Wednesday Links - Playing The Tease

The Blues have less than a week to sign this guy before it goes to arbitration. - USA TODAY Sports

I tease you about something that's coming this afternoon. The Leafs are planning parades (no, seriously). Penner is taking his pancakes back to Anaheim. And more Star Trek mash-ups. Don't hump hump day, you sick pervert.

Today is the worst sports day of the year. Goddamn NOTHING on, at least nothing that means anything toward standings of any type.

Fuck today. But please do stick around.

BLUES NEWS:

  • Hah . . . you're kidding, right?
  • Oh, you weren't . . . well, arbitration hearings were set. Most notable for the Blues, of course, is Chris Stewart. Unless he and the team reach a deal, the case is heard next Tuesday morning. [NHLPA]
  • Oh, and I think this gentleman is failing to take into account that Derek Roy is a center and veritably will be a Top Six guy with the Blues no matter what, but he thinks Roy's fantasy value won't be spectacular next season, though I'd reason that it's simply because offense goes to die in St. Louis. But I digress. There was a full list of seven here. [Dobber Hockey]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Just a reminder that the schedule and new division names are SUPPOSED to be released today. Which means they'll probably be released next week because fuck Gary Bettman in the earhole.
  • Puck Daddy runs down the luckiest and unluckiest teams in the NHL in 2013, with stats, graphs and dataviz created with help from our own Robb Tufts. Nice work, Robb. [Puck Daddy]
  • Maple Leafs fans (especially the ones at Pension Plan Puppets) have been joked at and have made jokes regarding "planning a parade" quite a bit in years' past. Well, the new head of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment actually HAS planned a parade route. Fucking. Dumbass. [Bloomberg]
  • Dustin Penner has signed a one-year deal to return to Anaheim, where he once won a Cup. [Twitter / Eric Stephens]
  • No one has a Goddamn clue what Jaromir Jagr means by this. [Puck Daddy]
  • A killer piece by Tim Sullivan on Seth Jones and how he stands a great chance to become hockey's first African-American superstar. (Don't read the comments. People are fucking stupid and don't know the difference between an American and Canadian, apparently.) [SB Nation]
  • The Kings acquired Daniel Carcillo. I'll still remember him as the guy who blew out his knee while throwing an illegal hit on someone because that's what this fucker does. [Puck Daddy]

OTHER SHIT:

  • The MLB All-Star Game was yesterday. (#DismissiveWankingMotion) I didn't get to watch it, but apparently someone ran onto the field on a Twitter dare (#MoreDismissiveWankingMotion). Probably was more exciting than the game, but what the fuck ever. [SB Nation]
  • Imagine opening your PayPal account one morning and finding $92 QUADRILLION on there. Welp, it happened to a Pennsylvania man. [Y! / The Sideshow]

VIDEOS:

Two from Childhood Trauma today, both Star Trek mash-ups.

First . . . Spock's funeral spliced with the "I'M NOT DEAD!" scene from Monty Python:

Then, a mash-up of The Next Generation with a popular pump-up song.

    You'll want to check the site at about 1pm CDT today. Something special this way comes. And you get input on it, too. So pull up a chair, grab a beer and settle in.

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