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Pazzy, Son of Satan

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Guess those balet lessons are finally paying off!

By Marcus Pettersson

Twice now, the St Louis Blues have been shut out by their Central Division opponents the Columbus Blue Jackets and their goalie sensation Pascal Leclaire. Pazzy, as he's called in Ohio, is perhaps the ugliest hockey player to ever play in the NHL. Yes â€" uglier even than the human car crashes named Mike Ricci and Brent Sopel. I mean, just look at this. It's ridiculous:

A face only a mother can love.

If someone in Hollywood decided it was time to produce another Godzilla movie, Leclaire would be the obvious choice to star as the leading man monster. But not only is he as ugly as a monster recently risen from the Abyss, he has also played as one. Proof? Read and be utterly terrified:

In 9 games played, Leclaire has only allowed 10 goals against. That's a GAA of 1.12 and a 0.957 save percentage.

Wanna tweak those stats to look even better? No? Me neither, I'm scared enough as it is. But just for the heck of it, let's look only at his wins:

In his 7 wins so far this season, Leclaire has 5 shutouts and has stopped 187 of 189 shots for a 0.989 SV% and a 0.29 GAA.

Yikes! And, remember, this is a goalie playing for Columbus â€" one of the least respected teams in the league! Sure, the Blue Jackets have played a solid defensive game so far this season, much thanks to their head coach, Ken "Just one more donut, then I'm done, honestly" Hitchcock. But really, without Leclaire between the pipes, they'd hardly even have a chance to win all those games.

This Game Time writer can only come to one conclusion: Columbus Blue Jackets goalie Pascal Leclaire is a demon spawned from the nether regions of Hell who's very existence threatens all that is good and sound in this beautiful world. Since Dutchie Stempniak and Doug "The Saint" Weight has forgotten how to score, it seems we're all inevitably doomed.