Thursday Links - Thor's Hammer

Michal Handzus must really suck. - David Banks-USA TODAY Sports

A new center. Fuck Chicago. Fuck LA. Game Six at MSG. Power Rankings. Corey Hart postpones (yes, that one). Rene Bourque's parents' lawn. LA dumbfucks. The Coyotes lose Glendale money. Fuck Cardinals fans. Broke people. Hank's freakish talent. and THOR'S HAMMER. Enjoy Thursday.

Oh, fuck the Western Conference Finals.

BLUES NEWS:

  • The Blues signed Swedish Hockey League player of the year Joakim Lindstrom to a one-year, one-way contract for $700K. He's a center, and he's a buddy of Alexander Steen, so those two things are a good start, I suppose. [StL Today]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Fuck Chicago. A Michal Handzus goal early in the second overtime helped the Blackhawks stave off elimination. [Chicago Tribune]
  • Fuck LA. The Kings did not win. They will host Game Six on Friday at Staples Center. [Jewels from the Crown]
  • Either the Rangers end their series with the Canadiens at home tonight, or the Habs host a Game Seven at Centre Bell (more on that later). [NHL.com 05/29/14]
  • If you didn't like the NHL 15 cover vote (*RAISES AND VIGOROUSLY SHAKES RIGHT HAND*), you'll like #8 in Ryan Lambert's weekly Power Rankings. The others . . . well, you probably saw most of 'em coming. Like Corey Crawford, who is basically this generation's Chris Osgood by this point. [Puck Daddy]
  • So, to accommodate for a possible Game Seven at Centre Bell on Saturday, Montreal native Corey Hart (Yes, that one) has postponed his farewell concert until June 3rd. Too bad, since Saturday is his 52nd birthday. COREY HART IS FUCKING FIFTY-TWO YEARS OLD? JESUS I'M OLD. [CBC]
  • The parents of Rene Bourque awoke to hats in the lawn of their Lac La Biche, Alberta home after the Habs forward netted a hat trick Tuesday. [Puck Daddy]
  • More on Corey Crawford . . . some dipshit is trying to press charges on him for squirting water at him after Game Four. Also, TMZ tells us that Crawford is "in the middle of a 6-year, $36MM contract" . . . when that kicks in NEXT YEAR. Fail all around. [TMZ]
  • The Coyotes fucked something up, but for once, it might not have been TOTALLY their fault. Still . . . MOVE THESE FUCKERS TO SEATTLE. [AZCentral.com]

OTHER SHIT:

  • If my fellow Cardinals fans could stop acting like self-righteous jackasses for, y'know, just two fucking seconds, I would appreciate it. Thank you. This guy? Fuck you. Get out of my fan base. You, your "Bartman" jerseys and your stupid fucking signs make us all look like . . . well, self-righteous jackasses. [Deadspin]
  • Imagine being broke and finding a bunch of money. Imagine turning it in to police. Yep. THIS guy. [Y! / Odd News]

VIDEOS:

First, Hank Green shows off his freakish talent. (S/T to Kate):

Oh, right, we all can do that.

Next, here's the Man At Arms one more time . . . this time making Thor's hammer:

Eh, I already have a couple hammers, why would I . . . FUCK IT, I WANT THREE.

That'll do it for me this week. J-Mill has your weekend. Be kind, please send him stuff:

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