Friday Links: Return of the Ambassador of Fun

"God, Dallas sucks...I think I'll move somewhere that has a statue of me!" - Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Number 16's on his way home, I dig up the first Jackman-hater, the Rams try to do the mathematically impossible, and Charter continues being absolutely terrible. L'Shana Tova!

Remember that time we had a weekly series of Hate-themed articles? There will be something next week, I promise.

In the meantime, would you like something to drink? Eat? Click on? Have a seat and help yourself.

BLUES NEWS:

  • Still no contract for Alex Pietrangelo, but there is some news out: if there's no Orange Jello on the ice come training camp, we might be sending an invite Ray Whitney's way. My excitement over this news is quickly reaching Daria-n levels. BTW, I just bought a new Petro T-shirt/jersey this week, so if something suddenly goes significantly wrong in negotiations, you guys know who to blame. [SLGT]
  • Although reports say it's not yet finalized, the Blues are bringing Brett Hull into the front office as a vice-president of some kind. It remains to be seen if he'll occupy the same kind of "Ambassador of Fun" as he did in Dallas, but as long as he doesn't sign Sean Avery, I'm more than fine with it. Welcome home, Hullie! (PS, if you search for "Brett Hull" through our stock photos, only 10 pictures come up - and 8 of them are rugby!) [STLToday]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Brian Burke will now be keeping his ties untied in Calgary as President of Hockey Operations for the Flames. Although Calgary's a pretty big rodeo town, right? So he might be untying his bolo ties this time. Oh, but don't worry - Jay Feaster will continue being hilariously terrible at his job. [Pro Hockey Talk]
  • Photos have leaked of Jonathan Toews modeling the new Canadian Olympic jersey. And he looks like a fucking idiot. Oh, and the jersey looks like shit, too. (PS, the answer is "yes," they do have the whole fake draw-string thing going on. Also, poll below.) [Puck Daddy]
  • Sabres president Ted Black was asked about Buffalo's new third jersey, and he responded "no comment." That's probably the first good decision the Sabres have made in the entire jersey-creating process. [The Buffalo News]
  • Our Great and Glorious Puck Father has brought forth unto us a gift: a website called Topsy.com, where you can - among other things - search through every tweet ever published. Wysh uses it to find the first people in history to ever tweet about "Cindy Crosby" and "LOLuongo"...... [Puck Daddy]
  • ...but I went ahead and did you guys one better: I wanted to find the first "Barret Jackman sucks" idiot in Twitter history. And here you go:


At least "mule pecker" is the tiniest bit creative. Besides, anyone who give a shout-out to the Foo Fighters in their Twitter handle can't be a complete idiot, right? (...right?)

ANTI-HOCKEY NEWS:

  • @D_Vilhelm and I really enjoy this headline: Alaska Feline Mayor Stubbs the Cat Suffers Dog Attack. [BBC]
  • Tonight the United States men's national soccer team plays a World Cup Qualifier in Costa Rica, and if luck goes our way, we could officially punch our ticket to Brazil 2014. However, the big game is on Tuesday in Columbus against Mexico, where 20,145 proud Americans - nearly half of which will be official members of the US supporters group, the American Outlaws - will cram together and cheer on yet another 2-0 win over the Mexicans in Ohio! Steve Clare chronicles how far the support for the national team has come in such a short amount of time. [HuffPost]
  • Football started last night (holy shit, this year is going to be a good one for Tyler's Broncos!). Yesterday, Football Outsiders released their playoff likelihood percentages, which are I suppose based on math and shit or whatever, and not only did they give the Rams a 5.4% chance of making the playoffs (for reference, Arizona gets 8.6%), but apparently the Rams are also the only team with a mathematical 0.0% chance of winning the Super Bowl - fuck, even the Jaguars get a 0.1%! [Football Outsiders]
  • Did you know that in Korea, the belief that leaving an oscillating fan on indefinitely can be one of the most dangerous things possible that Korean fan manufacturers are legally required to instal a timer on every fan they make to force it to turn off after too long? That's due to the "Common Belief Fallacy." Basically, human brains are naturally stupid until you make yourself not be stupid. Learn more, and help yourself be less stupid (especially if you're @FooFan1)! [Big Think]
  • Santa Claus was recently summoned for jury duty. Really. (...OK, not really really, but...just click the damn link!) [Yahoo! News]
  • Charter Communications blows. I have this exact same problem, and I clearly am not alone. I WANNA WATCH THE LEAGUE, GODDAMNIT!!! [STLToday]

VIDEOS:

It happens to be a very special time of year for our Jewish friends (and since I was a theatre major in college, I have many), so what better way to celebrate a happy jew year Rosh Hashanah than with a Chosen version of Daft Punk's "Get Lucky!" And no matter what faith you follow, who doesn't love break dancing Israelis? L'Shana Tova!


As for the gentiles among us, the legendary John Cleese brings you everything you ever needed to know about the human brain. (Just skip the first 30 seconds or so, someone got a tad too intro-happy).


Wise words, Mr. Cleese.

Hey, you! Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you! Do YOU want to help contribute to tomorrow's daily links post?!?

...what's that...oh, you don't? No, no, that's cool...I'll just...no, it's fine, whatever...I mean, if you change your mind, you can hit me up at:

But seriously, though...fuck Charter.

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