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Guaranteed!

By gallagher

Maybe a little unfounded boasting is just what this team needs. Our new owner called a home opener win weeks ago - a move that was not met with welcome embraces by the players. Today, in front of his winless team, he was forced to face the prediction once again. He didn't back off of it, exactly, but he did give himself a little leeway, saying that he could predict that his team would work hard (guaranteed!).

After an exciting final few minutes, dominant OT and winning shootout, he should be in the papers tomorrow bragging his ass off.

I would.

On top of that, he should be guaranteeing a win over the Blackhawks this Saturday. In fact, fueled by a great win and a couple beers, here's how I'd conduct my interview with the media:

"Yeah, I called the win. I guarnteed it weeks ago, as a matter of fact. Remember that? Was I worried? No. This is a good team. Not a great team, but a good team. Someday we'll be great. And I'll be predicting even more wins then.

"But for now, all I can guarantee is this: we are going to win on Saturday.

"That's right, my team, the St. Louis Blues, will win Saturday. You know why? Because we're playing the Chicago Blackhawks, and we all know that the Blackhawks suck.

"Don't get me wrong - Chicago has a decent team with some great players, but we're going to win anyway. Look, Chicago is a natural rivalry of ours. These used to be great games, but then the Hawks went down the tubes. Then we went down the tubes. But no more. It's time to start this rivalry up again.

"Which is why I'm willing to bet the Hawks' owner, Dollar Bill Wirtz, that if we win, I'll wear a Blackahawks jersey for a whole day. If we win, he has to get down and kiss my bare ass in front of the media. I think that's about even.

"Oh, and by the way, I guarantee that we'll beat the Red Wings on December 5th when we retire Brett Hull's #16 here at the Whatchamacallit Center."

Now that would be a guarantee.