake. And fuck you fleas for being on my cat. I have to wait til Tuesday for a flea collar. I all ready gave her a bath. Giving a cat a bath is a bitch…
/rant