Wednesday Links - Good Blues, Bad Tyler

Ray Emery would've had a better shot stopping Teej and Shatty if he'd done THIS in net. - Bruce Bennett

So I apparently have a few anger issues to work out, so I'm just going to splay them out here, and if you like what I'm saying, fine. If not, skip it and click on things and watch a video. Freedom of choice, man. IT'S THE 'MERICAN WAY.

Rant-filled intro. If you don't want to hear it, scroll down.

. . . alright, I gave you a chance to scroll down. Listen to a couple things.

By the Twitter reaction, you would've never guessed the Blues won last night.

I dunno, would you rather have a team that figures out how to win a hockey game when they're playing like ass, or a team like the Maple Leafs, a squad that folds like a cheap suit in the rain when the going gets REALLY tough? (Ironically enough, the Leafs won last night too).

I dunno. Personally, I'd rather have the former. But hey, you can have your choice. I'm not going to say you're wrong. (Though I'm probably going to say you're wrong, because I'm . . . THAT dickhead.)

And if liking what I see out of a team that can pull a win out of its' ass when the going is rough--or, more specifically, when the numbers are on their side but the scoring is not--makes me a pom-pom waver, what . . . the fuck . . . ever.

/END RANT I

ALSO (and this one is decidedly more serious): If you use a lot of homophobic slurs, you're not allowed to use the excuse of "well, my brother/uncle/best friend is gay and HE doesn't care". That's like saying you're not a racist when you have friends that are black but still use the "N" word to describe his people but the black guy doesn't say anything about it because, well, he just doesn't. Or saying you respect women because you're married, but you still beat the ever loving shit out of your wife because, apparently, you love her THAT much. Take the time to educate yourself about what you're saying or doing, why you're saying or doing it (if you even HAVE reasons to speak of) and figure out how to be a productive member of society without looking like a fucking douche. And seriously, knock your shit off. And if you're saying these things on social networking sites, you are NOT allowed to tell me "oh, it's not that big a deal, it's just social media". Well, sure, dipshit. It WOULDN'T be a big deal . . . but employers look at shit like this for job interviews, and if you're going to call someone a "fairy f****t" or something on Facebook or Twitter, it IS going to come back to you. I dunno, does it matter now? I think it does, and assuredly YOU will find that out one day. And when it does, I'll be over here, ready to tell you "I fucking TOLD you so, and you didn't listen, but whatever, no big deal, right?"

/END RANT II

Yes, I'm angry about things. If I didn't have THIS, I'd already be in a padded room, I guess. Anyway, you didn't come here for personal rants. You came here for links. And perhaps weird rants about those links. So I guess I'll do that.

BLUES NEWS:

  • Neither team scored in regulation or overtime, Ryan Miller stood on his head, T.J. Oshie did the whole T.J. Oshie thing and Kevin Shattenkirk put a beauty past Ray Emery and the Blues won 1-0. YES, THE BLUES WON THE HOCKEY GAME. IMAGINE THAT. Ashley, aka CaliforniaCoolPerson or whatever, has your recap. [SLGT]
  • With the win, the Blues tied a franchise record for wins in a season with 51. I dunno, is that good? Also, that's Miller's first shutout in 101 games. That IS good, because it's not the dreaded #RyanMillerShutout. Those bits and more in Lou's post-gamer, but really, why are you reading this? HE'S JUST A TEAM MOUTHPIECE THAT WILL ONLY TELL YOU GREAT THINGS ABOUT . . . oh yeah, a really fucking good hockey team. [In The Slot / Lou Korac]
  • Reader "previously" looks at possible playoff scenarios for the Blues and what they may mean, while seeing if there's an "optimal" scenario. MY TWO CENTS (and I know no one cares, but whatever): a team as good as the Blues shouldn't give two shits who they play in the playoffs when all is said and done. [SLGT FanPosts]
  • Extra Skater had a cool chart tracking the Blues and Flyers last night. (S/T to J-Mill) [Twitter / @JMill1120] (APRIL FOOLS!)

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Eleven games last night. I dunno, didn't the Blues win one of them? I can't tell with all the bitching, really. [NHL.com 04/01/14]
  • Four games tonight. TWO of them are considered "Wednesday Night Rivalry" material . . . and both of them are "WHAT THE FUCK?!"-type entries . . . yes, Bruins-Red Wings (?!?!) and . . . Kings-Coyotes (DOUBLE ?!?!). [NHL.com 04/02/14]
  • Douglas Murray may not be playing hockey for a while thanks to this elbow to the face of Mike Kostka (in GIF form). Honestly, I don't think Canadiens fans will miss him. (GIF S/T to @ChrisAhner) [CloudFront]
  • The two guys who staged a fight, bro-hugged and one guy drank a beer at the end of it? Yeah, they're suspended from the Federal Hockey League, probably for life. Because of the beer. Money quote from the owner: " . . . 'I'm losing money for this?'" Wait wait wait . . . YOU'RE LOSING MONEY AND YOU STILL OWN A HOCKEY TEAM? WHAT A GREAT BUSINESS MODEL, ASSWIPE! [Puck Daddy]
  • The person that tried suing the Belfast Giants because of a puck she was struck by at a Belfast Giants game . . . lost the suit. Good. PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME. [Belfast Telegraph]
  • Instead of the Edmonton Oilers apologizing to their fans for being a colossal embarrassment (and hey, how about old friend David Perron, scoring goals, playing basically zero defense and still taking dumb penalties for a no-account team?), an Oilers fan took out a full-page ad in the Edmonton Journal to apologize to the team for fans being dicks lately. It was received about as well as you'd expect. [Puck Daddy]
  • Why has Randy Carlyle sucked as Maple Leafs coach? Our old SBN Hockey boss, James Mirtle, says it's his failure to adapt. A common refrain, yes. But Mirtle, as he does, digs a bit deeper. [Globe & Mail]
  • If you need further proof that April Fools' Day is "Amateur Day for Assholes", well . . . the Cape Breton Screamin' Eagles, the QMJHL team that drafted Ilya Kovalchuk and the North American junior team he never played for, 'retired' Kovalchuk's number 71, which he never wore for the team, in a 'ceremony' yesterday. Well, I suppose it worked, since we're talking about it, but seriously, fuck off. [Puck Daddy]
  • Jarome Iginla (#Iggy4Lyfe), Gustav Nyquist and Claude Giroux were named the NHL's Three Stars for the month of March. THAT STAR REALLY HELPED GIROUX IN THE SHOOTOUT LAST NIGHT, DIDN'T IT?!?! LOLOLOLOL . . . [NHL.com]

OTHER SHIT:

  • The great Jon Bois takes the other winter-sport-playing team in Philadelphia, the 76ers, and gives them the 0-82 season they deserve in his first "NBA Y2K" post. Jon Bois owns the internet, so even if this is basketball, I will be entertained. You might be too. [SLGT]
  • "Destroy The Wave". Sure, it's a surfing shirt, but I'd wear this to a baseball game . . . probably not a hockey game though, because if anyone does "The Wave" at a hockey game and I spot them, I'd probably shank them. (S/T to CrossCheckRaise) [Twitter / @CrossCheckRaise]
  • MLB replays average 1:39 after one day. Sure, that'll get longer, but it sure beats the hell out of a manager screaming at an umpire for five minutes . . . if you ask me. [Deadspin]
  • "Whatcha in here for?" "Oh nothing . . . but I've got this sharp pain in my neck, like there's a FUCKING CHAINSAW LODGED INSIDE IT or something. Can ya help, Doc?" [Y! / AP]

VIDEO:

Hat tip to SLGT Godfather II, one Juan Mallager. All I do is win (thanks for reminding me of this, J-Mill, by the way):

BE HAPPY, DAMNIT.

Send links and shit, it's good for you:

Pop back later for Beyond Checkerdome Episode 37. Where we actually make some sense about things sometimes. We also have a guest who helps us sound smart and stuff (and is smart himself). So join us!

And sorry for being all Ranty McRanterberry today. But I CANNOT promise that it won't happen again. Sorry about that, too.

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