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The Mad Interviewer Tackles the NHL

Approaching the current NHL comissioner-for-life, the Sith Lord- Darth Oblivious, is never easy. But the Mad Interviewer tracked him down in a loo, rapidly firing the following questions and shaking on it. (well really this entire bit, including the interview,  is fictional).

Darth applies an ancient choke-hold to a modern NHL fan

Mad Interviewer (MI): What prompted your departure of the NBAÂ for the, at that time, pristine waters of the NHL?

Darth Oblivious (DO): I got tired of looking at everyone's knees, I wanted to go somewhere I could look people straight in the navel.

 MI: Under your administration, television ratings have all but....

DO: (interrupting) Ratings? RATINGS?!? We don't need no stinkin' ratings.

 MI: You are commissioner-for-life, yet your contract lasts only "well past your 60th birthday." Can we anticipate some sort of final solution on your end when you near your mid-60's?

 DO: Not at all. Currently, a cocktail containing, amoung other things, the blood of twins has not only stopped the aging process but reversed it. I shall never reach 60 as long as at least one Sedin remains in my grasp.

MI: Can you tell me a little bit about your reign as NHL commissioner- for- life?

DO: Three labor stopages, the elimination of Canadian and Northern US teams for the uninterested Sun Belt, the bankruptcy of four organizations, the loss of a national tv contract, the decrease in game flow and goal scoring, the rise of the Euro-Trash, and the introduction of the instigator rule.

 MI: And the positive things you've accomplished?

DO: Those were the positive things I accomplished

Sith Lord views first NHL action. Also pictured: Grand Moff Nichols

 MI: Who did you model your NHL management style after? Did you have any mentors?

DO: David Franken Stern, obviously. I mean it is hard for an NBA commish to install an NHL commish, but he managed. But also I need to give a nod to Vlad Dracula, his relationship within his own community and with his own people inspired me to the highest heights.

MI: Well you certainly put a lot of NHL fans through unbearable misery.

DO: Exactly, but don't forget the blood. Never forget the blood..

MI: What does the future hold for the NHL under your continuing leadership?

DO: The same, only even more so. As televison and press coverage all but disapear, the excesses of my personality will no longer need to be hidden.

MI: What about the state of the game?

DO: What game?

MI: Hockey.

DO: Oh, I think we will be putting in a 'vote for the winner' feature so that ties are decided by calls to a 900 number. Also, expect more outside games as we can't afford the overhead of these indoor stadium events anymore. And maybe more Emilio Estevez hockey-themed movies.

MI & DO: [flush]