By Brad Lee
The headline for this post probably isn't a revelation. We all know the TV contract sucks. We all know the league-wide overhaul of the uniforms hasn't gone smoothly. We know Gary Bettman still has a job. But making up fake records and pretending anyone gives a rat's ass is a new low.
Dallas Stars center Mike Modano became the all-time leading scorer born in the United States with two goals in San Jose last week. That's him up above holding the puck that broke the record that no one cares about, mainly because it's a contrived record by a guy who isn't the best American player in NHL history.
You see, there was a young man named Brett Hull who used to play in these parts. He was shootin' and smilin' and scored 741 goals and totaled 1,391 points during his career. His mother was an American citizen giving him dual citizenship in the U.S. and Canada. But he was born north of the border. That means he can't hold the title of "Top Scorer Born in the United States," which is exactly what the banner behind Modano doesn't say.
First of all, who the hell said, "When Modano becomes Captain America, we need a big-ass sign behind him. And then he can hold up the puck for a picture and kids from Miami to Los Angeles will be able to look up at him as a U.S.-born hero." Second of all, by calling Modano the Top American Scorer, the league is fucking lying. Modano even alluded to it when talking with The Province newspaper in British Columbia:
"I suppose if Hullie had been American born I'd still be chasing those numbers he put up," says Modano while chuckling about his outspoken, flamboyant teammate... "But he's just a transplant."
 Yeah, keep thinking that, Modano. You seem to be really proud of claiming a title by technicality, a title we admit no one cares about. But at least Modano has something going for him, a really hot wife named Willa Ford who posed for Playboy.
