11) About once a week, I prank-call Dave Checketts and tell him I have a bucket full of million dollar bills at the front gate of the DrinkScotch before giggling and hanging up.
10) I drink . . . heavily. No, more heavily than during hockey games, if you could imagine that possible.
9) I imagine the Cheveldae-Joseph goalie fight had happened yesterday. Goddamnit, that was 18 years ago. WHERE IS MY YOUTH?!
8) I actually do work at work. Yeah, you laugh now . . . .
7) I make up a bunch of stupid lists like this. Yeah. Fucking. Right.
6) I count down the days to October 8th, when . . . I head to a wedding in Iowa. Haha, fuck you, schedule-makers. Assholes, all of you.
5) I count down the days until David Backes is officially named Captain of the Blues. Because if that doesn't happen, I will probably lead a mob starting at Market Street so as to loot the town Vancouver-style.
4) I FUCKED DETROIT! Haha, just kidding. I don't want any nasty-ass diseases.
3) I repeatedly point out how everything is right and awesome with the world now that the Chicago Blackhawks are no longer the defending Stanley Cup Champions.
2) I constantly wish I were in the shoes of Shahid Khan or Mark Cuban so I could make an immediate "Impulse Buy" in St. Louis involving some hockey franchise that's for sale. After that, I imagine I'm ripping Jim Balsillie's guts out with my bare hands . . . for no reason, really.
1) I watch baseball. No really, that's happening. Is it October yet?
* Most of these items did not happen or have not actually happened.