There's a young fan of our paper who reads every single word from cover to cover. This kid, who is clearly impressive in his dedication since the editor probably doesn'r even read every single word, has gotten so immersed in GT culture that his parents, who are clearly cooler than most - I won't let my kids read that rag, told us last year that he can read any article in the pages and then tell you who wrote it. He has picked up on the style an mannerisms of every writer on the staff.
You might not be that kid, but I'll bet you've already figured out that the "ramble, bulletpoints, next game" style of a post-game wrap means that gallagher has been drinking.
- As I said to my buddy outside who said, "Good game, eh?", yeah, good game, but why does it take a shootout to beat Columbus? Columbus sucks, yo. Their team nickname is the BJs, for chrissake. That joke is almost too easy to even write and yet they've teed it up for us for the rest of their franchise history. You get an early goal, Chris Stewart quickly follows by completing 67% of the Gordie Howe Hat Trick by punching the shit out of Derek Dorsett, thereby getting the crowd whipped into a frenzy, Cam Janssen jumps on your glory by starting another fight and then. . . come on, man.
- Also, I don't think this needs to be said, but, Chris Stewart is a fucking monster. His point-per-game pace at the start of the season and his pace post-trade to STL point to the potential for him to grab the entire NHL by the neck, look it straight in the eye and tell it, "I'm going to mouth pump you and there isn't one thing you can do to stop it." We just need to avoid him breaking his hands on dude's faces and then slumping for a few weeks when returning from injuries. Otherwise, get ready for some mouth pumpings.
- That BJ Grant Clitsome is a pretty good player. That said, I like my Dicksome and you don't see me putting that on a jersey.
- Since I'm already off-track, can I just mention the arena music these days? Look, I have a verge-of-teen daughter, so I'm pretty well versed in Ke$ha and Katy Perry and her unbelievable eyes (I said eyes) and all that other pop-trash. And yes, I have said the words, "Ke$ha? Ohhh, that's my girl. And this song is my JAM!" but it was done mainly to freak out said pre-teen and her friends. Please, please, please stop playing that shizz durinmg the game. this is hockey, we need the rock and the metal and the angry rap. So do the players. Do you really want David backes to get ready to lose another faceoff with "California Gurls" humming in his head? When we get to the point that the team is as successful as Chicago was last year and half of the stands are packed with dipshit puckbunnies with Oshie jerseys and sideways-tilted trucker "vintage" Blues hats you can feel free to bombard us with this autotuned warm garbage. Until then let's keep it simple: AC/DC, Rage, Manson, DMX, Van Halen (pre-Jump only) and nasty shit like that. I don't even like all those guys, but I know what works in hockey arenas.
- So, that game was a sellout, you say? Hmm. Well, then fine. We might as well self-assign some sort of nickname to ourselves. Detroit never sells their games out anymore and they call themselves Hockeytown, so I guess the field is wide open. Got any suggestions?
Blues go to Columbus on Wednesday. Those pricks spent all game trying to hit T.J. Oshie like he destroyed Rick Nash all last year, but it didn't happen. My bet is they go after him again on hump day and I bet he gets the best of them again.