The Face Wash

While we're all piled up here together, why don't you just smell my glove. And have a nice day.

If you're a regular visitor (I probably should have said frequent), you've probably seen the F-U Friday. And you've probably also noticed that we haven't had one for a while.

Part of it has been the Blues are playing well, what do we have to F-U about? And part of it has been the fact that we produce a game day paper that we sell outside the stadium and it takes a shit ton of time and this site suffers. But actually, the F-Us started to feel a little forced. I mean, we've got some rage issues (when properly mixed with hard alcohol), but they're not that big.

So I was thinking, maybe we need to change it up. We need a reason to vent, but maybe it's not a full, "No, seriously. Fuck. You." And we should make it hockey related. And that's how the weekly Face Wash was born. This is volume No. 1.

First, you need to know what the face wash is. The palm of the hockey glove is a sweaty, musty, generally rank place. You don't want to go smelling it unless you like opening up sacks of drowned kittens and taking a deep breath. Yes, it can be that bad. So the ultimate poke at an opponent that never gets a penalty is the face wash. Guy skates in hard, gives your goalie a snow job and everyone comes together. You want to send a message but not go to the box. So you tie him up and then smother his face with your glove. That stink envelopes his nose. For that brief moment, it's all he knows, his entire existence. And if you do it well enough, you can leave some residual stink behind.

Who this week needs a face wash? Join me on the jump.

  • The Sedins. Look, I know they're good. They are talented with the puck and always dangerous. They make plays. They are some of the best offensive hockey players in the world. They also represent the dark underbelly of European hockey where there is less regard for your opponent and his safety and where diving is encouraged if not required. They're antics on the ice bring them their criticism and the nickname, the Sisters.
  • NHL referees. I'm not calling out one official or one incident from one game. They all deserve a wipe of a nasty glove.
  • The Missouri Department of Transportation. If you don't live in St. Louis, you might not have heard about our massive blizzard this week that turned 20-minute commutes into two-hour marathons. We got a fucking inch of snow. Gridlock. Sure, it was the first snow of the winter. Sure, the temperature dropped freezing much of the melting snow as rush hour was starting. Circumstances were out of their control. I'm sure Davis Payne said the same thing as he was fired. Ken Hitchcock has shown it's all about results and it doesn't matter if your job is hockey coach or snow plow driver. The city grinds to a halt because of snow, you screwed up. Smell my glove.
Tell me fine readers, who deserves a sweaty glove to the face and why.
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