Top 11 Other Things Ken Hitchcock Can Fix In One Practice

by gallagher on Nov 30, 2011 11:30 AM CST

[From the Nov. 17 issue of St. Louis Game Time - inspired by reader Jeff W.]

11. The terrible leftover situation on the lunch buffet table.

10. All that unrest in the Middle East.

9. The shaky goaltending, the penalty kill and the neutral zone turnovers.

8. Getting all those stinky Occupy St. Louis bastards out of Kiener Plaza.

7. A broken escalator, thereby beating the previous building record by 364 days.

6. All the dogs David Backes rescued from a puppy mill that morning.

5. Bobby Plager's smoking habit.

4. Recession? What recession?

3. The terrible St. Louis Ranch Dipping Sauce Surplus Situation of 2011.

2. Your marriage.

1. Coming soon: Hockey Village.

From the 12 Fluid Ounces of Gallagher's Brain

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my 2 cents

11. Polak stickhandling reminding us of the days of Retard Persson
10. Colaiacovo going a whole game without visiting the trainer
9. Take out the 1st row so hitch can move up and down the bench
8. Halak having a bigger 5 hole than Angela
7. Cotton Eye Joe douche gets a new dance move
6. Remind Stewart that he’s not in Colorado anymore
5. The escalator in front of section 305 go a whole game without being out of fucking service
4. Order the remote control blimp to drop hotdogs into the bench
3. Oshie’s VIP status at Penthouse
2. Inform Strickland that copy and pasting JR’s column isnt considered journalism
1. Make Louie the official mascot of Penn State

by Art Lippo on Nov 30, 2011 11:35 AM CST reply actions 1 recs

Rec'd for the Louie Comment

& Rec’d like Louie’s virginity

by Cole Youngner on Nov 30, 2011 11:49 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs

I'm so glad others are using my Bloozocky pictures.

The above is said without sarcasm; I really do love seeing it. It’s like making some kind of machine that does something awesome, and then seeing people use it to do the awesome thing that it does… and then make it do something else which may be a little less awesome, but still awesome nonetheless because it’s not something I would have expected.

Let's Go Blues!
Support your local NAHL team. Seriously.

by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 30, 2011 1:28 PM CST up reply actions

YES!

I appreciate your genuine enjoyment. It’s a great meme, this gif in particular is awesome. I hope I can just do it justice. Thank you sir!

by Cole Youngner on Nov 30, 2011 2:12 PM CST up reply actions

Well, the idea of Louie as the Everymascot is a powerful one.

One day he’s a vengeful god, the next he’s being dry-humped by the Grinch in a child-friendly protest of poor on-ice officiating.

Let's Go Blues!
Support your local NAHL team. Seriously.

by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 30, 2011 2:40 PM CST up reply actions

Is Louie

Giving the “O” face?

PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?

by DanGNR on Nov 30, 2011 2:54 PM CST up reply actions

I think that's

Louie’s “Help, I’m being dry-humped by a bright green baboon” face.

Let's Go Blues!
Support your local NAHL team. Seriously.

by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 30, 2011 5:53 PM CST up reply actions

Louie getting a bonus reach around too

Just a chew toy for the hockey gods

by spectr17 on Nov 30, 2011 8:18 PM CST up reply actions

Yes. "Bonus."

To Louie, it’s just another entry into his Book of Grudges.

“Green baboon touched my swimsuit area repeatedly. I can still smell the shame of his sweat. The city doesn’t care. I wear its symbol, but it still doesn’t care. The city is indifferent to my suffering. It is also indifferent to my revenge. That mutant’s heart grew three sizes? Fine. Makes it easier for a center-of-mass shot, that’s all. Tonight, I cry out the humiliation, and then I reload. And then the killing time comes.”

Let's Go Blues!
Support your local NAHL team. Seriously.

by Paperwork Ninja on Nov 30, 2011 9:18 PM CST up reply actions

why the hate go the cotton eye Joe guy

He’s a good dude

St Louis Blues - Season Ticket Holder - Sec 106
SUTA
Twitter: @jdandturkelton
What Exactly is a God Wand?
Anyone who says "Nuff said" or "Need I say more?" needs to be elbowed in the cock.

by I_AM_SPARTACUS on Nov 30, 2011 12:03 PM CST via mobile up reply actions

I have actually gotten used to him.

It depends on my mood whether I think it’s a tired act or not.

PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?

by DanGNR on Nov 30, 2011 12:09 PM CST up reply actions

cotton eye joe guy

As quoted in Zoolander by Will Farrell’s character.

“He’s got 1 move!!”

by Art Lippo on Nov 30, 2011 12:17 PM CST up reply actions

I'd have no problem with the act . . .

but he’s a paying ticket holder like the rest of us. Just like Towel Douche.

What was so wrong with watching the game without acting like a jackass to get attention?

Then again, this is a free country.

Fight Club writer for the print edition of St. Louis Game Time . . . I need another beer.
The Throwdown Lowdown Report, only on The Bluenote Zone.
And I can also write things in 140 characters or fewer.

by Donut King on Nov 30, 2011 4:23 PM CST up reply actions

rumor is

blues asked cotton guy, they tried to ignore towel guy

if rumors are accurate there is a difference

And a harvest of righteousness is grown from the seed of peace planted by peacemakers.

by Childhood Trauma on Nov 30, 2011 6:16 PM CST up reply actions

^ Yes...just absolutely, yes... ^

David Backes haunts Freddy Krueger's dreams...

by YellowHead517 on Nov 30, 2011 12:46 PM CST up reply actions

being mean

but consiudering how broke the pp remains shouldnt the word “thinks” be added to the title of the list?

And a harvest of righteousness is grown from the seed of peace planted by peacemakers.

by Childhood Trauma on Nov 30, 2011 1:00 PM CST reply actions

Other things he can fix in one practice:

The First Battle of Bull Run

The improvised plot twist at the end of “My American Cousin” (Never send an model/actor to do an actor’s job)

The re-enactor who was told to fall over and play dead when his number got called out but didn’t because he was too busy scoping out all the hot chicks in their hoop skirts, thus completely ruining the entire re-enactment for the park visitors

Guys claiming to be in a Zouave group without the correct type of trousers and fez.

Zouaves carrying Model of 1860 Henry rifles when their units were clearly carrying regular percussion muskets

Guys claiming to be ninjas working with the Army of the Ohio

Using stainless steel chain to block the Mississippi

The motivation behind the guys trying to make “Shiloh: The Musical” into a life-affirming message with a hip-hop background

Underperforming forwards who mistake Eddy Grant for Ulysses S. Grant

People who only write one “L” in the name of General Lee’s horse

The PBS intern who decided to remaster the documentary series “The Civil War” using “Tom’s Diner” by Suzanne Vega as the only musical track

And of course… the whole Cardinals-Pujols contract dispute, because even a Civil War buff has to branch out a little