Friday Links: All Goes According to Plan...

"J-Mill's the official Weekend Links-Master? ALL RIGHT!!!" - Dilip Vishwanat

Al's son is heading to the OHL, Landes keeps on Kogging, roller derby is awesome whether you're there or not, and you get to name a fake animal. Literally.

Phase One: Once Donut King goes on vacation, volunteer to cover the Game Time links, and do them well enough to get promoted to Weekend Links-Master (my new business cards are in the mail).

Phase Two: ???

Phase Three: Profit!

BLUES NEWS:

  • This is a few days old, but I don't remember seeing it posted, so I'll pass it along: Tom Stillman is allowing the Blues to actually spend money this summer with the intent on seriously contending. "We're not all talk," Stillman said, literally talking and doing nothing else while doing so. [STLToday]
  • MacINNIS SIGNS WITH RANGERS!!! That's Al's son (and St. Louis born) Ryan MacInnis signing on with the Kitchner Rangers of the OHL, which just so happens to be Chopper's former junior team. Watch out, as Ryan is 2014 draft eligible! (Any early prognostications about how high he might go, Brian?) [Flames, via Pro Hockey Talk]
  • ICYMI, yesterday saw the beginning of our "HOW-TO HATE" series, designed to get to know our new Central division rivals through the eyes of their most hated former rivals. Winging it in Motown stopped by to warn us of the great plague that is the Colorado Avalanche. (Thanks again to J.J. from Kansas!) Might I add, whoever it was who asked the questions certainly did an amazing job as well. And he even had a subtle yet unmistakably sexual charisma. (I also hear he's single, ladies...) [SLGT]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • The Devils are officially under new ownership. Which I thought happened last week. And then again earlier this week. But I guess happened yesterday. I'll be honest, I don't know how this shit works - I don't even understand my student loan debt. [Devils]
  • Wait, Sidney Crosby got to go to the front of the line at the DMV?!? Well I never! Does anyone else know of any NHLers getting *gasp* preferential treatment?!? Yes, you have your hand raised, Mr. Down Goes Brown? [Down Goes Brown]
  • Teemu might come back. He might not. Either way I'll sing "There's no 'I' in 'Teemu Selanne - at least not where you'd think..." [Puck Daddy]
  • Gabriel Landeskog signed a 7-year extension to continue missing the playoffs in Colorado. [Mile High Hockey]
  • Ryan Kennedy of The Hockey News makes the case that the NHL should abandon the Winter Olympics after 2014 in favor of reinstating the World Cup of Hockey in the summer. Seeing as the 2018 games will be in South Korea - another scheduling nightmare with no threats of Alex Ovechkin jumping to the KHL if the league says no - that might not be a bad idea. [The Hockey News]
  • Polish off those Erik Johnson jokes: Claude Giroux will be sidelined the next 5-6 weeks after injuring his index finger on a golf course. Reports say that his club shattered in his hand and splintered into his finger. It is not yet confirmed that his club shattered while fighting off a possessed golf cart. (Nailed it!) [The Hockey News]
  • Speaking of over-used punchlines in Blues history, Mike Danton is playing hockey again, currently in Russia. Here he blogs about the insanely intense training camp regiment that apparently is second nature in Putin-land. Definitely worth a read Please save your Mike Danton murder-for-hire jokes (unless you have a really good one.) Sticktap to CrossCheckRaise [MikeDanton22]

OTHER THINGS:

  • While we as Blues fans are welcoming new fans and teams to our division, we as human beings are now welcoming a new species into our class. Scientists have discovered a new mammal: the olinguito. Related poll below. [HuffPost]
  • Tom Brady suffered a knee injury this week. Sources say he's perfectly fine, but what does that really mean? Jon Bois knows what that means: Brett Favre Time. [SBNation]
  • Have you ever gotten on someones case for using the word "literally" in a non-literal context? Well it turns out that they were literally correct, as Merriam-Webster has literally changed the meaning of the word "literally." That's right: the word "literally" literally no longer means "literally." [CNN]
  • If you've got a little time on your hands, the fantastic SBNation Long form series includes a look into roller derby in North Carolina. I went to a roller derby bout a couple years ago in Marion, IL. It was pretty much awesome. [SBNation Long Form]
  • Stephen Colbert, perhaps the greatest satirist of our time, produced one of his best segments ever the other night. I'll just leave this here. [Colbert Nation]
  • If you're a fan of pumpkin beer like I am, then Christmas Thanksgiving Autumn is coming early this year. Schlafly Pumpkin Ale is already out! [STLToday]

VIDEO:

Ever wonder why Disney movies usually don't have epilogues? Here's your answer - in a capella form! If you have Disney-obsessed kids, I'd recommend making sure they aren't in earshot.


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Enjoy your Friday! ...or don't, whatever, I'm not your boss.

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