Spelling 101

He's even a subpar smirker. - Joel Auerbach

Alright. Tonight is the night. Hockey is back. Our beloved Blues are back. But I've noticed not everyone can spell the names of people on the team. Autocorrect is a fickle bitch, but he is not to blame for your carelessness.

Let's start with Jackman. His name holds only ONE T. Just one. Barret. Barret Jackman. How are we supposed to trade him if we can't petition the correct person to be traded, WHAT CHANCE DO WE HAVE?

Next we have the deceptively numbered, No. 1, Brian Elliott. The extra T is for extra Talent. Or extra tankage. It depends on the Elliott we get this year.

I feel like we should rehash "Colaiacovo" because of all the jokes that will come from the Wings. However, with Detroit's literacy rate hovering around 1% we're better off learning the proper techniques of cave painting to get that point across.

The fearless captain? Spelled A-M-E-R-I-C-A. 'Nuff said.

There are a couple of new guys wearing the Note* this year. Woywitka. Once the pronunciation is seared into your brain "whoa wut? kay ..." it's a cinch. Redden? Pass. It causes me too much grief.

Who the fuck is Taylor Chorney? The things you learn while writing these articles.

Coal/Cole. Interchangeable depending on how the kid's playing. Free pass.

Jamie Langenbrunner. This one is easy. Just make sure you have the number of letters in his last name equal 1/10 of his age. 13 letters, start with "Lang" end with "ner." Fool proof.

Lucky, lucky, lucky Blues. Could you imagine if David Warofsky** were around? I'll take spelling Sobotka any day.

I saved the most difficult for last. Tarasenko. We'll just call him #wet.

Recap:

  • BarreT
  • EllioTT
  • Langdkeigener
  • Coal
  • #Wet.

*Long Live The Note.

** Is he around? Like anywhere?

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