Allan Walsh is a powerful player agent in the NHL. I say that because he's the only current agent in the league that anyone has heard of. He has a big mouth, he uses social media aggressively and he apparently doesn't like fake Twitter accounts that are about his clients.
There has been a Twitter account for Blues defenseman Roman Polak for a couple of years. Nothing about the profile said it was fake. And I expect some fans believed or wanted to believe it was real. The messages posted by the account were terrific. This Roman Polak took great joy in playing practical jokes on his teammates such as farting in their helmets when they weren't looking. He also liked to lift weights and sunsets on the beach. I'd just copy and paste them here...but the account was deleted Monday night after this message was posted by the real Allan Walsh:
@RomanP46 Your account is illegal and your ISP has been reported to the authorities. Delete your account immediately. Allan Walsh
There might be a few issues with this message. First, I'm not sure if you tweet @911 do you get the Internet police? What if this Roman Polak was in Poland? How about Rome? Does the Internet police have jurisdiction there? Also, when he says ISP, does he really mean this Roman's Internet service provider or is he trying to say they have this Roman's IP address? And what would have happened if the account wasn't deleted, Internet jail?
I guess we'll never know because the account was deleted. But through some first-rate investigative reporting and the fact that we here at Game Time are friends with most all of the smart-ass Blues fans on the Internet, we have an exclusive interview with the person responsible. I did not interview myself. I did not start, run, own or operate this account. If I'm lying, call the Internet police and have them take me away.
Q. So you operated the Roman Polak Twitter account. Are you in fact Roman Polak?
A. I've told my wife to call me Roman Polak in the sack on occasion, but no, I'm not Italian. Or Polish.
Q. Why did you start this account and not say that it was a parody account (which is totally allowed in the user agreement that no one actually reads but agrees to nonetheless)?
A. I was inspired by D.J. King's Condo on Myspace. I always wanted to believe that was D.J. King rocking out in his pad in hip and fun St. Charles. Even though he said some pretty outlandish things and had a cool pimp hat, he never said if he was real or not. That was half the fun. Then some Blues fans started responding to Roman thinking it was really him, farts in helmets and all. How could I not keep that up? It's not like I was making any money off it or Allan Walsh.
Q. Why did you delete the account?
A. Because Walsh is a blood-sucking agent that will stoop to anything for his clients. I don't need his shit. Fuck that guy.
Q. What's next for you on Twitter?
A. As soon as Nikita Nikitin learns enough English to tweet, maybe he should get an account. Or maybe T.J. Oshie's fart-smelling helmet could make some jokes. I bet he could be funny, but not as funny as Roman was. Either way, I'll have a funny story for my kids. "For a time, I was an NHL player. And then my agent screwed me."
In the dog-eat-dog world of Twitter, one account dies, another is created to fill the gap. We don't know who this is (it's not the proprietor of the original account and it's not us), but there is now an openly Fake Roman Polak account. And in his fifth tweet, the inauthentic Polak tweeted a message to @Not_Allan_Walsh.
Look like my agent, @Not_Allan_Walsh, has new twitters! #Blues
Let's review. The real agent of Roman Polak told the fake Roman Polak to delete his account. He did, only to find a new fake account created at the same time which responded to a new fake account of the real agent. Glad we could clear that up.
Social media may be a big waste of time, but it sure has made being a hockey fan more fun.