David Perron loves B.J. Crombeen only incrementally more than Game Time does.
1. Run around and hit people.
2. Stick up for teammates.
3. Don't take (too many) dumb penalties.
4. Give the Blues a good father-son story for the media and fans.
He also managed to do a couple other things along the way like score an unlikely hat trick against the Dallas team that let him be claimed off waivers back in late 2008 and becoming a role model and spokesman for people with diabetes.
He became just the latest casualty of an ever-improving Blues team. The fact is that because of the increasing number of talented players in the lineup, there just isn't much room for muckers and grinders like Crombeen. That said, I expect him to be highly motivated to prove his worth in Tampa - they'll surely get exactly what they were hoping for in the up-beat, high-intensity Crombeen.
But at Game Time the trade of a guy like Crombeen hits deeper. We lost a player we liked to root for, but maybe more importantly, we lost a bunch of easy jokes. The days of The Teej, The Beej and the Eeej are long gone. The celebrity lookalike photos of Crombeen next to Lee Harvey Oswald are over. But worst of all, the long-running joke in our paper, the BJ Crombeen Joke of the Day, is no more.
Rather than let them slowly slip into oblivion, after the jump are many of our favorite non-subtle BJ Crombeen Jokes of the Day.
After many months of trying to make ends meet, Jordan Tootoo and his wife decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to have the wife start hooking.
Early the next morning she came home looking very haggard and worn out. Tootoo guiltily asked how she did.
"I made $200 and 50 cents giving BJs," she replied.
"That's great!" said Tootoo. "But who gave you the 50 cents?"
"Everybody!" replied the wife.
In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. He asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Marys and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and gave a man a BJ."
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this. Surely 10 Hail Marys would not do. So, in desperation, he peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for a BJ?"
The altar boy replied, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
Mike Ribiero wanted to go to southern California and decided to hitchhike.
He finally hitched a ride with a trucker who was going west. Once in the cab, Ribiero noticed a monkey sitting on the seat between him and the driver. He thought it was strange but didn't question the trucker.
Finally the trucker said, "Hey, you wanna see something cool?"
SMACK! the trucker wacked the monkey upside the head. The monkey jumped up, crawled on the truckers lap, unzipped his pants and gave him a BJ. Eventually the monkey finished and went back to his seat.
The trucker turned to Ribiero, "Ya wanna give that a try?"
Ribiero replied, "Yeah, sure. Just don't hit me that hard."
An old couple flew into New York and took a cab into Manhattan. The cab driver asked them where they were from. The old guy told the cabbie they were from Chicago. The old lady, being hard of hearing, yelled, "What did he say?"
The old man replied, "HE ASKED WHERE WE ARE FROM. I SAID WE'RE FROM CHICAGO!"
The driver then said, "Chicago? Worst BJ I ever got was in Chicago."
One more time, the old lady yelled, "What did he say?"
The old guy responded, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU."
BJ Crombeen walked into a local clock shop and saw the most beautiful girl behind the counter. He calmly walked up, unzipped his pants and proceeded to flop his dick out on the counter.
"Sir, what are you doing?" exclaimed the girl, "This is a clock shop!"
"I know," said Crombeen, "And I'd like you to put two hands and a face on this."
Three friends, two straight guys and a gay guy, and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
One of the straight guys and his wife went first. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, BJ."
One night, as Bobby Plager and his wife lay down for bed, Plager started rubbing his wife's arm.
She turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Plager, rejected, turned over. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Ryan Getzlaf's wife and Corey Perry's wife were talking at lunch one day when Mrs. Getzlaf mentioned that Ryan had a bad dandruff problem.
"I know how to fix that," said Mrs. Perry, "I gave Corey Head & Shoulders and it cleared right up."
After a few moments Mrs. Getzlaf said, "How do you give shoulders?"
Niklas Lidstrom's wife went to a psychiatrist to try to sort out her marital problems. As he was asking her questions, everything seemed to come back to sex. In particular, she seemed to have a fascination with BJs. Finally he asked, "Do you ever look at your husband's face when you're giving a BJ?"
"I did once," she replied.
"And how did he look?"
"That's interesting," he said, "Why do you think he appeared so angry?"
"He was looking at me through the window."
Bob Plager had been dating a girl for a few weeks when he decided to try to move the relationship a stage further.
"How do you feel about BJs?" he asked her.
"It's fine," she said, "As long as it's infrequent."
Plager paused for a moment and then said, "Is that one word or two?"
Joe Thornton was sent to jail over some tax problems and, to his horror, was put in a cell with a giant, greasy biker.
That night the biker announced menacingly, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?"
Thornton was terrified, but decided to pick the lesser of the two evils.
"I guess I’ll be the husband," he stammered.
"Fine," said the biker, "Now get over here and suck your wife’s dick."
T.J. Oshie went to church for confession and told the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I got a BJ from a loose woman."
"Oh my," said the priest, "Was it Mary O'Malley?"
"Uh, no," said T.J.
"Was it Kate Callahan?"
"No Father," said T.J.
The priest guessed a few more times before finally absolving Oshie of his sin. When he came out of the confessional, Kevin Shattenkirk was there. He asked, "Did he give you a big penance to do?"
"No," said T.J., "But he did give me five good leads."
Luc Robitaille and his wife dated for many years before marrying. Through that whole time, he could never get her to give him a BJ. Once they got married, he thought he could get her to start, yet she always refused. On their anniversary one year, he implored her, but she still said no, explaining, "I can't. You'll never look at me the same way again. You will never respect me again."
On their tenth anniversary, he tried again, but was rebuffed with, "No, dear, you'll never look at me the same way. You'll never respect me."
On their 15th anniversary, their 20th, their 25th; always the same question, always the same answer, "No, dear, you'll never look at me the same way. You'll never respect me."
Finally, on their 30th wedding anniversary, Robitaille tried yet again. This time, his wife surprisingly agreed.
"It's been a long time we've been together and you've always treated me with love and respect," she said, "It's time for a special night."
She gave him a BJ and it was everything he'd hoped. As they lay in the bed recovering, the house phone rang. After a few seconds, it was obvious that the answering machine was not going to pick it up. Robitaille finally looked at his wife and said, "Would you please go get the phone you cocksucker?"
Bobby Plager went up to a woman at the bar and asked, "You want to play a game called Magic?"
"How do you play?" she asked.
"Easy," he replied, "We go to my place, you give me a BJ and then you disappear."
A vacationing penguin is driving through
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in
He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."
Jordin Tootoo went into a bar and said, "Bartender, give me seven shots of bourbon."
The bartender replied, "OK pal, but you’re gonna hurt yourself with that."
"Just pour them," answered Tootoo.
After Tootoo took the first shot, the bartender asked, "Hey, do you want to talk about it"?
Tootoo replied "No!" and drank two more shots.
The bartender said, "Come on and tell me about it. I’ve got a good ear, that’s why a lot of people come here, to talk about their troubles."
By then Tootoo finished all seven shots and said, "OK, if you must know, today was my first BJ."
The bartender responded, "Hey that’s great, have another on the house."
To which Tootoo replied, "No thanks. If seven shots don’t kill the taste, one more won’t help."
"What would you do if you heard the world was going to end in one hour?" he asked.
"Me?" replied Cam, "I’d try to get a BJ from everything that moved. What would you do?"
"Stand perfectly still," said Jay.
One evening a mom and dad and two sons were watching TV. Dad gave mom a look, and they headed upstairs.
The two little boys wondered where their parents went, so after a little bit, they went up to take a peek.
The elder son went first and looked through the lock.
"Well," said the older boy, "Take a look. And remember this the next time mom gets on your case for sucking your thumb!"
At school one day the teacher said, "Today we're going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anyone have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Little David Backes put his hand in the air, "Me, Mrs. Johnson, me! I have one!"
"Okay, David, what is your word," said the teacher.
"Mas-tur-bate," he replied.
"Oh my," said the teacher, surprised, "That's quite a mouthful."
"No, no," said little Backes, "You're thinking of a BJ."
Three generations of hookers were living together in Minneapolis. One night the granddaughter came home complaining about her night.
"I only got $20 for a BJ," she said.
"That's nothing," said the mother, "In my day I got 50 cents for a BJ."
"Ha!" said the grandmother scornfully, "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"
T.J. Oshie and Patrik Berglund were climbing into their car after a weekend at former teammate Brad Winchester's house and were saying their pleasant good-byes.
"Thanks for having us," said Berglund, "The food was great, the booze was great and your wife gives a great BJ."
On the way home, Oshie turned to Berglund and said, "I hope you weren't serious about his wife giving a great BJ."
"Nah," said Berglund, "It was actually terrible. I was just trying to be nice."
Williams said, "Hey, I know you're happy to be getting married, but what's up? You look so excited."
Penner replied, "I just had the best BJ I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
His bride came walking down the aisle and she, too, had the biggest, brightest smile on her face.
The maid of honor noticed and said, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up? You look so excited."
"Rightly so," she replied, "I just gave the last BJ of my entire life!"