Recap: Blues Roll Over and Die Against Devils, 7-1

AND NONE FOR KEVIN SHATTENKIRK! - Elsa

Well that sucked hard donkey dildos.

Tonight the mid-2000s Blues decided to show up for the game against the New Jersey Devils. Say what you will about the scheduling and being tired and what not. In the NHL that is bullshit. You have a game to play, then you are expected to go out there and do your job. Tonight they failed to do that. There was a lot that went on in this game and honestly I have no desire to go over what happened on the ice for 60 minutes in New Jersey tonight. As the official Gametime Recaper it is my job to recap the game in any way I see fit. So tonight the Recap is going to be a little bit different though.

11 Reasons Why This Game Sucked

11. Brian Elliott was clearly not on his super awesome goal saving, miracle team carrying hot streak. Neither was Jaroslav Halak.

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10. The team was jetlagged as fuck. Red eye trips do not agree with this team but fuck, you play professional hockey. Get it together boys!

Blues be like:

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NHL be Like:

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09. They were playing in a cold, empty building against a very alert and fast New Jersey Devils.

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08. Vladimir Tarasenko was still out sick with the flu.

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07. Actual Dog Shit would smell better than the performance the Blues left out on the ice tonight.

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06. Seriously, no one was awake throughout the game!

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05. Hitch kept fucking with the lines every shift and then looked like he was going to explode at one point.

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04. Elliott got pulled after only 12:17 minutes of play after giving up 3 goals on 9 shots. 

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03. The bad weather gave the NHL a chance to be "Punny" with their recap title.

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02. Steener's 25th goal of the season was wasted on a pathetic return effort by his team.

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01. The weather outside was frightful, but the God damn Blues were CERTAINLY not delightful!

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