11) Mysterious brown substance found all over ice at Scottrade Center

10) Local sports venue boasts record alcohol sales

9) Hockey coach reportedly to open forbidden door

8) Defensemen surprised to learn game started at 8:00

7) "Long time" King fans happy with team effort

6) Mike Crombeen apparently not ready to stop playing

5) Cowboy ominously claims "Effort better improve"

4) Satan happy with contract he signed with LA goalie

3) Darryl Sutter states "Japan should have done better job of avoiding tsunami"

2) Red Wings and Blackhawks still out of the playoffs

1) Bob Plager threatens regicide